"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them." - Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper.

"What about black?"

"No."

"Grey?"

"Nope," Aiden shook his head, "come now Alpha-Sir, there are hundreds of colors to choose from yet you only wear that boring color. What's the deal with that? You need to dip your hand into something new."

I decided to ignore his question and continued searching my closet. Aiden was my new Beta, twenty one years of age. The minimum age mutually agreed upon for a Beta was twenty four, however after Elliot, I was in need of a capable and strong replacement.

Since a very young age, Aiden had made a name for himself in our pack. He was one of the strongest warrior, and his sheer strength and courage, accompanied by his high IQ, was deeply praised by the Alphas when he attended the Academy last year. But what I liked the most about him was his brutal honesty. According to him, it 'saved an awful lot of time' as he could say whatever he wanted to say without sugarcoating anything. This meant I won't be bullshitted or lied to - exactly what I needed.

Aiden was once a part of a group assigned to me by Father, who was the Alpha during that time. I had to teach the group how to spar, and during those days, as a sign of respect, the trainees called me Sir. Instead of replacing that with the title of Alpha, Aiden decided to customize it and make it Alpha-Sir , saying how it didn't feel right to not address me by Sir.

When I told Father about my choice, he wasn't quite keen on having such a young wolf as a Beta for the pack but gave in when he realized that he was the only one in our pack who checked all the boxes after Elliot.

He tried to reason with me and tried talking me into bringing Elliot back to the pack, if not as a Beta, then at least as a pack member. But that couldn't happen, not if he wants to die by the hands of my wolf.

The human side of me was still filled with rage but now understood that he was unaware about Vivian being my mate when it happened. However, my wolf fails to acknowledge the fact. Elliot's face was enough to trigger the memory, enough reason for my wolf to massacre him, which is why I kicked him out of the pack. I didn't want to kill him - I couldn't kill someone who was like a brother to me.

"If you haven't noticed, I haven't got any other color, my entire closet is..."

"Fifty shades of black...?" Aiden offered and then gently pushed me to the side to scan my closet, "Hmm... there has to be something inside this world of lost shirts... hmm... too ugly... too dark.... too grandpa... What about this?"

He pulled out a hanger with a blue shirt but after noticing that the other half was black, he shook his head. "Never mind, back you go inside the black-hole."

I still fail to understand why I called him to my room. Till today, it never occurred to me to ask for someone's opinion on what to wear.

But today's a special day.

The day Vivian will finally decide if she will give us another chance or not. I could feel the pounding of my heart. Just thinking about her made my heart race.

I couldn't mess up today.

Today was important. I couldn't lose her. For so long I had longed for a mate and now I can't bear to lose it - lose this thing that will make me feel peace, make me feel complete.

Besides, my entire pack, my family, and my wolf relied on her decision.

If she refuses to let me enter, I'll have to spend my entire life without my wolf and will also have to step down from my position.

I cannot lose her. Without her, I cannot survive.

Just a month without my wolf's presence has shaken up my entire world; all of my senses have deteriorated. I cannot shift, I don't have my strength, but most importantly, our mate connection is weak. Without my wolf, I am vulnerable, I am half-dead and the worst part is that I cannot bring him fully back until Vivian allows me to mark her - Goddess knows when or if it'll happen.

If I take those silver bracelets and anklets off, my wolf would take over and rush to mark her. I couldn't risk that. I could never do that to her after everything she's been through. She meant too much to me.

But it hurts.

Hurts tremendously. I feel lonely without my beast. Being alone is a choice, but feeling loneliness - that's a disease.

And she's my cure.

I cannot hear him in my head, or feel the thrill of power and strength that surged inside of me whenever he was angry, or whenever he was mad at me, or whenever he was happy - all those emotions. I couldn't even mind-link my pack members outside of the pack. I couldn't even talk to him.

I missed him.

Just how I missed her.

"And we have a winner..." Aiden's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. He had his hand outstretched in my direction, holding out a sweater which I didn't even remember buying.

"It is... purple."

"Alpha-Sir, you need to go back to high school and get your colors straightened because this isn't purple." He rolled his eyes and emphasized the word purple, "This is lavender."

He threw the sweater to me.

"It was buried in the depths of your closet. By the way, I'll have to ask someone to fetch you new clothes because this closet looks like it belongs to Neo from Matrix or someone from the Adams Family."

I threw him a look and then examined the sweater, "Why did I even ask you to help me?"

He chuckled and walked towards the door, "Even I don't know the answer to that, when you summoned me I thought you were going to kick my ass or somethin'. At least that was something that I could imagine you doing to me, but when you asked me to help you get ready, I really thought you lost a screw or two."

If my wolf was here, he would've probably growled and made the pup soil his pants. He didn't took well to insults, even if they were playfully said.

I took off the shirt I was wearing and threw it at his face with as much strength as my human self could muster, "Get out."

"Now that is no way to treat your Beta, if you continue acting like this, I might quit."

"Oh, the horror..." I rolled my eyes and pulled the purple sweater down. The right sleeve got caught in the bracelet. I gave it a strong tug which managed to release it but greeted my entire body with jolting pain.

The pain entered my entire body as an unwelcome guest. My legs felt shaky as waves and waves of jolts erupted within me. My eyes squeezed shut as my face contorted. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled on it to ease the pain.

Fuvk. I want to die.

Breathe. Breathe.

In and out. Inhale and exhale.

Think of her.

Her image filled my brain, standing tall and beautiful on the podium, wearing a white dress. Her luscious hair swept away in a bun, giving the onlooker a perfect view of her flawless face. In a world full of chaos, she brought stability.

My trembling hand gently released the grip on my hair as the pain slowly faded away.

"Now get out, or do you actually want me to give you that beating?"

Instead of answering back, he was clever enough to scurry out of my room, but right before the door closed, I heard him shout, "Go get her, Tinky Winky."

I think I'll be needing a new Beta pretty soon.

----

"Morning Alpha Ethan, I'm Andrew, the chief border patrol guard, how may I help you today?"

I noticed his gaze linger at my sweater, at my choice of color precisely. Ever since Vivian left, I stopped wearing colored clothes altogether. It was a rare sight to see me in any light or bright color, it was always black or grey or some other dark color.

I had seen Andrew before with Alejandro when we were searching for Vivian but the first time I talked to him was when he came to my territory to collect Zack's body. At that point, he was only a Northern patrol guard but his well-toned physique definitely boasted about his strength and experience as a fighter. It could fire the envy of many a younger man.

It was a smart choice to promote him to the chief position, I thought to myself.

"Andrew, I request permission to enter the North pack."

I kept my answer short. At this moment, words were failing me. I could feel my heart begin to race, ready to burst out from anxiousness.

Any minute now.

My fate will be decided any minute now.

"Please wait while I confirm from Alpha Vivian." His eyes hazed which meant he was mind-linking.

An automatic smile graced my face when I heard the word Alpha alongside her name. If my wolf was here, he would have been beaming with joy and pride. Who would've thought, huh? Our mate; an Alpha.

And our pup...

"Alpha's on her way." Andrew spoke after what felt like centuries.

My brows furrowed.

On her way?

She was just supposed to answer with a yes or no.

I gave Andrew a firm nod and began to pace back and forth. With every passing second, my worries and tensions increased tenfold. Would she reject me? Will I lose her?

Will I lose myself?

Before I could ponder on those questions and fall prey to the curse of overthinking, a shift in the air alerted me of a presence. I sensed her before I saw her. Her sweet scent gently embraced my human senses, cocooning me in her warmth, her comfort.

The second I laid my eyes on her, my legs almost gave away. My heart danced around my chest with every step she took. The sun stroked her beautiful face as she walked towards me. Her hair like the wind; wild and free.

It felt as if an angel had descended from the sky and was walking towards me while Claire de Lune was playing in the background. I was completely and utterly awestruck.

Here I was, drowning in darkness, and there she was, glowing brighter than the Sun ever could. Her glaring, and blinding beams of illumination brightening my cold, lonely world.

Luce della mia anima.

The light of my soul.

As she came nearer, my eyes noticed her dress.

It was lavender.

Everything in my world made sense right then. There was no argument about it.

She was the only thing I needed.

My mind had chosen her. My body had chosen her. My heart had chosen her.

Her.

Those fiery eyes were scanning the area, looking for anything that was wrong, any suspicious movement that could be dangerous - an Alpha instinct; something I unconsciously did too.

And then those eyes of hers settled on me.

My breath hitched.

Her long legs covered the ground in seconds, "Thanks Chief Andrew, I'll take it from here."

Andrew bowed his head and scuttled away.

We remained silent as we took each other in.

Vivian's eyes travelled down and narrowed when they noticed my sweater. A little smile tugged at the corner of my lips when I saw her reaction.

"Hi," I started gently, but from the inside I was going mad. A part of me was also busy silently praying to the Goddess, asking for her help.

"Good morning." Her face was devoid of expressions but there still was something magical about those hazel eyes; one second they were so beautiful, so safe and warm, and the very next they were burning with fire, with fervor. I found myself falling in them, getting lost in them.

Gently, I held out my hand for her to take. She was hesitant but complied by reaching out. Instead of shaking it, I brought her hand to my lips and placed a gentle kiss upon it.

Her skin was soft under my lips.

She turned her head to the side to avert her gaze but the rosiness of her cheeks, like a spring rose, gave her away.

This seems like a good start, I thought to myself. She didn't pull away. Maybe today will have a happy ending.

"Everything okay?" I cocked my head to the side, and raised one of my brows, urging her to end my agony.

My voice and actions might have suggested that I was feeling confident and not nervous, but the Ethan inside was truly losing his shit.

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please.

"Ethan," her soft voice spoke my name, tugging at my heartstrings. I could hear her say my name over and over again. But at this moment, there was only one word that I wanted to hear from her mouth.

Yes.

Say yes.

Per favore.

I waited for her to move her lips... to speak...

And then she did.

"I can't let you enter..."

I took a step back. My brain stuttered for a moment and every part of me went on pause while my thoughts caught up. Her answer managed to knock every wisp of air from my lungs.

Did I hear her right?

"What?" I spat, "You won't let me enter?" I moved forward and in rage almost stepped over the border, "That's it, Vivian? That's it? You won't even-"

"... But if you want, we can go somewhere else."

"I'm not leaving unless - wait, what?" I stared at her, "What do you mean?"

She looked at me.

"I want to...," she paused to take a breath, "I'm ready to listen to you," A warm smile took over her face.

The tension that had kept me up for Goddess knows how many hours melted into nothing.

Fuvk.

I almost crossed the border once again just so I could feel her in my arms but restrained myself at the last second.

Fuvk.

She said yes?

She said yes.

She said yes!

Say something, you idiot.

"Vivian... I...," my voice cracked.

Man up, Ethan.

"Thank you. You won't regret this."

There. I said something.

She gave a slight nod in return, "So... where do you want to go?"

"I go where you go."

The words left my mouth before I could even think. The slight change in her facial expression assured me that she didn't miss the double meaning behind my statement.

Her cheeks flushed once more and a grin overtook my face.

Her eyes wandered anywhere and everywhere but refused to make contact with mine.

She's so cute.

After clearing her throat, she opened her mouth to speak once again, "Do you have any particular place in mind?"

I thought for a while. Going anywhere else wasn't an option that I had thought of- it was either entering her pack or going back to my own. But I couldn't take her to my pack, not if we needed privacy. I was still confused as to why she didn't allow me entry in her pack. Did she not want her pack members to notice us together? Is she embarrassed of me?

Shut up, Ethan. Stop whining. Stop overthinking. Take what you get. This could be a golden opportunity for you to explain from the start, to explain where we went wrong.

Suddenly, I knew exactly where I wanted to take her.

"You know what, I know just the place."

She tucked few strands behind her ears as I suppressed the need to run my finger through her soft, luscious hair. "How are we reaching there? If it is far, we can shift to cover more ground."

I gulped, "Uh... Vivian, I can't shift."

"What do-" The confusion was clear on her face but the very next second, those warm eyes lowered to observe my wrist and ankles. Her eyes widened in understanding. "Oh... uh- I'm sorry."

So she does know about the silver.

Her lower lip pouted slightly, and I had this sudden urge to trace it, to bite it, to kiss it.

Patience, Ethan, patience.

This time, she's not going anywhere.

-----

I had made my decision.

I was ready to give us another try. I was ready to listen, to understand, to realize where we went wrong. After all, I'm equally to be blamed for whatever happened.

"Andrew, let him ente-"

Just as I was about to finish, my eyes fell on Elliot who was busy talking to Jonathan.

Damn it, I couldn't allow Ethan to enter the pack. Not when his ex-beta, the one who took his mate's virginity, the one who he kicked out from his pack, was staying over. If he sees him here, Goddess knows what havoc he will wreak in my pack.

Ugh, I can't even catch a break!

"Forget it, Andrew. I'm coming over... wait for me."

Under five minutes, I was nearing the borders. My wolf's unconscious instinct led me to scan the surrounding area, looking for any signs of dangerous activity. It was our duty to look after our pack, to protect them, to guard them.

After realizing everything was under control and clear, my gaze shot forward, connecting with his. No matter where we are, or how many people surround us, our eyes are bound to find each other. That's the way of nature. We were built for each other.

Upon reaching them, I thanked Andrew and dismissed him. My eyes narrowed as they took in Ethan's shirt. It was lavender.

We were matching.

How in the ever-loving world...

"Hi," his husky voice woke something inside of me.

After greeting him back, he brought his hand forward. I thought he was going for a handshake so I decided to return the gesture. As I brought my hand out, I noticed that his sleeve had pushed up a little. He wasn't wearing his silver bracelet, instead there was a fresh red bruise encircling it. But that thought escaped my mind when he decided to introduce the back off my hand to his lips.

That action made my goosebumps have goosebumps.

I averted my gaze as I felt heat rush to my cheeks.

"Everything okay?"

Control yourself, Vivian.

Look at him! He isn't affected at all; he seems so cool, calm and confident then why can't you behave like that?

I connected my eyes with his face and drank in his appearance. He looked the same to me - raw, lethal but heavenly. His chiseled jaw lifted with a pleasant smile, his hair brushed away from his brows, letting me gawk at his grey eyes.

"Ethan," I began, his deep eyes staring at me. His gaze was so... intense, "I can't let you enter."

He took a step back. The blood drained from his face, as his nostrils flared. He was still as a statue, his face completely stuck in a bewildered expression, eyes unblinking, head shaking in disbelief.

I knew he wouldn't let me finish and blow the meaning out proportion.

"What?" he spat, pinning me with those dangerous eyes, "You won't let me enter?" He took a step forward and was about to cross over the border, "That's it, Vivian? That's it? You won't even-"