it's over but i don't want it to be. i was so close to y/n. you know, like so so close. i almost had her but i missed. i won't see her or hear anything about her anymore. i hope she's doing good though. well, i'll get to see her one more time. and i cant wait for that day.

————————————————

i feel so relieved. finally finding putting away the person that matched the profile ive been constantly talking and thinking about. almost a week after i identified wyatt, the police station called me telling me that wyatt's lawyer wanted to start this trial as soon as possible. he wants to get it over with. to be fair, i do too but i don't think i'm ready to look directly into the eyes of the person i hate most in this cruel world. after a few days of looking, finn, jack, sophia, and my parents had helped me find an amazing lawyer. i'm supposed to meet up with her on friday, january 8th, 2021. i'm excited to start the process of finally putting this motherfuck away.

you know i've always been so scared of confrontation and talking to people in person about serious situations. it's gives me really bad anxiety and sometimes it's to much to deal with. since i was raped, i've been constantly having panic attacks. at least 1-2 times a week. it's scary. but finn has really been there. of course jack, sophia, and my family have too but with finn it's different. i wanted to take things slow with him but i'm so so ready to take our relationship to the next step and really act like a couple if that makes sense. we still act like we're bestfriends because that's all we've ever known how to act around each other. taking things slow has made it a little weird between us and i can tell finn wants to do more with our relationship. i just haven't been ready, but i am now.

see, the reason finn and i get along so well is because we're the same. finn also has really bad anxiety. since we were little we've helped each other with anxiety attacks and like i've said before we know how to calm each other down. it's just something we do and i'm glad that i know i always have finn to be there for me whenever. okay i'm getting off track but the point is that finn has really helped me through this entire thing. i'm going to finns today to talk to him about how i've really been feeling.

——————————————

y/n texted me earlier saying

"we need to talk" and from past experiences, that's never good. like what if she breaks up with me? well we're not together but what if she just doesn't wanna be more than friends? am i giving the wrong signs? i've been there for her though, i couldn't have done anything, right? holy fuck i know i'm overthinking but i can't help it. "we need to talk" is never good. EVER.

i was sitting in the kitchen just staring at literally nothing to get my mind off y/n. i'm just scared because what if-

y/n😚

open the door :)

well fuck.

i opened the door to see a smiling y/n. the most beautiful human in the world. i swear.

"good morning love" she said before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek making me smile. "morning bub" i said back to her. "i got you a coffee from dunkin if you want it." she said setting our drinks down on the table. i was getting so eager for her to say what she had to say so before she could say anything else i said, "hey um what do you want to talk about? i'm sorry if i haven't been good enough and i'm sorry if i did anything wrong just please don't break up with me please i love you so much and-"

"finn woah, calm down i'm not breaking up with you. i mean we aren't officially dating yet so i cant breakup with you but you get it. finn you did nothing wrong where did this come from?" y/n said rubbing her thumb across my cheek. "i don't know, usually when someone says "we need to talk" it's not good so i didn't know if you were mad at me or something." i said. "oh finn of course not, you know i would let you know if something was wrong." she said taking her hand off my cheek and placing it on top of my hand.

"finn what i wanted to say is that i know taking things slow has been a little boring and it's because of me. i just wasn't ready but i am now. i wanna take our relationship to the next level.

i love the way we are now but i still feel like we're acting like bestfriends and not a couple ya know? but i wanna have fun and do more with you. if that's what you want though, like if you don't want that it's fine i'm just saying." y/n said with a slight smile on her face.

"of course that's what i want y/n. i get what you mean about us acting like bestfriends. i know things have been a little awkward but i love you. like i really love you and-" "hold up what?" y/n said laughing. "um, i- i said i love you. not as friends anymore."

"okay you cant just say that and not ask me to be you're girlfriend."

"okay, y/n will you be my girlfriend" i asked literally fucking shaking.

"i don't know, but you're pretty cool i guess? and rich. so ya i'll be you're girlfriend or whatever. oh ya and i love you too, more than friends. i guess." y/n said laughing.

IM FUCKING CRYING I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END THIS SO SORRY THAT ITS MAD FUCKING AWKWARD💀💀💀💀. lol anyways thanks for over 4.55 k reads. and idk why i'm updating so randomly? it's also midnight so i don't understand half the stuff i wrote so i'm sorry if it's confusing. i'm literally so fucking delusional. lol c ya😋😘

not proof read