⚠️ slight mention of self harm ⚠️

finn took us all home at like 10pm. i wanted to stay with him tonight but i decided to just stay by myself. i just really need to look back on the whole trial and process everything. today was a crazy day but- "y/n! can i come in honey?" ugh fuck.

"ya come in mom." ughhh, i really don't want to have this conversation with her tonight.

my door opened and my mom walked over and sat on my bed. "i just wanted to say i'm really proud of you y/n. i mean you were so strong and brave up there." she said. "cut the shit mom, you weren't even there for me through this whole thing. and neither was dad. like i thought you guys would be more supportive considering the fact that hmm i don't know i got raped and was stalked for like 4 months? ya. i mean shit mom, even mary was more supportive than you. and angela AND winona. and they aren't even my parents. i barely even see angela and she texted me multiple times a week to check up on me. everyone else cares more than you and dad and do you know how that feels? i was at my lowest i've ever been and you didn't even care? well shit you weren't even here for like the first two months of it, you guys were on a goddamn business trip for fucks sake. and yes i know i didn't tell you until you got back but you NEVER checked up on me ONE time. oh ya i forgot to tell you this too, did you know i cut myself? yup. i slit my fucking rists because i was going through such a hard time and you weren't there. you know who was though? finn. yes sophia and jack were there too but that night when i cut myself and literally wanted to die finn came over and was there for me. finn has been so supportive through this entire thing. mary and eric let me stay at there house for over 2 months. oh and me and jack developed a much stronger friendship and we're doing amazing. sophia and i are pretty good now too, still my bestfriend. and to top off everything else you don't care about, i'm doing a lot better myself too. and i know you don't care much about how i'm doing or feeling but i'm doing really well." i can't believe i just said all that but i'm so glad i did.

"wow" she said. that's it? wow? really? "did you actually just say wow?" i asked my mom.

"i just don't know what to say, i had no idea you felt like this at all." she said, tears forming in her eyes. "ya i know you don't because you don't care. if you did care and you would've at least TALKED to me when i was home. like did you completely forget that you had a kid?" "of course not y/n, i just didn't know how to help. as a mother i was never prepared for anything like this to happen at all." "ya mom, nobody is 'prepared' for it, it can just happen." i said as tears started to form in my eyes too. "i know but i just didn't know how to approach you or talk to you about it so i didn't. i knew you could talk to finn and your friends about anything without hesitation but i didn't even know how to feel myself. i never processed what you went through and i guess i just didn't even know how to talk to you about it." she said.

"look mom, i get that you 'didn't process what i went through' but you could've talked to me. all the times i tried to talk to you and you shit me down, really hurt."

"i know, and i'm sorry y/n."

"i know mom, can you leave please? i'm gonna go to sleep."

"of course honey, i love you."

"i love you too mom." i said as she turned my light off and left my room. i know we didn't really work anything out but i can't forgive her. i know she might be sorry but i just don't want to deal with her right now, i don't really want to deal with her at all but you know.

i was about to go to sleep until i saw my phone light up. i grabbed my phone off the charger and turned it on to see what the notification was. from finn of course.

😚💘

goodnight y/n, i love you.

i love you too finn.

hey, i wanna take you somewhere tomorrow, pick you up at 5pm?

sounds good!

okay!

——————————————

i put my phone back on the charger and closed my eyes. ugh today was, a crazy day. don't recommend, 2/5 stars.

hey guys, i know i say this everytime but thank you for all the love on this book, i know it's ending soon but i still encourage you to share it with other people!

not proof read