It hurts.

Everything hurts.

My skull aches.

My muscles twitch.

I have nightmares, interrupted by even worse nightmares.

Im floating.

Then im falling again, reliving the last moment conscious over and over again.

But nothing feels worse than my broken heart, twisted, turned, frozen and shattered, the pieces floating around in my bloodstream, impossible to put back together.

Stop being sad Rick, it hurts me too...

"I need to stop being selfish" I hear him speak.

"Dont hate me for this..."

I open my eyes. Im home. Why am I home? 

I sit up, the blanket is neatly placed over my body, the edges tucked in to keep me warm. What happened? I frown as I try to remember, the last thing I can recall is... Summer had a party? And I slept over, her parents were mad at her in the morning so I helped her clean. Then it was this scent, I can see the garage door in my mind, was it something in there that had that incredible smell? Why cant I remember? Did I not open the garage door? How much did I drink? My mind seem all fussy and it feels odd, like im missing something?

I look to my side and spot my phone, grabbing it in my hand im confused over why I feel so weak? but its all pushed aside when I see the time, im late for work! Scrambling to my feet I fall down almost instantly, my legs are not carrying me. What the hell? I slowly crawl back up, my legs wobbly and knee's shaking and as I stand there, trying to regain my strength I notice a note on the bedside table.

That's it? Who wrote it? Has someone been in my home? That doesnt feel safe...

Deciding to ignore the strangers note I as quickly as possible get dressed and head off to work. It takes me a long time and I need to stop and catch my breath multiple times before I stumble through the door. Marcus looks up from behind the bar, a wide smile is displayed and he waves.

"Im sorry im late" I apologize "I feel very off today." I pant, grab my apron and tie it around my waist.

"Its okay, I thought that you were busy or sick so I brought some help." He gesture to the side.

"You brought in.." I follow his hand and spot a tall man in the corner, cleaning the tables. His hair is long and blonde, reaching down to his waist even though its tied in a ponytail. His face soft and friendly and his movements relaxed and casual. Its Marcus soulmate. I look back at Marcus with big eyes. "He's your...?"

"Yeah he is" Marcus smile wider and I can see his cheeks stain with red. My heart skips a beat and I cant express how glad I am for him. I have still to find my own soulmate, the thought feels weird in my head though, like im missing something... Did it always feel like this when I thought about my soulmate? This... heavy? Sad? like something terrible has happened, like a mistake has been made...

It feels like I've forgotten about something, or someone?

"Hello, you must be Y/N? Marcus told me about you" The tall man lifts a courteous hand towards me, breaking me from my thoughts and I shake it, his grip kind, light but steady "My name is Jona."

"Yeah I am, im happy to finally meet you." I smile "So Marcus is forcing you to work huh?"

"We were chatting on the phone this morning and he told me you were late, I really dont mind, its a nice place, well kept, you've been doing a good job."

"Thank you" I throw a glance at Marcus, he's shining so much more than ever before. Im so happy for him, Jona seem like a nice person.

Being strangely exhausted I soon find myself slumping against the bar counter, head resting on arms crossed over the shiny surface and a deep sigh leave my lips.

"Are you good?" Marcus asks, instantly picking up on my lack of energy. Its a lot to go to school and work late almost everyday but it has never stopped me before? What happened yesterday?

"I dont feel too well honestly"

"Then go home, rest, take tomorrow off too because you dont look too good" Marcus brows lower with worry, I would lie if I said he wasnt like a father to me, caring and empathetic. I lift my head and look back at him.

"Are you sure? Will you be alright? Its gonna be a lot of people today"

"Im sure we'll be fine, go home, I'll call you later to see how you're doing alright?" He place a encouraging hand on my shoulder and I nod.

"Alright, good luck today then"

Coming back home I head to the bathroom for a warm, relaxing shower but it turns all but relaxing when I spot myself in the mirror, I freeze, I have bruises all over my body?

"What the fuck?" I exclaim, letting my hands move over my sore muscles in confusion. I dont remember falling down a set of stairs? Nor getting into a fight? I slump back and down on the toilet seat and bury my face in my hands. Something is missing, memories, something happened but I cant remember what? Like a blackout? I look back up and turn my head to the side and there's a spot that is not a bruise, its not dark, just light red and small, like a hickey. I get up to get a closer look, I've never gotten a hickey before but im pretty sure it is one? What the hell? Who and when?

Did someone attack me? 

Not liking the way panic strikes in my chest I decide to ignore my strange injuries and step into the shower, but my head doesnt stop spinning. I feel uneasy and it doesnt feel better even after scanning through my phone in search for plans I've missed, not even after lying in bed and resting, not even after watching a tv-show I like... I dont know what this is, I feel uncomfortable, lonely, like I forgot to meet someone important but I dont know who. I even text Alex, thinking I might've forgotten about some plans with her but she says no.

And that how the days went on...

The bruises slowly faded and I got my energy back, I went back to school, then back to work, even though Jona seems to have enjoyed helping out at the bar quite a lot he was no longer needed and I returned to my shifts. 

But I couldnt help but feel this melancholy, settled deep within and not giving me answers on why it was there. Like a scar after losing someone, the years pass by but the pain is always right there under the surface. Just like I've lost someone important yet it isnt my parents that I grieve, so what is it? It must've had something to do with the bruises but as they fade I slowly forget and stop asking questions without answers, there's no use. 

Life moves on, until one day during lunch at school Summer comes marching over. I expect to be scolded for something because she's in a hurry and look all but collected, although I cannot figure out why? We havent spoken since the party.

"Y/N, I seriously need you, Rick has like completely lost his shit..." She looks desperate, even ignoring Alex's confused stare by my side.

"Rick...?" I ask and tilt my head to the side. The name does not sound familiar. Summer freezes as I speak and stares at me for a moment before shaking her head and sighing deeply.

"What did he do?" Her brows furrow with anger and distress and I feel my heart twist in my chest. I've never seen her like this before so whatever it is it must be serious.

"What do you mean?" I question, more and more confused as time passes.

"Rick? You dont know who Rick is?" She asks, her voice sharp, annoyed and worried at the same time.

"No...?" I answer.

"Fuck, he's such an idiot...Can you please come with me?" She asks and reach a hand out for me to take.

"I..." I hesitate and stare at her hand "What about school?"

"School can wait, he cant..."