《love drought | kth.》thirty two
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Taehyung did his best to push his feelings aside for Graycen. He knew they were there but he refused to acknowledge them. There was no way that he was ready to get back with her and that affected things between them. They were really close and even comfortable with each other, but it faltered a bit. Taehyung purposely came home from work with a bad attitude or kept their conversations very simple.
After Taehyung and Diane did a bypass surgery, he wanted nothing more than to just crash at home. He really did admire Diane as a friend, but it was quite obvious that she liked him. His intuition was right because Diane had pulled him to the side.
"Taehyung, I want to talk to you."
Taehyung blinked slowly as he allowed her to hold his hands, "You're a great guy honestly. I love being able to work beside you and I really enjoy learning from you."
Taehyung grinned, not sure where the conversation was going. "Thank you, Diane. You're a great person as well. Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Taehyung laughed as he squeezed her hand. "I'm sure we both are aware of how much we respect each other."
"I love you," Taehyung almost choked on his spit at the confession, "I love you so much and I know we'll never be a thing because of Graycen."
Taehyung questioned, "What about Graycen?"
Diane just smiled and rested her hands on his shoulders, "You love her so much. I saw it at the party and I'm really not mad. To be fair, you have a lot of baggage and I'm too young for that. I deserve a bit more, but you. I think you deserve to just get back with Graycen."
"Uh."
Diane stepped back from him, eyes watering although she was smiling wide. "You taught me more than I thought I needed to learn. You taught me how to let go of my fears, how to love, how to live in the moment, and to commit to things important to me. So I think you should do the same."
Taehyung didn't say anything because he was a bit confused and shocked. It didn't make it any better when Diane pecked his cheek and gave his back a pat. "I'm moving next month to Seattle. I got an offer there and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving without telling you how I felt. I'll have my resignation paper tomorrow for you. Have a good night, Taehyung."
-
-
Once Taehyung went home that night. he was welcomed to the sight of Graycen laid out on the couch with Elise sleeping in the baby rocker. He could tell it was a rough night because Graycen never sleeps in the living room. As soon as his hand went to touch Graycen's shoulders she had sat up and went to rock the rocker with one hand.
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"Shh, she finally went to sleep."
Taehyung blinked, staring at Elise, "Shouldn't she be in her crib or something?"
Graycen got comfortable on the couch again, but this time she was leaned over Elise more, "You should be happy that she's sleeping. It was a bit of a rough night."
"I was just hoping that we could talk." Taehyung placed his briefcase and keys on the coffee table. He was tired and his mind kept going 100mph, it was quite overwhelming for him right now.
Graycen sat up from the couch to look at him momentarily then looked back at Elise. Hearing him say that she wanted them to talk had her anxious about what there could possibly be to say. "I feel like if I stop rocking the rocker then she'll wake up."
Taehyung sighed, but he understood. "Okay, well, I guess I'm going to go watch the game in my room."
"No, if you want to watch in here it's fine," Graycen said with concern in her voice, "I mean I can just move her to her crib."
"No, it's fine," Taehyung assured as he took off his long coat, "don't be silly. There are more than one TVs in this apartment."
"I mean I am aware of that," Graycen clicked her tongue, "but this one is bigger than all of them and-"
"- I said no-"
"Cause I mean if you want I can try and move her-"
"Graycen, I said no." Taehyung interrupted her with his stern tone. He was tired and he didn't like to repeat himself. Graycen stood up with her hands up kinda confused on where his irritation was coming from, "Okay..."
"I'm just tired of walking on eggshells in my own apartment, Graycen."
"I'm sorry," Graycen chuckled then placed her hands on her hips, "what do you think its been like for me?"
"I don't know," Taehyung shrugged and moved closer in front of her. It wasn't too close to make her feel trapped, but close enough to see her face closely. "I just know that I don't like it."
"I don't like this either."
"So, what do you want to do?"
Graycen closed her eyes in frustration, "I don't know. I guess- I guess I can move out." Once the words left her mouth, Taehyung didn't say anything, Graycen looked up at him to see if she could get an answer which eventually she did.
"What?"
Graycen bit the inside of her cheek, "I mean that was the plan, right? I was only supposed to stay until Elise was born and she's born. I am healed from the surgeries, so?"
Taehyung was still confused, "Does that mean right away or?"
"Whenever it makes sense, Taehyung."
Taehyung made his way to the couch to look over at Elise. He really didn't want Graycen to move, he got accustomed to seeing Elise every day in his apartment.
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"I cannot believe she slept through all of that," Graycen chuckled and moved to sit on the other couch, but still near Elise, "wow."
"Yeah, I guess she could be quiet when she wants to."
The two parents didn't stop looking at their daughter adoringly and Taehyung knew he'd rather choke than to not have Elise in his apartment every day. "I don't want you to move out," Taehyung confessed with his eyes still on his daughter who was sleeping peacefully. "I really don't."
Graycen sighed as she looked down at her fingers, "I don't want to move out either."
"Okay good," Taehyung took a deep breath of relief and got up and slowly took Elise out of her rocker, "she's sleeping, why the hell aren't we?"
"Good question."
-
-
It was during when Taehyung and Graycen were watching Kill Bill when everything got worse between the two of them. It was quite sad too because they were getting along very well.
"Taehyung?" Graycen called out to him from the other couch with her hand holding the bowl of seaweed soup that his mother made for her. "May I ask you something?"
Taehyung paused the TV then turned to look at her, "Uh yeah, what's going on?"
"Are we still getting the divorce?"
Taehyung nearly fainted from the question, he was purposely trying to forget about the divorce. It was just too complicated and he was too scared to even think about it. The divorce nearly tore him and Graycen apart, he couldn't handle it.
"Uh. Why do you ask?"
Graycen visibly looked annoyed at his question, putting down her bowl of seaweed soup. "Why'd I ask?" She laughed it off and took a few breaths before speaking. "I don't think I've stopped loving you. Actually, I haven't."
"Graycen-"
Graycen couldn't stop speaking, "Like at times it's hard for me to sleep or breathe because I'm thinking of you and I'm thinking of what you think of me."
Taehyung was stressed at the information he got and it showed. His hands were resting on the top of his head. "Graycen, I don't feel the same way. I actually love Diane."
Graycen felt like everything in her body had stopped working. There were no words that could describe how she felt and it was like she was drowning. She wasn't mad at Taehyung, but at herself for being brave enough to confess. She stood up to put the bowl of seaweed soup in the fridge and moved to the guest room.
"Graycen."
Graycen didn't have to turn around to know Taehyung was in the room as well, "You need to leave me alone, Taehyung. I want to be alone right now."
"I can't leave you when you're the way you are right now."
Although Taehyung thought he was helping, he only made her feel worse. "What are you talking about? Does it look like I'm crying right now and does it look like I'm having a panic attack? You need to leave me alone or I won't forgive you. You need to go and let me have my space."
Taehyung sighed, "You think this is easy for me, Graycen? It's not easy for me if anything it's hard for me as it is for you."
"Are you kidding me right now?" Graycen laughed with no hint of humor in it. "So it was hard for you to confuse me? That's what you're telling me."
"I just didn't want you to be mad at me, Graycen," Taehyung said in an explanatory way. "I was caring for you and I was staying by your side like how I expected you to do when we were married. If we weren't to get a divorce how am I supposed to know that you would stick by my side?"
Graycen nodded to herself in disbelief in what she was saying, "I have nothing to excuse what I did to you back then. I was wrong for leaving you and you know that. If you can't trust that I won't do it again then that's you. What I don't like is you saying that kissing me and holding me all the time is because of my disorders. That's what I have a problem with, you think I'm incapable of taking care of myself. Yes, I have postpartum depression and I'm still responsible or myself and for my family. I even hold all the responsibilities of my actions. How dare you?"
"Graycen-"
"No, I'm not mad at you at all. I just want you to get out so I can have my space or I will never forgive you."
"For staying?"
"No!" Graycen finally got angry and she didn't want that but it was about time that Taehyung saw her perspective. "I'll never forgive you for having me think that you love me. You kiss me first all the time, you treat me as if we're still together, and then you act differently when I give you the same love you show me. Then you use my disorders to justify it to say that it was only you standing by my side. That's not what I needed and you're acting like I can't love myself and that you're just some savior. What is it that you don't understand? It's fucked up, okay?! That's what pisses me off so you need to go because I don't need you to pretend any longer. I took responsibilities for my mistakes and I owned up to that so how about you do the same."
Taehyung only nodded then left the room, closing the door behind him. Then finally Graycen started to cry because she knew if she cried in front of him, he would start again with his "taking care of her," and she would fall back again to his confusing ways.
-
Also, two more chapters and then the book is
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