Wandas POV

She left.

She just.. left.

She left me.

Gone.

Disappeared.

I'm not even sure what just happened. It all just transpired so quickly. Tony was yelling at her. She was trying to explain. And I just.. I started to see the pattern. It all started to click into place..

So I exploded. I.. oh.. damn it. I said so many cruel things. I pushed her away. I said she was a monster. That she didn't..

Fuck.

I feel arms around me, for a brief moment thinking they were Alex, I looked. But I only found Spencer. That's when I realized I'm on the ground.

I guess when she left she took my heart with her. Because I don't even feel it. I don't feel anything. I'm numb.

I pushed the one person that has made me feel anything out the door. And I may never see her again.

And I'm pissed at myself for that. If I had just taken a step back.. just took a moment before I unleashed all of that word vomit. Maybe we could have talked or.. I don't know. Something, anything, would be better than her just leaving.

Because I just.. I can feel that she's gone. She didn't go to her house or the firehouse or her favorite bar.

She disappeared.

And the idea that I may not see her ever again or get to talk through everything.. well the thought alone has hallowed me out, leaving an empty shell.

I know Spencer is trying to talk to me, trying to help me. But I don't want help. I.. I want her. I want her arms around me. I want to hear her voice.

But I don't get to because I hurt her.

There's a hand on my face?

Oh. She's wiping the tears. I didn't even realize I was crying.

Everything keeps running through my mind. What I said, what she said, what Tony said.

Then there's something that sticks with me; she didn't deny that she worked with hydra. She tried to say she didn't know what I was talking about, but she never said she wasn't their pawn.

And there's too many clues, there's too many coincidences, for it not to be true. Fury was right the first time; it's Alex. She's pretty damn good at faking everything.

She fooled Yelena. She fooled me.

And now she's gone.

——————

I know I shouldn't be surprised. I know. And yet..

I still hoped I'd see her, would have heard from her by now.

It's been radio silence from every direction.

It's only been a day, but it feels like an eternity.

I went through all the emotions yesterday; anger, pain, remorse, confusion, back to anger. Then I was numb for awhile, shut off to everyone. What I concluded was that I need to talk to her. Desperately. I want to hear her tell me that she has nothing to do with hydra. I want to apologize for ever believing she would be.

I want her back.

Maybe that's just the me that's curled up in my bed refusing to let anyone in my room, eyes dried out and face red from all of the crying. No expression on my face. I'm just holding the pillow she used with a blanket thrown over me, staring at my phone I have laid out on my bed waiting for her to message me. Begging her to call.

The hours tick by and I don't move and she doesn't contact me.

—————

A week later now and I'm.. not really doing better. I've only had more time to question everything; to start spiraling into the 'what ifs.'

What if she was captured by hydra? What if she didn't have a choice? What if she planned this all along? What if she really is innocent? What if she was using me?

It's not really doing anything to help me, but I can't help it. My mind was constantly thinking about her before and it's no different now. Except instead of thinking of the previous nights events or what we were doing that day, I think about where she could be, what she could be doing. If she's hurt or captured.

And it's run me down to a point I didn't think I could go.

I lost Pietro. Truly lost him. Knowing I would never get to see him or talk to him again killed me. I didn't think I'd ever be human again.

So I never thought I would truly care again. But then a the woman with incredible blue eyes saved me from a fire.

And I've lost her, if I ever truly had her. It kills me that I don't know. That I may never know.

And these are the endless thoughts that circle around in my head driving me to the edge of the brink.

So.. I'm doing something about it. Going to some people that might have some answers.

You guessed it.

I'm at firehouse 11 sitting outside in my car working up the nerve to go in and talk to them.

Talk about deja vu.

That's when I see Max spot me from inside their open garage and I know I have to go in now.

I'm not sure how ready I am to talk to people.. but what choice do I have?

I'm drowning.

As I approach her, she crosses her arms. I see her clenched jaw and set eyes. She's mad.

"Hey, Max.."

"Don't. What the fuck happened, Wanda?" To the point, I can't blame her.

"Max.."

"No, Wanda. I have no room for bullshit right now. What. The fuck. Happened? Now."

"I don't know what Alex told you, and I really don't have it in me for an explanation right now. I just really need to know if you've heard from her; where she is, if she's okay."

There's a shift in her features and demeanor. She softens; shoulders sag, eyebrows ease up, arms uncross.

"You haven't heard from her, either?"

Max's soft voice has my whole body run cold. Her question alludes to her having not heard from Blue either. And that's terrifying.

"Um.. no. Not for a week. I was hoping that you would know? Maybe she talked to you at work?" I put every once of hope left in me into the question, begging for an answer that includes her knowing where she is at least.

But she's shaking her head 'no.'

"I haven talked to her. No one has. A week ago she took furlough. I'm not sure for how long. That's all I know." There's a crack in her voice. She misses her friend and Captain, of course she does. I'm sure they all do.

Now I notice the absence of laughter and chatter that I usually hear when I'm here.

Alex left and took all the joy in this place with her.

"I am so sorry, Max. I wish I knew where she went or what she's.."

She scoffs. "Come on, Wanda. We all know this has to do with you. Alex never runs off like this. It's not her, it's not what she does. So you must have pushed her. So what did you do?"

"I.." how do I begin to explain this? Does she know about Alex's powers? Simple is better until I know for sure. "We had a fight. We both said some things that.. I know I didn't mean. And I can only hope she didn't mean." I whisper that last bit, looking down to my hands and messing with the rings I'm wearing. Some of which Alex gave me.

When I look back up, shes nodding her head slowly, "must have been a pretty nasty one. I can usually count on her calling me up to go out drinking, but I didn't even get so much as a text. Had to find out from Cam that she was taking time off."

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. The firehouse was my only shot of finding her. None of my calls or texts are going through. "You've tried calling and texting?"

She rolls her eyes, "of course. We all have. We aren't even sure they're getting through."

Shit. Does this mean she just turned off her phone to get away from everything, or is this her cutting ties with her old life? I've had to do it before, so I know what it can look like.

"Well, if she happens to get in touch with you, can you let me know?"

She looks at me for a moment. Or more like through me. "I guess. But whatever went on between you two, you need to fix it. Fast."

"I want to. I will. That's what I'm trying to do. If I could just find her.."

"Good luck with that. Like I told you before, she's pretty good at shutting people out. And she has never even gone to this extreme before. But you better hope she comes back to this firehouse. Or it's your ass that will pay."

Powers or not, the look Max is giving me is enough to make me believe she means what she says and could follow through.

"Of course. I want her to come back more than anything."

Maybe some day, she will.

——————

One whole month later and there's still no word from Alex. Not even a smoke signal. No one has heard from or seen her.

There hasn't even been a hydra base that's gone up in flames. We've been keeping an extra eye out at each one. Which could be the cause of why there hasn't been any destruction. Alex is smart, she would know we'd be on the look out at each one.

So whether she is apart of hydra or not, there has been no clue one way or the other.

We're just as much in the dark now as we were a month ago. Maybe even more so.

And as for me personally.. I'm not really doing better. At all. Not knowing one way or the other has me in a constant tug of war.

Part of me wants her to be apart of hydra so I don't have to feel guilty, so I didn't push her away for no reason. But that would also mean I was just a toy in her game the whole time.

So the other part hopes she's out there somewhere laying low, maybe taking some time to explore and enjoy some of the world, just taking time to come back home. However, that would mean that I pushed her out of my life, maybe for good.

So yeah. I'm on a constant swivel on what I want and what I'm hoping.

The worst part is that I have no answers and I may never get any.