《Into the fire》Chapter Eighty Two
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Wandas POV
Her voice sends a shiver down my spine. The authority in her tone gives me goosebumps, even though it's not directed at me.
Then her ice blue eyes are on mine.
And there's a flicker of something there. I want to say it's love, adoration, longing, but that could just be wishful thinking.
She isn't moving or saying anything. It's like I was Medusa and she couldn't help but turn to stone under my gaze.
While hope was fluttering in my chest and I was melting under her gaze, she was turning to stone.
I am desperate for her to say something to me, anything. To walk over to me and wrap me in her arms. To take me back.
Again, wishful thinking.
Do I do it? Do I read her mind? Find out what she really thinks of me? How she's processing this?
No.
And not just because it would be wrong and I'd risk any chance of ever getting her back, but because I may break at whatever she's thinking about me; I don't know if I have it in me to hear her think about how much she despises me, that her love for me is gone.
"Everybody, back to work. Now."
"But, cap, I don't think it's the-"
"I said back to work. Don't question me, Andrew."
"Yes, boss," he mumbles before they all walk away.
But not without sending glares my way.
Great.
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Alex's POV
Hearing a bunch of commotion, I had followed the noise to the front of the station.
I jokingly told the crew to get back to work.
Until I saw her.
My eyes met hers in some kind of stand off.
I couldn't look away.
And all these emotions came flooding through me; anger and hurt and betrayal and.. love. And I wish it didn't. I wish I didn't still feel it for her, but I do. Undoubtedly.
It's part of why I've stayed so far away from her; I didn't know how long my resolve would last when I saw her.
And now we're about to find out.
But cat still has my tongue.
She's just., standing there. Looking at me like a lost puppy. Like she's waiting for my next move.
Oh fuck. She isn't reading my mind, is she?
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No. She wouldn't do that.
Fuck, Alex. You need to say something.
"What-" voice cracked. Try again, "what are you doing here?" I cross my arms to get in a defensive stance.
"I just wanted to talk, to try and explain. Please-"
"There isn't anything left to say. I think your actions spoke for you. And your lack of communication before said plenty." I'm attempting to say it void of all emotion.
"Alex.. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never thought we'd end up together, that I would end up falling head over heels for you!"
Shit. Don't tell me you love me. I can't-
"So what, this is my fault?"
"No! Of course not. It's mine. I fucked it up, again. And I am so so sorry. I wish I could change it-"
"But you can't. Whats done is done." I cut her off. I can't hear her apology. This is breaking me. If I let her talk any longer, I won't be able to walk away from this.
"Please.. please don't say that. I can't lose you. I- you're my future. You're all I want, all I see, when I think about it. I love you. And I won't stop loving you.."
Fuck. Swallow the damn tears. There's no way she gets to see you vulnerable now. She lost that chance. She doesn't get to do this to me now.
"Well, I guess you should have thought of all of that before. Because it's-" I almost can't say it. The words don't want to roll off my tongue. My heart doesn't want me to say it, my head is conflicted. "It's too late," I let out at a whisper.
I look up to her. It was a mistake. Tears are freely flowing down her cheeks, she looks broken. Her heart cut wide open, bleeding out in front of me.
All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and comfort her, put her pieces back together, but I can't. I can't. I can't give in to her again. I gave her a second chance, and she blew it. How can I give her a third?
"You- you don't mean that. You can't. What we have, you're lucky if you find it once in a life time. We can't just let this go.."
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"I didn't. You did." Holy hell this is physically breaking my heart. The pain is making it hard to breath.
"I know, and I'm sorry but-"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Leave," I point to the door, no longer looking at her. "I- I don't want to see you. I can't," fuck, my voice breaking.
"Alex, please.."
"No. You need to leave. My team was right, I shouldn't have listened to you."
"Why? Because you want this, too? I miss you! I'm completely hollow without you! I-I can't. I need you in my life!"
No no no. This is not fair. I was doing well, or better, I guess. She doesn't get to draw me back in like this.
"Get out!" Okay, deep breaths, you're going to be okay.
She stands there for a moment as I'm left starving for air in my lungs. Those damn sad eyes. I can't look.
I'm left to beg, "please.. please leave." I hate how shaky and soft my voice is. I hate that she's doing this to me. I hate that I want to give in to her.
She doesn't say anything, just nods her head once and turns to leave. I follow her to the door so I can make sure she leaves, I guess.
She opens the door, turning back to me, "I love you, Blue."
Then she's gone.
She walks out the door and to her car and I stand here watching her leave. Watching her enter her car, start it up and drive off.
"I love you, too, sunshine."
Fuck.
"Hey, hey. Alex, its okay." Then there's arms around me. More that two. And I'm on the ground?
I try to look at who is sitting here with me, but it's hard to see, my eyes gone blurry from the tears.
"Hey, breathe with me, okay? In and out. That's it. Let out whatever you have to, we're here. We've got you." This time I recognize Max's voice so I nuzzle further into her embrace.
I don't see the concerned look she gives Andrew, his mirrored expression. Or the fact that the rest of my station is gathered around.
Normally I wouldn't let them see this side of me. I keep it locked away, hidden in the depths of me that rarely comes out. It's what made everything easier, livable. It's how I coped for so long, how I kept my spirits up, alive.
But then she came along and made me want to open up more, to let it all out. To share things. I didn't want to hide things anymore. I wanted to share it all with her because I believed she'd be there to help me with the pieces.
She stuck by me when I lost that civilian in the fire. She stopped me from drinking into the abyss. She held me until I was whole.
She was saving me, letting me be me without any restrictions. Slowly bringing me back to a person I could recognize. A person I didn't have to hide. It was so freeing. She was freeing. A breath of fresh air I didn't realize I was missing until I had it.
Then she broke me.
She took away my breath, stole it right from my lungs. Left a void in me I can't fill no matter what I do. And I've tried.
Which is why I'm here letting everyone see me fall apart. There isn't anything left to hold me together.
I don't care to ever meet any one ever again. Don't tell me I'm being dramatic and that there's still love.
Because what did that get me, truly? One cheated on me. One just up and left. Only to find out that her and my at the time girlfriend had only used me because their boss said to. It was all a lie.
So no, I'm not exaggerating. I'm just over all the bullshit.
Her and those stupid fucking avengers and not giving a shit about peoples lives. They didn't care back then, and it's only gone to prove they don't care now.
I can't let this keep bringing me down. It'll take time, plenty of it. And some really incredible friends, which I have, thankfully. And an amazing job to put my focus on. But I'll get past this. I'll get over her. I'll get over everything they did.
Day by day, I'll get better. Until one day I don't feel anything anymore. Until one day they're all but a faded memory.
The avengers are strong, but I'm going to be stronger.
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