POV Cammie

About 2 months ago

I wake up. I feel arms around my chest and I smile. Kara is really cute when she's asleep. She is always cute actually. I try to move careful in order to not waking her up. She groans in her sleep. I stand up and walk to the kitchen. It is 2 a.m. It has been a week since I came back from Spain and I still didn't managed to sleep well. I need to talk with Kara but I don't know what to tell. For now I mostly need to sleep. I grab a glass in the closet and take some fresh water in the fridge. I sit on the couch. I am exhausted but I just can't sleep. There is too much in my mind.

- Babe... Are you ok?

I blench.

- Hey, I just can't get to sleep, did I woke you up? I am sorry...

- I just had a nightmare where you disappeared and I woke up... And you weren't in my arms anymore so I was kinda worry... What is going on?

- Nothing (I am not proud to lie but I can't explain myself in the middle on the night). I guess I'm still jetlag, that's it...

- Yeah, whatever...

She doesn't believe me and I won't argue. She is not stupid. She goes back to sleep without a word. When I come back to the bed, she is turned on her side.

I am making breakfast for Kara and I. She is preparing herself in the bathroom and I took this opportunity to make her something nice. I spend hours thinking last night and I reach a point where nothing but being fully honest is the best I can tell. My girlfriend is getting out of the bathroom. She is half naked and I can tell you...she is terribly hot. She smirks at me and I can't help but walk to her and give her a deep kiss. What happens next... well, you know it. We are finally taking breakfast after an intense and really nice moment. I want to talk, openheart but everything I do is staying as silent as a dead body in his grave.

- Spill it out Cam, what's going on?

- I...

She seems so calm, almost as if she doesn't care. I look at her more carefully, I see in her eyes that she is concerned....

- Babe, what is going on? Are you okay?

- Yeah, I just...

- Is it something with your family?

- no, there're good...

- Any problem with your friends?

- No...

- Is it your work?

- No...

She stops herself, take a big breath. I am almost crying and I can tell she is too.

- Is it about us?

- I...

- Cam, you scare me, what is going on?

- I love you Kara, I really do

- I love you to... what is happening?

I take her hands in mines and start to talk. It is one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life... I caress her cheek with my thumb, making her smile.

- I love you, you are just amazing, and beautiful, clever, and funny and you're perfect... We've been together since almost three years and you make me happier every day. I love everything about you, I mean... look at you!

I see some excitement in her eyes and then I realize that my declaration looks like a proposal. I stop myself. What am I doing? I believe everything I said, but in a way, it is a lie. I just push further the thing I want to tell her.

- I cheated on you...

One second, a million years... Two heartbroken women watching at each other. One is crying, the other is too chocked to understand what just happened. Kara let go Cammie's hand and stands up.

I see Kara going away from me.

- What did you just say?

- I cheated on you, I...

- Who is it? Who is this whore you fucked with?

- I didn't have sex with anyone but you...

- I don't understand...

- I cheated on you, I kissed someone else, and hold her hand...

She sit down on the carpet. She is angry, and disappointed, and heartbroken. A tear is rolling on her cheek, the same cheek I cuddle with my hand just two minutes ago. The silence is heavy, I don't want to talk but I need to explain myself. I breath and...

- I don't want to know...

- Kara I am sorry I...

- I don't want to know...

- Please let me explain.

She gives me a glare, and finally nod her head. I am shaking.

- I have been thinking about it all week, maybe I started earlier. I don't know how to explain that...

- Do you love me?

- Of course I do Kara, I love you... I truly love you?

- So why did you kiss that girl? Do I know her?

How much can I be honest? At this point I don't know what to say. I feel terrible.

- You wanted to speak so now be honest with me Cammie.

- It's Shannon...

- ..............................

5 minutes passed and she didn't say a word, neither did I. She starts walking in the apartment, like a lion in cage. It lasts for what seem an eternity and then stop.

- Do you love her?

- Yes...

- Do you love me?

- Yes...

She starts walking again. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she wants to yell at me or go punch something really hard. Sometime she gives me glares that make my blood freeze. She is furious and I am terrified about what she is gonna say. She walks through the door and slam it. She leaved. Just like it... She leaved...