I thought I had collected myself in entirety before I stepped out of my car on Friday. I had been dreading this moment since the outing with Hudson turned sour, but I told myself that it didn't matter. If he wanted to keep this as business only then that's what we would do. Besides, it's what I wanted originally anyway.

And it was just one kiss. How much could such a small act change anyway?

So I could handle this. I would have to handle this.

But when I came out of the car with all of my camera bags swinging around me I saw Shawna. And that was enough to almost make me get back in my car and call this whole thing off.

Unfortunately, my funds were too tight to do that. So I gripped those bags with all my might, hoping my rage and stress would spill into my equipment instead.

"Good morning," Shawna greeted, her voice uncharacteristically chipper.

"Morning," I grunted.

"I just wanted to come out and see how you were all doing. It's been a few weeks since we last spoke," she explained, waving to the snowboarders who were all sitting on the hill, chatting and getting ready. "The team seems to be really impressed with your pictures and your work ethic. Everyone spoke really well of you, even Hudson and that's pretty rare."

"I see," I muttered, pulling out my first camera and inserting my battery.

"I'm really impressed with your videos as well. For someone who doesn't do them often you have quite a bit of skill in the field."

This was all high praise coming from someone that I had deemed to be an ice queen. But when I saw Hudson laughing with Graydon and Jackson my teeth clenched together.

At my silence Shawna must've followed my gaze and saw the heaviness of my expression. With that came a knowing glance and an icy smirk that I had come to expect from her.

"Trouble in paradise?" she asked, her tone snarky enough to make me glare at her.

"I don't consider this paradise," I snapped.

"I warned you that Tyson and Hudson liked to play their games," she said. This time her voice was so sweet that the irony was a slap in the face. "I know they can be a lot to handle, but if you're having your doubts don't worry. There are plenty of photographers who would love to have this job."

My breath caught in my throat and my eyes snapped to Shawna to see if she was being serious. But her blow had already been delivered. Her thousand watt smile went straight to the men she was representing and they all grinned and waved at her like they were old pals. 

"I'll keep in touch," she warned. The wind blew, whipping my hair about, but the chill her words gave was far worse.

"Ready, Penelope?" Graydon called out.

"Ready," I whispered, feeling like one more strong gust of wind would be enough to take me down.

Thankfully, the day went well. Or, at least as well as it could. I was acutely aware of how hard it was to keep my gaze off of Hudson. I wanted to know how it felt to see me again, if he regretted any of the he said. I certainly did. It hadn't been fair for me to call him out like that. We both had our demons and it had been awful of me. But, even when I let myself steal a glance I couldn't read much between the goggles and the high collar of his jacket. 

I wondered if he could read me, if he could look at me and see how upset I was. Then, I wondered if he even cared at all. 

It was just a kiss. 

But it wasn't just a kiss. 

He was the first man I had been attracted to since Connor. He was the first person outside of my family that heard about the carnage I had gone through. And I had fought my feelings so hard for so long.

I suppose none of that mattered now.

We finished the day in the lodge as usual, with me packing up my gear and the men undressing while laughing about the day.

"Hey," someone murmured from behind me.

I knew the voice wasn't Hudson's but I wanted to believe so badly that it was him. When I spun around Tyson was watching me.

"Oh, hey," I said, trying not to sound too disappointed. 

"I saw you talking to Shawna, did she tear a strip off you?" he asked.

I opened my mouth and almost told him the truth. Then I decided against it. "No, she actually told me that I was doing a good job and she was impressed with my work. She even said that you guys have all approved me as well," I teased, jabbing him with my elbow. I hoped he couldn't see through the false smile and overly playful behavior.

"Of course we like you," he encouraged, seeming almost too delighted with my kindness.

"It's just been hard to enter into another sport," I said, zipping up my last bag. And just as the zipper closed I saw Hudson's back leaving the lodge. He didn't even turn around to say good bye or to shoot his signature smile.

"I bet," Tyson agreed, pulling my attention back to him. "But you're learning super fast."

"Thank you," I said, moving to hoist my bags upwards. 

He snatched them first. All of them, leaving me completely empty handed and awkward towards this show of masculine politeness. He began strolling towards the exit and I had no choice but to follow empty handed.

"So I need to go shopping for my cousin's birthday. I was hoping I could do it at one of the Calgary malls and that maybe, you would accompany me?" he suggested while holding the door open for me.

My eyes caught Hudson's car driving down the winding road that lead to the small town below. Leaving me behind. 

He said that Tyson didn't have honest intentions. He said that I shouldn't trust him.

But Hudson was the one who left me hurt.

"Sure, it's a date," I confirmed. 

Tyson beamed like I had told him he won the lottery.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

Do you believe in Astrology? Why or why not?

I kind of do. I'm a Virgo to a T. It was almost frightening how accurate it was. Beyond that, I'm not much of a believer.