I can't explain it but lately I haven't felt the same and I don't know how to describe it. I don't know maybe I'm just sad. I wish I could be like a normal teenager and have normal problems, I watch everyone at my school and how they don't have a care in the world, they looks so happy like nothing bad has ever happened to them. Why couldn't I be like that?

Maybe because I have a broken heart that every time it tries to stitch its self back together another tragedy happens and my broken heart remains.

Every night I dream that Luke is here with me and my parents I aways wonder if they can visit me in my dreams? But I open my eyes and realize that I'm being stupid.

I try to be strong for aunt Lora she's already put up with so much with me and I see the way she looks at me when I get into certain moods waiting for me to break.

I wonder if one more thing happens, I won't be able to take it and I'll be completely broken and won't have he strength to put myself back together again like I've done so many times.

I look over at Felix room and he has headphones in his ear and his eyes closed, I know i should close my curtains but it makes me feel not so alone and plus he never closes his.

I know he knows he can see in my room I wonder if he ever looks over to see what I'm doing?

I watch his face with his eye close and he still looks so sad maybe that's why we clash so much is because we are so much alike in many ways.

I really don't know anything about him just things I've observed or heard from other people. His dad is nice I guess but I don't know why I don't like him maybe because he hits on my aunt and I don't want him to take her away from me she's all I have left.

Maybe this party Friday will be good for me to get out of the house and socialize with people my age, I mean I did have a little fun at the last party but I also embarrassed myself. I just want to fit in for once in my life.