Scarlett pov

I wake up with a slight headache and the taste of wine in my mouth. I brush my teeth and head to the kitchen to make breakfast for Lena and me. When I get inside I am met with a note.

If you wake up before I come back home, there is a coffee all ready for you with a mug underneath the machine. Just press start. The fridge and the cabinets are fully stocked so eat whatever you'd like.

-Lena

This brings a smile to my face. Where could she have gone? It is Saturday. I go over to the machine and there it is. A mug underneath and cream next to it. I press start and in a few seconds coffee pours out into the cup beneath. I put some sugar and cream and mix it. I don't want to cook anymore so I decide to go through her cabinets to see if she has any cereal. I must have hit a jackpot when I open a cabinet door filled with liquor. The one next to it is filled with wine. This seems bad. How could one person have this much alcohol just lying around?

I found some cereal and opened the fridge to see five different kinds of milk. This woman is something else. I decide on almond milk and sit on the bar stool. Her apartment is so peaceful and just has a lot of space. She decorated herself I can see a touch of hers wherever I go in the house.

I finish my food and put it into the sink. Just as I am about to wash it I hear the front door click and then open. I go to the hall to see a sweaty Lena in work our gear.

"Hey, goodmorning." She says

"Goodmorning. Thank you for the coffee." I say

"You're welcome. I'll go and shower quickly." She says and goes to her room. While she's there I walk through her apartment. The bookshelves are filled with all kinds of books, some in french and most in english. I found one bookshelf with only english authors. She must have organized it like this on purpose.

"Hey, did you eat?" Lena asks

I turn around to see her half dried hair down. She looks just amazing.

"uh, yeah I did. Don't worry." I say

"Good. I'm glad." She says.

"Do you have anything planned for today?" I ask her

"I was about to go through this stack of mail that is over six months old." She says putting a huge bag onto the coffee table and poring out envelopes in different sizes.

"Do you need help?" I ask

"It wouldn't hurt." She says and sits down onto the couch.

We spent a long time just opening letters. Someone named Lucy is getting married in September and she got very excited to get an invite. I never heard of her before. I didn't want to intrude on that. She out that letter onto her bookshelf so she wouldn't throw it away.

"Whats this?" She asks showing me an envelope with my name.

"That would be my birthday invitation." I say

"When was your birthday?" She asks

"November 22nd."

"Do you want me to read it?" She asks

"Wait this is your first time seeing this?" I ask

"Yeah. I wasn't in this place for months. This was in the mailbox." she says and rips open the envelope. Ah shit here it goes. She reads it and takes out another piece of paper. My apology. That I wrote drunk.

I try to take it out of her hands but she stands up and reads it. She looks down for a minute and puts it back into the envelope. She takes it somewhere and when she returns her hands are empty. She probably threw it away. We continue to open letters in silence. After we were done I picked up the trash and threw it away in the kitchen. She walked in and put the kettle to boil.

"I'll make some tea. Do you want some?" She asks

"No thank you." I observe her walk through the kitchen. She looks like she's angry or something similar. I don't know how to put it. She pours in the water and milk from the fridge and sits down on one of the bar stools. She stirs her tea in silence.

"Is everything alright?" I ask her

"Perfect." She says quietly.

"Is it something I said in the letter? I was drunk while writing that so I could have said something completely wrong." I say.

She just stares off into the distance and I can tell something is on her mind. I'll give her space.

"It's not about you." She says as I get up.

"what happened then?"I ask, she stays quiet

"Where were you this morning?" I ask her

"I needed to clear my head." she says turning her head towards me. Just now I notice her dark bags underneath her eyes.

"Did you sleep last night?" I ask her

"A little, yes." She says turning her head from me.

"Did you have another bad dream?" She nods looking down.

"Do you want me to call someone? I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it." I say still on my feet.

"Thats the thing. I don't want to talk about it at all."

"Were you back in Palestine?"

"Worse. I was back home." She says sourly

"Care to elaborate?"

"I had a dream about my father and I. We were having one of our infamous arguments." She says and sips on her tea. I sit next to her

"It was not something my mind made up but rather a memory. A memory I'd rather forget than live through again."

I put a hand on her shoulder. I know she doesn't want to hug me still.

"I'm really sorry to hear that. Have you talked with anyone about these nightmares?" I ask her carefully.

"I talked with my doctor. He told me that one of my medications I should be taking are giving me these nightmares."

"For how long will you be taking them?"

"Until I'm cleared of all meds." She says

"I'm sorry you have to go through this." I say quietly.

"It's fine. I can take it."

"I know you can Lena. I just worry about you." I confess

"Worry about me?" She asks

"Yes. You seem to have everything under control. But, what will happen when that control falls out of your hands?"

"I'll make sure it doesn't come to that. Thank you." She says getting up. I touched a nerve.

"You should get going. Try to talk to Colin." She says

"Really?" I ask

"Yeah, communication is key in a relationship. I don't see why not." She says sitting down on her balcony.

"I don't want to leave you here alone."

"Wouldn't be the first time." She says quietly

"Do you want me to call Chris?"

"No. You can leave if you want. I'm not trapping you here."

"Talk to me Lena." I plead

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why? Why are so interested all of a sudden?" She asks

"Why did you pull away last night?" I change the topic

"Just don't Scarlett. I don't have the energy to tell you." She says looking away

"Just give me a simple answer."

"You want a simple answer?" She asks

"Yes!"

"I don't want to be your side piece. The one who helps you cheat on your perfect boyfriend after one fight." She says with tears in her eyes.

"That last night wasn't.."

"Don't try to justify it. You wouldn't be looking at me like that if it was broad daylight." She says sniffling

"Look, Lena you.. you're not a side piece." I say

"This is not just about that. I don't want to ruin what we have." She says

"And what is it that we have?" I ask her

"A friendship."

"What kind of friendship? Not a good one I presume because I had to find out everything about you through the fucking internet." I say angry now.

"I thought we went past that. Guess not." She says sitting back down.

"It's the same fight we had last year. It is so alike that it's crazy." I say getting up.

"About what?"

"About you. Just when I think I got a peak of you, you put these walls up. And I get locked out. Everyone else stays but I'm the one thats in the dark." I say simply

"Thats not true." she says

"Please don't do this. Just admit you don't trust me. Admit that you didn't even trust me with your own identity." I say

"I trust you Scarlett. I was just being cautious."

"How were you being cautious around Chris huh? He found out like that!" I say snapping my fingers

"He found out by himself. I didn't just spew it out of me." She defends

"What did I do? What did I do to make you so resentful towards me?" I say

"I'm not resentful I just don't want to get too close because I know that whatever you felt last night is not strong enough for me to move on like that!" she yells

"How do you know if it's strong enough or not?" I yell back

"Because I've seen the way you look at him. That look of adoration and love mixed into one. I know you love him and he loves you." She says quietly now.

"Let's just forget about last night. How's that?" I offer

"Fine with me." She says looking away.

That is the last thing I wanted to hear. I wanted her to stand up and to tell me she would fight for me. To tell me that she actually wants this. Don't get me wrong I love Colin but he is no match for Lena and her kindness. She is one of the best people I have the honor to know and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's very complicated and she doesn't talk so easily.

I shouldn't have gotten angry at her for not coming to my birthday party. If I knew before everything I would probably try to make her stay. So she doesn't get hurt. I can see scars on her bare legs and it breaks my heart. The last time I saw her legs they were smooth and without a scratch. Now she has scars all over her calfs and I can see a bigger one on her thigh.

"Did you meet any cool people while you were in Palestine?" I ask her trying to take her mind off the fight we had.

"I have. I've met people with incredible faith. I had encounters with a lot of muslims back there and I was bewildered. They would all take the time to thank their Lord as if he sent me. They had this look of gratefulness in their eyes and when they smiled their eyes smiled too."

"That must have been incredible to witness." I say

"It sure was. The first week I thought I wasn't going to make it over there. I was getting teary every few moments. I was so overwhelmed that I didn't know how to process it all. But, over time I got the jest of it. I found a routine and I loved it."

"Did you get hurt often?"

"Sometimes, yes. I would get hurt helping others. I know I would scratch my skin or I would rip my trousers on wires and stuff." She shows her calves and motions to a few scars.

"Don't look at me like that. I am proud of many scars I have. I got them helping someone else. I couldn't have gotten them in a more better way than that, right?" She says

"How was I looking at you?"

"You looked at me with pity. Like you were sorry that happened to me. I'm not. I am glad I got hurt. I saved lives and I can now rest. My heart aches for that place though. I would love to go back one day." She says looking at the sky.

"Maybe you will one day."

"I hope when I visit the country isn't taken by Israel." She says

"I don't quite understand whats happening over there." I say

"A vast majority of people don't. In short terms the citizens of Palestine are being attacked by israeli forces. They are trying to 'take back' their promised land or whatever."

"I didn't know you were into politics."

"I'm not. I am into human rights. I want to help those who are innocent. The citizens have nothing to do with the war. They are unarmed and helpless." she says

"I admire your brain and your heart. You seem to have a place for everyone in there." I say to her. She looks at me surprised and relieved. I guess that means something to her

"Thank you."