"Why don't you just ask him out already?" Clay almost choked on his water when Tubbo's voice collided with his ears. Tubbo looked up from the making of his breakfast and watched as Clay pounded his fist on his chest, his cheeks going a very rosy pink.

It confused Tubbo.

He had been coming over to their house everyday for the past two weeks now, and it was a regular to come home and see Clay on the couch, typing on his phone. It had been an even more regular sight to come home and see the two in question binge watching a new series together, tangled in blankets and snacks.

Tubbo wasn't as blind as everyone made him out to be. He noticed things, but Clay and George's intimate moments weren't something to be noticed; They truly blinded you with a force of love so strong you would be knocked over. Once you'd gotten back on your feet and realised they hadn't gotten together yet, you would be knocked over once more.

The laughter escalated from a single joke one or the other had made, the rosy cheeks, the gestures, the nicknames, the bickering, the grins, Clay giving George his fucking tag necklace at the concert and the fact that George hadn't taken it off once since then.

You would be appalled. Tubbo wasn't dumb, he had eyes and used them effectively. Yet when it came to asking Clay why he couldn't just ask out someone he obviously had feelings for, he shrunk back. Tubbo didn't understand; What made him so nervous, so fidgety?

Was it the embarrassment? "How- How do you know about that?" Clay stuttered, and Tubbo looked up to face him. Sweat clinging onto his forehead, a piercing gaze mixed with anxiety, a stricken figure-

Ah. Embarrassment. Tubbo finally understood. "Smiles, you and Gogy are so obviously smitten everyone but Tommy hasn't figured it out. No, I bet even he has, 'cause I told him."

It took Clay a while to simply respond. He was perched onto a high stool while Tubbo was preparing breakfast for everyone. It was his turn for breakfast duty.

Everyone else was busy anyways, gone outside in a frenzy to buy ingredients for brownies Niki promised to make. Saturday was just as boring as all the others if not excitement was sprinkled into their plans.

"Is it really that obvious?" Clay whispered, pressing the cup to his lips once more. Tubbo hummed in reply, pushing Clay's piece of toast to his sun kissed fingers.

Tubbo asked another question, this time slow and steady to make sure the other didn't die.

"Why do you like him?"

Tubbo dared to ask. Something inside of him poked the question out of his tongue and he regretted it almost immediately after he said it when Clay didn't respond. It wasn't something to ask to a person figuring out their feelings. But before he could take it back, Clay had already begun rambling.

"What don't I like, he's just so-" Clay shook his hands and tried to capture the feelings in gestures but it wasn't working out right. "He's him. And I love him for it. I love when we bicker about stories, when we watch films together, when we just hang out- He doesn't mind me being the way I am, a dork, and he just accepts it." Clay opened his mouth to continue then pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Sorry I'm rambling-"

"No, say whatever you want." Tubbo smiled to himself, glad he had gotten the truth, and yet Clay remained silent. He started the conversation back up again. "I think Gogs appreciates you a ton."

He stumbled to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, coming back to fill a bowl swarming with small flakes of cereal.

Clay watched him, his eyes half drooped as if he hadn't gotten any sleep the day before. Tubbo contributed a new question when he realised the other wasn't going to continue it. "What's it like being famous, smiles?"

Clay hummed and lifted his head, looking at Tubbo, perhaps zoned out from the scene.

"Oh." He realised and thought for a few moments, brows furrowed. "It's- difficult. But amazing. I mean, you're living the dream you've always wanted but then you gotta realise that you're being watched at every angle and people have differing opinions on you. Confrontation snatched joy and shakes it 'till you don't even know you had it in the first place, that's sort of it. But the fans make up for it." He sighed.

Tubbo grew quiet. "Toms and Will always wanted to be famous. His- Wilbur's- video is skyrocketing. It reached 10K and he already filmed another. 'Editing it tomorrow."

Clay looked towards the brunette, placing a hand under his chin. "What do you want out of all this, Tubbo?"

Tubbo didn't respond at first, quite surprised at the question, so much so he paused his work and then proceeded to ask for Clay to elaborate his statement. "You're always backing everyone up, I've always heard you talk about everyone else's dreams, what about yours? What do you wanna do?"

Still, the brunette was struck. Not only had he never been asked such a grand question, but he has never even truly given it a thought. He was only 17 years of age, an age in which he should of Atleast thought about the future once or twice but he never even thought to grasp it.

He was lucky he had even made it this far, he thought, holding onto Niki's toast a little too strongly. He placed the food onto her plate and stared into it, more dazed than before.

What did he want to do with his life?

"I- I don't know." He stuttered, truthfully, after a long, long moment. "I don't know what I want. I just want a life where everyone else can be happy, that's what I want."

"Your happiness matters too, bee."

"I know." Tubbo spread jam all over the toast and shuddered at the words before shaking his head. He finished up Niki's sandwhich and found his own before sitting down next to Clay.

"I've never thought about it before." He spoke. The sight of the food made him sick, the smell going through his nose like a train going through a station. The train stopped almost immediately, for something unknown was crossing the road, and in turn Tubbo pushed his food away.

"Bee-?"

"I'm not hungry."

Three words. Three words and a sinking pool formed in Clay's stomach. He furrowed his brows and pushed the plate back to Tubbo's small, nimble fingers, tapping onto the wood of the kitchen island.

"Eat." Clay spoke. "I haven't seen you eat anything all day."

"But I'm not hungry."

"Then I'll save it for later and you can have whatever the others bring back." Clay spoke, staring at Tubbo with furrowed brows. The brunette looked down to the table, not daring to look at the other.

"What's bothering you, bee?"

Tubbo didn't answer at first. "Nothing."

"It seems like something."

"You're famous, smiles. Why do you care?"

"'Cause." Smiles tested. "You're my friend."

Bee paused, "That's cringy."

Clay let out a breath of laughter, "Well, if the truth's cringy, then I'd understand why everyone's a liar. But I don't." Tubbo was struck all of a sudden, and placed his forehead onto the table in a way to cope, wrapping his arms around his head.

Clay's hand hovered over the boy before he placed it on his back with a small sigh.

"I don't know what I wanna do." Tubbo admitted. "I want to get out of here, that's what. But I don't want to leave them behind. I love them, I do, and they accepted me when-" Tubbo cut himself short. "Yeah. But sometimes I just wanna go out there, see the world and then come back home to them and feel like I've accomplished something. I want to feel that."

"Where would you like to go?"

"I don't know. Paris looks sick, but I've never been anywhere out of the country."

"I've been. I'll take you one day, I've got a friend who knows the best spots."

"You don't have to-"

"I'd worry too much." Clay spoke. "But if you want that privacy, I totally understand."

Tubbo grew quiet for a moment and a moment longer until he pressed his chin on his arms. "I've never got much privacy, my mam's been snooping through my room since I was 13."

"Why's that?" Clay whispered and paused when Tubbo didn't answer. "You don't have to answer, it's totally fine-"

"It's cause she doesn't trust me anymore." Tubbo admitted. Clay didn't respond until Tubbo did. "She stopped trusting me when I was-when I was 13. She doesn't like me."

He sighed. Clay felt rather terrible.

"My name wasn't always Toby." Clay stared at him with intent. "I was somebody else once. But I didn't like her very much and I don't think anyone else did. Toby is better but I like Tubbo more, because Tubbo's in a group with the best people in the world. That's why I don't want to leave London, I'll be selfish. Mam, or anyone at home, didn't like that I wanted to be toby, but they did. They said goodbye to whoever she was and they let me be Tubbo."

Clay's hand rubbed comforting circles behind his back as he spoke. "And- And I never told anyone about her because I don't like her at all, but when I was moving my stuff here and I went back home-" Tubbo paused, his voice shaking. "-Mam forgot my new name, and- and she got into a fight with Will and Toms 'cause they corrected her."

Clay wrapped an arm around Tubbo and leaned into his side, placing a hand on top of his head. "And then I felt really bad. 'Cause maybe she was right. She said some pretty nasty things, and she kept using her name, not my current name. How do you tell your mam that? How do you tell someone that you've changed yourself 'cause you didn't like being yourself or whatever gender that was supposed to be? I don't want to live somewhere where she could come up to our house and tell me to be her again."

His words resonated with Clay so much it was surreal. A tear tore his face in two and Clay was taken back to the present, and kept a tighter hold on the other.

"And Will said that she was lying. That I shouldn't listen to her and that I could be whoever I wanted to be, that I'll always be Toby to them. And Tommy wanted to punch her in the guts and I-I just felt so selfish. What if she was right, smiles? What if I'm always going to be a little girl in the end?"

"You're not gonna." Clay spoke securely, boring his eyes in the back of Tubbo's head. He wrapped one of the boy's arms around him and Tubbo hugged him, only for Clay to hug him back, to hold a hand on the back of his head.

"D'you know what?" Tears found their way to Clay's eyes.

Silence.

"I think we have another thing in common." He spoke softly and Tubbo looked up at him, dazed.

"Are you like that too?"

"Mhm." Clay hummed. "My dad didn't like it very much. He said terrible, terrible things, said I'd always be a girl no matter what. That's why I left home early and that's why nobody but Nick knows about it. But we're not girls, we're boys and nobody's gonna say otherwise if they don't want to be punched in the guts." Tubbo chuckled on his chest and yet he sniffed.

"What if we're still called girls after the matter?"

"Then they'll have to face an army of us."

Clay hugged Tubbo tighter than before, as he continued to sniffle. "I'm happy you've found people like Will, George- They're good friends, aren't they?"

Tubbo nodded, and then looked up at him. "Are you gonna ask him out?"

Clay suddenly became very pink. "I think he likes you too, if that makes you feel any better. He's been a lot happier since you came along."

"Really?" Clay spoke, staring down at him with a small sparkle in his eyes. "You think I've got a shot?"

"Defiantly." Tubbo, quite suddenly, untangled his arms from behind his back and stood straight once more, gripping his chair. "Sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's alright." Clay grinned. "You don't have to be embarressed."

"But- oh god- I just cried on you, aren't you a bit upset?" Tubbo spoke frantically but Clay grinned and shook his head. "It's okay, bee. I'm not upset one bit. I understand your problems, people are assholes. I think that's what everyone would have wanted- a hug- if they were feeling upset."

Tubbo stared at his plate. "Thank you. Y'know, for- for that."

"It's fine." The two smiled to themselves. Slowly, Tubbo picked up the sandwhich and pressed the cold toast to his lips before taking a bite out of it.

"Hey Tubs?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you- Could you not say anything about it online? The mainstream audience is- How could I put this-?"

"I understand. Your secret's safe with me, smiles. As long as you promise not to tell anyone I cried on you."

"Deal."