I was standing in the balcony of my room with my "Inferno" book by Dante Alighieri drinking my coffee, thinking:

Is it true that the road to paradise begins from hell? In a figurative way that is.. What I'm trying to figure out is, you have to find happiness by suffering? Or you are first happy than life drowns you into pain and sorrows?

I still remember what happened a week ago with Domenico. He kissed me, held me and explained himself to me. If he wanted not to do it, he wouldn't have. This made me realize something, something I never thought I would admit to myself: I have feelings for Domenico. Is there hate? Yes. Love? I don't think so. But I felt something about him. I had feelings towards him. Except hate. When he touches me, talks to me, compliment me, Kiss me. Yes I do, I have feelings for him. I don't even know what feelings, I don't know what I feel. I just know I get a fluttery feeling when he touches me, I get a warm feeling when he grabs my hand, and a fire in my blood when he kisses me.

I want to feel like crying, but there are no tears coming out. They have dried. Now I just have an emptiness in my chest, an emptiness I know there is only one person able to fill.

The door knocks and the maid comes in:

"Signora Dianora il signore wants to see you."

What? Well this is a new one. Why would Domenico want to see me?

"I will be there in a minute."-I say to the maid and she gets out of the room.

I close my book, fix myself a little bit and go to his office.

This is awkward, I feel nervous. Actually I haven't seen his office and I don't know how it looks because he remodeled it. I haven't been there since my father was alive.

I was getting closer to the study and my hands were trembling. I reach for the knob and turn it opening the door.

I just stand there for a moment and then come in.

The study had changed. Radically. It had nothing to do with my father's place. Now it was something dark. A lot of darkness surrounded the room. There were closed shutters and calmness. The kind of calmness that scares you. It looked and felt cold... Very cold for a place where he spends most of his time. Yes there was expensive furniture that may give you comfort, but the atmosphere was so... Lonely.

And there he was standing with the back in the wall close to the shutters. He turns his head and looks at me.

"Come."-he says.

I come closer and sit in the chair.

"Why did you asked me to come here? Is there a problem?"-I ask.

"No, no. I just came across something that reminded me of you."-he says and opens one of his draws.

He holds a box in his hand. It was a dark blue box and I couldn't see very clear from the darkness, but it seemed like a jewelry box.

He comes closer to me and opens the box. It was ... Beautiful. A Swarovski diamond and emerald necklace. Even in that dark room I could see the diamonds sparkle. It was a very special and expensive jewelry. I raise my eyes and look at Domenico.

"I.. I can't accept this. It's too much."-I say

"Don't say no. That would upset me. I'm not thinking of returning it. Besides, it would look better on you than in a box."-he says and takes the necklace out of the box.

As he tries to put it on me, I take a step back.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry."-I say and get out.

"Diano.."-he says my name, but I have already closed the door.

I get to my room and lay in the bed. He got me a necklace. Why would he do that? And why would I accept it? I need to maintain my distance with this man. Yes I DO feel something about him, but I need to fight it. I have always thought with my mind why am I starting to make the heart a part of this? It starts when he touches me when I start loosing my mind, and when he kisses me it is completely gone. It's like my brain says: But than that weak voice coming from my heart says:

Just one more second, hold onto him one more second...

The door of my room opens and Domenico comes in.

"Why did you left like that?"-he says still holding the Swarovski box.

"I can't take it. I just can't.."-I say still standing in my bed.

"Why? Is it because you think is from what I do? Dianora this is the way we live, the way you are living since you were born. We don't threaten people to do drugs, they want it. We just provide it to them. I've heard those people are capable to even kill their own family just to get some drugs. Really? We are the monsters? Yes, I would kill. To protect what I have, to protect my family, to protect... YOU. I would never hurt anyone I care about, even if I die."-he says coming closer to me.

"No.. It's not that. I've lived like this, I have embraced my life. Maybe a long time ago, yes, but not anymore. It's just... Forget it. I can't accept it."-I say looking in his eyes.

He comes close to me, cups my cheeks and says:"I want you to have it. I want you to have something from me that doesn't hurt you, or brings you sadness. I want to see you happy. I can't see your eyes so sad. You are the only person I want to see happy."-he says surprising me. He can't see me sad? He wants to see me happy? This coming from someone who took my life away. The same person that made me miserable wants me to be happy?

"But why? Why would you want me to.."-I am interrupted again by a strong feeling in my chest. A beautiful feeling and before I could realize he was kissing me. His soft lips onto mine... That was my drug. And I was trying to fight it. But..

Just one more second, hold onto him one more second...