《Donna d'onore》Why?
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"I wish that it could be like that why can't we be like that 'cause I'm yours.."
I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. I'm so stupid! How could I be so stupid? It hurts... He played me.. Of course! And I was dumb enough to believe him. Such a good actor...
He made it seem so real...
His words, details, even that look in his eyes was a farce. Why would he do that? Wasn't everything he did enough?
I'm currently staying in my nanny's house. It is a small house in a village of Italy. I don't mind being here. After such a long time I'm free, but I feel trapped.
He let me go, he let me be free. Why did he do it? He cares?
No, I'm just being stupid again. It is obvious why... He doesn't need me anymore... He got what he wanted and now is better if I stay away. And after everything I have been through he knows I would never come back to claim what's mine.
He won, in the end he won... I swore that he wouldn't win, but he did. Because of one reason: I fell in love with him. The man who took everything from me. My family, my life, my all....
I would have done everything for him. Even die for him. Nothing mattered when he wasn't around me. It was difficult to look at him and think of love, of passion and then at the same time to think about all the things he did to me. But I gave up...
He didn't even looked at me when he told me he was letting me go.. Is that how much he hates me?
I didn't even had the time to enjoy that short dream... Yes, I call it a dream because that's what it was... Unreal. And very short.
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It hurts so much, I can't breathe. My heart hurts and my eyes are full of tears. But they don't fall... They have dried....
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I shouldn't have fallen in love with her. I'm so stupid? How could I become like this?.. And everything because of her... I love her. And I showed it to her. I did everything I could to make her happy... Something I don't usually do. She brings out another side of me, a side I thought was gone a long time ago. I was wrong...
If only she knew everything.... And now I have lost her. I'm now in war with Don Salvatore. For what? Nothing.....
The house seems so cold without her presence, so dark...
I feel my anger take over me and I flip the table, then I destroy everything inside my study. I run my hand in my hair over and over again thinking about her...
I let her go... I had to. I love her and sometimes you have to let go no matter how much it hurts. I care too much about her. I don't even care about power anymore. I have lost the most precious gift God gave me.
I lost, in the end I lost.... I swore that I wouldn't loose, but I did. Because of one reason: I fell in love with her. The daughter of the man that killed everything that was mine....
I would do anything for her, even give my life for her. Nothing mattered anymore. She crossed my mind once and never left. I can't stop thinking about her... I'm going mad. It was crazy looking at her and having those thoughts. I wanted to hear her say my name, to reach every part of her skin, but most of all I wanted to own her heart and for the first time in my life I have lost...
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I couldn't even look at her when I let her go. I love her so much....
Such a short time... Such a short time of happiness in my miserable life.. It was a dream... A short dream in that long nightmare.
It hurts. It has been twenty years since I've felt this feeling... I can't stop it. I'm powerless when it comes to her.. I can feel one small tear falling from my eyes...
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I'm feeling terrible, and not just mentally. Every part of my body hurts and I'm feeling a bit dizzy.
I try to get up, but I end up sitting in the sofa because I couldn't walk.
"Signoria siete bene?"-nanna asks.(Miss are you okay?)
"Si, si non ti preocupare."-I say smiling at her. (Yes, yes don't worry.)
"Io non credo cosi. Voi sembra così pallida."-(I don't think so. You seem so pale.)-"Ho comprato la vostra frutta preferita."-(I have bought your favorite fruits.)- she says handing me a plate full of strawberries.
As soon as I smell them I feel nausea. I quickly go the the bathroom.
"Mamma Mia, signorina!"-the maid comes close to me.
"Non mi sento bene nanna."(I'm not feeling okay nanny)-I say.
"Mia piccola.... Sei incinta?"-she says looking me in the eyes and my blood freezes..
(My little one.... Are you pregnant?)..
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