Electrifying euphoria flung the air as thousands came unglued from their seats, myself included. Jumbled noises emanating from countless mismatched horns and severally pitched voices, disguised jubilant victory.

I over looked the putrid smells of overly enthusiastic fans coalescing with grassy air, pumping my fisted fingers in the air. Flashes of cardinal and gold dominated the stadium as the uncoordinated noise intensified. As if on autopilot, my legs pumped upwards, synchronizing aptly with the overly enthusiastic fans.

My gaze however, remained unwavering from the huddle of brawny celebrating football players. At the center of all the clashing helmets and beefy testosterone, was Holden, the large imprint of his last name identifying him.

Even despite my less than perfect vision, I could see the glimmer of his grin through the mesh of the thick helmet. I watched as he disentangled himself from the swampy cluster, a distinguished airiness to his every step. Holden easily made it out, jogging a few feet away from his teammates whilst ripping his helmet off.

Luminous steel eyes surveyed the overlying hysterical crowd before stopping on my dilated ones. All the mangled celebration faded into white noise as I matched his slowly broadening smile. I struggled to make out the words of his motive lips, squinting my bare eyes whilst I regretted my offhanded decision to forgo my spectacles.

"Oh my God!" Avery squealed, similarly halting her movements whilst her eyes bounced off Holden to me, easily catching on to his soundless words.

"What is he doing?!" I muttered panicked as I registered Holden's lean frame easily stepping over the low gate separating the bleachers. I ducked my head, hiding behind the thick curtain of my hair while cocooning myself between Talia and Avery.

My heart thudded with each approaching step he took, countless eyes calculating his movements in predictable confusion. My clammy fingers gripped the softness of Holden's old Jersey whilst my lungs rebelled against me, restricting me from breathing.

My nervousness grew undoubtedly clear with every step he took, the rapid attention he was gathering chocking me up. I remained unshifting whilst Holder easily jogged through the paring crowed, his eyes never deterring from my reluctant ones. I watched as the last barrier between us pealed away, a giddy Talia jerking me a thumbs up.

My eyes hadn't quite met his even when he was standing right in front of me, his breath fanning my cheek. I heard the distinct dropping of his helmet before I felt the warmth of his arm around my waist. the roughness of his fingers settled on my chin as he willed my eyes to level with his.

"I said, I love you."

And despite my avid fear of unnecessary attention, I smiled, leaning further into his hold. The pad of his thumb brushed against the corner of my lips whilst his dump hair obscured his grey eyes. The needle-like pricking at the back of my head reminded me of the weighty eyes of the onlookers.

"Holden," I whispered, placing a palm on his rigid chest when he edged his lips closer to mine "they're watching."

"Let them," he matched the quietude of my tone, pulling me even closer to himself using his flattened palm on my lowered back "because I'm never letting go."

His steel irises pierced through my eyes, promise indented in them. This time when he clamped his lips over mine I didn't bothered resisting him, I couldn't even if I tried. So, even though the attention he called had my skin prickling, I let myself be consumed by him and only him.

Holden's lips smiled against mine before his sleek tongue traced the seams of my lips. Just like every other time he kissed me, I grew lost in him, lost in his touch and gentle caress. I wasn't scared anymore, Holden wasn't my father, he wouldn't leave me. He was mine as much as I was his, so I'd keep him for as long as he'll have me.

Maybe some might frown upon my decision to forgive him, but it didn't matter, I chose Holden, he was my happiness. Thinking back to the night a few week ago, I'd didn't regret my decision, I never would.

I had been watching the star-lined night sky, twisting the brown covered notebook between my fingers whilst Avery's soft offered me company. I had long decided not to let the ghost of my past haunt our relationship, but that was withholding how and when I would face him again.

The shrill ringing of my phone had detached me from my forlorn sadness, my fingers easily locating the blinking device amongst the darkness of the room. A sudden heaviness settled in my chest at Holden's blinking name, sharp ringing invading my eardrums.

The phone felt oddly foreign as it weighed above my palm, my attention solemnly fixated on it. Several seconds ticked by before my unwilling finger slid across the phone's screen, holding my breath as I anticipating the rumble of his husky voice.

"You picked up." He quipped in astonishment after prolonged silence, channeling a whiplash of emotions. I savoured the ruggedness of his voice whilst filling the void that had invaded my chest.

"I did."

I swallowed the large stone lodged between the walls of my throat, deeply breathing in the cold air from the ajar window. Silence creped back as I listened to Holden's shallow breathing, my own completely none existent.

"The stars are out," Holden was the first to break the silence, speaking hesitantly "I know the last thing you want is to see me, but will you come to the filed with me. You don't have to speak to me, we could just silently watch the stars, I swear."

He was wrong, I didn't resent him nor did I not wish to see him, I was too consumed by the enigma that was Holden Steele. The itching longing his voice alone created was a magnifying factor of just how far gone I was, but some things don't need saving. I certainly didn't and neither did I want to be saved.

"Okay." I said quietly, struggling to get past the dryness invading my throat, squinting at the dotted sky.

"...Okay?"

The bland astonishment his whispered words highlighted was justified. A day ago I couldn't get away from him fast enough, a sane person would still horde the same attitude. I however, was debating the level of my sanity, wondering whether choosing Holden was healthy for my heart.

"Yeah."

Holden's shallow breathing lessened the pressure of the daunting silence while my fingers subconsciously squeezed the phone tighter. And for a while that was all we did, until he wordlessly cut the call.

With stealthily like movements, I crept towards the pair of discarded converse by the door. I clung tightly to the awfully discolored hoodie that had once belonged to my brother, my lightweighted steps offering me solace while I descended the stairs.

Even withstanding its shadowy camouflage, my eyes easily sought out Holden's dark truck amidst the desolate streets. Avoiding any and a all confrontation, I speedily clamped into the passenger seat, leaving no room for him to religiously offer me his help.

Like an unspoken notion, neither one of us uttered a word, an impenetrable cloud of tension settling around us. With no way of waning the awkwardness, I resulted to nervously wring my hands. I couldn't really decipher whatever Holden was feeling, only catching his stony face the few times I gave into my uncooperative eyes.

A complete contrast from the last time, he didn't hold my hand and neither did I gravitate towards him. The hollow tunel-like hall feeling rather suffocating despite its large size, the familiar short steel gate suddenly seeming more appealing.

I sat rigidly on the damp grass, drowning my knees to my chest whilst I completely ignoring my discomfort. Holden's muscly figure splayed equally stiff beside me, his long legs similarly folded towards his chest.

"I'm scared too,"

His softly spoken words exhilarated the rapid thumping of my heart, my bottom lip tucking beneath my teeth to suppress my budding emotions. His hand closest to me fiddled with a blade of dewy grass, distantly staring at the uniform patch.

"I was scared two years ago when I began to feel things I shouldn't, and I'm still scared now. Savannah, I'll apologize for as long as it takes, because...I'm scared of losing you." I couldn't quite get my eyes to remain on his, his stare to intent "but I already have, haven't I?"

"No...you haven't." I deeply gulped down the uncharacteristically calm air, a contrast to my disarray thoughts "I'm tired of letting my past determined us, for once I want to do thing the way I want, not the way I'm expected to. You make me happy and I choose to be happy."

His artistic fingers froze between the flakes of grass whilst his steady eyes stared into my shyly quivering ones. He's face fleetingly lifted, the relief not hovering before his features morphed back into blank nothingness.

"The nightmares, do you still have them?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. You're whom I love, I love you more than I thought possible, so it does matter." At his words, my breath hitched while the longing crawled deeper info my flesh. I stared at my feet buried amongst the sea of green whilst I nodded signally. "I-um-I did some research...there's a doctor in Boston that specializes in coping counseling, we could try it."

"We?"

"Yeah. This time you won't be alone, I'll be there with you...If you're still thinking about Boston."

"You're going to be in the NFL, you'll be too busy."

"We'll work around it." I hadn't noticed how close he had gotten until the coarseness of his fingers brushed against my cheeks, tucking a loose tendril behind my ear, "Come with me."

I might not have gotten past the blinking red lights illumination the measure of distance between Blake and Boston, but that was the beauty of it. I was willing to let go and that was a larger leap than every other time I tried.

"Yes." I'd never regret it.

The unnerving frenzy his lips caused was my shortcoming, and it would remain that way for a while longer, perhaps forever. I gave in, moulding my lips in synch with his as I let him ravel me. I didn't bother concealing my moan, not amidst the hollering football fans nor few weeks ago in the tranquil silence.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I declared it then, enclosed in his arms under a filed of prying stars, and now, at the climax of his collage football career.

If everything I was and I had been through amounted to this moment, in the arms of the man I loved whilst dwindling noise celebrated his victory, I'd be okay. Not the rehearsed okay I had become accustomed to, but a genuine okay.