carla

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*please refer to the playlist (ghost town)*

"jordan."

"i literally only said your name."

"im sorry."

"i dont intend to try and make you feel like that!"

"stop. just shut it"

"im upset at you! ok?"

"because you hurt me!!"

"..."

"listen, i get that you just broke up with your girlfriend. i get that shit. but that gives you no right to say that anything that comes out of my mouth is bullshit"

"did you mean to say it?"

"did you mean what you said?"

"ok i forgive you. but that doesnt mean ill forget and youve got to understand that."

"im sorry too. i said a couple mean things."

"so.....do you want a distraction? or do you just want to talk?"

"some people at school call me a bitch. i ignore people, im rude to them i guess. but thats only because they either are mean or theyre mean."

"im not sure...but youre my friend, why dont you tell me?"

"haha i guess. we have conversations but theyre just on the phone and i definitely withhold things from you. im sorry im not a good friend"

"guilty consciences i guess?"

"i um dont want to talk about that"

"i think thats the first time i heard you laugh in the last however many minute."

"but also the fbi is listening so we dont talk about that"

"ok well im always here, ready to listen."

"not to sound like a therapist or anything but how do you feel about the way she used you?"

"if you could pick a phrase or a couple emotions to describe your emotions in the aftermath."

"you really liked her?"

"and not for your brain? or your smarts or whatever?"

"there are always exceptions. but i wont say that you wont meet people like that or shit. shit happens. things get fucked up. people are fuckers. i am not sure how to comfort you right now and maybe im not helping or ugh i dont know what im saying."

"all that im trying to say is stay true to your character and dont ever let go ok? i mean if that makes sense"

"no! youre not allowed haha. by the friendship law of carla, you are not allowed to leave this conversation."

"because i have one more thing to say and then youre allowed to exit the convo"

"EVERYONE and i mean everyone goes through shit they have their highs and lows. but you have to realize you are strong. that youll grow because of things like this. ok. dont look at this breakup as something that breaks your character."

"sleep tight jordan."

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hehe bonus update!!! i reread the last 4 chapters and i am 100% going to have to rewrite this book because its not even good like. writing. i dont know how yall do it. also anyone remember when i said this book was gonna be like 30 parts? just kidding! maybe between 40-50 parts? its much longer than i want it to be :(( but i have made progress! so i will have to power through.

-lila