Her eyes widened as she gazed at the man who had haunted her dreams and thoughts since the day she married. But he was also the man who had abandoned her on her wedding day. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and with all her strength she kicked at his shins to get free. But he was very strong, he didn't budge. Her hands on his chest in a futile attempt to push him off her.

"Quit fighting me, Nawal," he muttered breathlessly.

Defiantly she glared at him as she stilled.

"I will remove my hand but you better not scream," Daud said cautiously.

Slowly he lifted his hand from her mouth and when she remained motionless, he pushed himself off her. She took deep breaths to steady her nerves. Placing her hand where her heart was in her chest, she closed her eyes as she remained leaning on the wall.

"Go away please," she whispered. Her eyes still closed.

"I just want to speak to you." His hand splayed on the wall above her head. He was just a mere two steps away. She could sense that familiar scent of his. She yearned for it. Her heart racing at his closeness.

She pursed her lips, fighting to gain strength, "You are three months late." Her eyelids lifted, revealing moist black eyes.

It pained him to see sorrow in those emotional eyes, "Let me at least explain myself. I wanted to come to you."

For many minutes, she stared at him, believing he was standing in front of her or was it a figment of her own imagination.

"I saw them." She swallowed and looked at the dancing autumn leaves on the pathway. "I saw your son."

He was speechless. When she didn't speak, he said hoarsely, "I wanted to tell you so many times. I was afraid how you would react. I didn't want to lose you."

Angry eyes glowered at him, "Your lies made me lose my dreams and happiness."

She pushed herself off the wall, "Do me a favour don't ever come near me. There is nothing left between us."

He stepped in front of her, blocking her way, "But you haven't heard the whole truth."

"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. All I know I am his wife now." She side stepped him and quickly strode off, distancing herself from him but the wind carried his voice that wrenched her heart further, "Your tongue may lie Nawal but your eyes don't. You will not easily get rid of me."

She quickened her pace until she reached the bus stop. Thankfully, within few minutes the bus arrived and when she was seated in the double-decker yellow and blue Dublin bus, her tears were unleashed.

Why was he back?

Why this torment?

People came and went, streets disappeared as the bus sped, noises surrounded her but she was alone among everyone. Truly alone. There was no one she could cry out to. No one who would take her in arms and just be there for her.

****

In the darkness of the night, Salman lay on the bed of the hotel room, lost in his thoughts. It had been the two days since he had been on this business trip. The first day had gone by in a flash as he had nonstop meetings and he was exhausted from the travel. But now as he laid to sleep, he just couldn't. In the last three months of their marriage, he had gotten used to her sleeping beside him. They hardly cuddled but just her presence was enough for him. It brought a sense of tranquillity in his heart.

Taking hold of his phone, he gazed at her picture he had taken during their valima. It was a picture when she was smiling with her friends. A genuine and happy smile gracing her lips that was rare. He missed her smiles but she had stopped. Her words rushing back,

Her words had hit his heart hard. His insane jealousy has led him to drive his aggressiveness towards her. It wasn't easy to change but he will for her just like how she did for him. Then perhaps, they will find the happiness he desired.

Clicking on her name, he called her. His gaze flickered on his watch. It was after 11pm, most nights she slept early during weekdays when she was exhausted from the university. But he didn't have to wait long in three rings she answered it.

"How are you?" he asked after greeting her.

"Fine."

"Did you go to university today?" he knew he could have just checked her where about through the tracking application he had but it had been days since he had bothered looking on it.

"Yes, had a long day." She mumbled sleepily.

"You sound tired. Go to sleep early then." He wanted to say much more but why wasn't he able to express his feelings in words. When it came to his wife, it was difficult to say to her the deepest emotions. He just couldn't.

Sitting on her bed, with her open textbook on her lap, she was extremely frightened. She wished she could tell him what happened two days ago. But he would never understand her. Instead, she said the words she felt the most.

"When are you coming back?" she whispered.

"Another week most probably by next weekend I should be home."

"Ok..." she breathed heavily, "Come sooner if it is possible."

"Everything ok?"

Her heart fluttered and her hands perspired in worry of seeing Daud again. She couldn't see him again but his parting words were making her very anxious. She was afraid of her own feelings for Daud. She was disturbed about her emotional state and her deteriorating strength would betray her and she was struggling badly.

"I just want you home."

There was a long pause. "Don't worry I will try and wrap up work as soon as I can."

"Thank you." She murmured.

That night, it rained horrendously flooding the Celtic land. The winds blew harshly that the windows clanked to its tune and the clouds clashed. It was a storm – a sign nothing was to be same anymore.

She was petrified, shivering under the duvet curled in her bed, a plea left her lips.

"Please Allah keep him away from me..."

But prayers take their own time to be fulfilled.

****

The winds whistled, the sun veiled behind the grey clouds and the dried multi-coloured leaves were swinging in the rhythm of the severe breeze. Clutching her textbook to her chest, her teeth clattered as the first raindrops of that day leashed over her. Her footsteps hurried to find shelter among the age old nearly bare trees and the buildings of learning at the university campus.

The rain speeded and when she thought she had sought refuge near one of the cafés the enigmatic 6'2 man grabbed her hand and pulled her to safety. She snatched away her hand from his, his warm touch sending unwanted warmth to her being. Her pulse racing and her heart aching for the forbidden desires. But the reality was different as her gaze fell on the jewelled bangle that adorned her wrist a reminder of her husband and her marriage.

Standing at the entrance of the same Starbucks where they had met for the first time on the frosty memorable winter afternoon. His blue eyes probed hers, as same thoughts ran through their minds reliving the moments they first acknowledged their feelings all those months ago.

How had fate brought them back to where it all started?

"Just once hear me out." He rasped.

Her eyes were scanning the ferocious rain, there was no point of waiting outside. She would drench if she rushed to the bus stop right now.

She whirled around to the glass doors and said over her shoulder, "Only until the rain stops."

He followed her and curtly nodded at the corner table, "Get seated. I will get our drinks."

Before she could refuse, he walked off to the counter. Shoulders slumped she sat on a couch beside the clear glass window staring out at the teasing rain that had no mercy. Placing the tray on the small round table, Daud settled on the couch in front of her. She had no strength to look at him. Her eyes still on the rain.

"I know you don't want to see me. But don't you think you deserve to know the truth? The truth I tried my best to tell you on our wedding day but no one allowed me."

Sighing, she turned to him, her pleading eyes met his, "Why are you determined on adding salt to my wounds?"

"I will leave you once I have told you everything." He lifted the large porcelain mug of his coffee and took a sip.

Her gaze fell on the tray and her heart dropped, how did this man remembered what coffee she liked the most? Her lower lip quivered and she bit it to control her emotions. Head bowed, hands wrapped around the Mochaccino cup, she took the first sip.

"I planned to tell you everything. But I just wasn't getting any courage. But I had never thought that things will go out of hand and my past will come back to me."

"Why didn't you marry her? No child should be abandoned," she murmured. Her head lifted and her eyes scanned his features.

He exhaled deeply, forearms resting on the table he leaned forward, "After how badly my mother and I have faced racist attitude by my father's family I wasn't ready to do the same mistake. I maybe wrong but then all I thought was to be accepted by them."

Her head tilted, "Mighty selfish of you. What about the child? Doesn't he deserve a father?"

"Of course he does. I have given him everything I could in my power. And I will continue to do so until my last breath."

"Did you really plan to tell me?"

Slightly taken aback, "Of course Nawal. How long do you think I could have hid the truth from you? And even that day I had said I would marry her and I would marry you. But everyone said you wouldn't want to marry a man who has another wife."

Her heart beat accelerated and the tormented memories of the last few weeks came back, breaking her heart in pieces. Tears filled in her eyes, "Why didn't you ask me?" A tear fell on her cheek, "I would have married you even if you had another wife as long you gave both of us our rights."

He was speechless.

"If only you would have never lied to me." Another tear fell, her lips pursed subsiding a sob. "You played with my feelings. And so does he. I feel I am a puppet in all this."

He shook his head, his hand covered hers, "No Nawal of course not. You know what you meant to me." his voice lowered, "And still do."

She pulled her hand fiercely that she spilled hot coffee on her hand. He immediately blew on it and took hold of a paper napkin to wipe off the hot liquid from her hand.

She smiled sardonically, "Today you are eager to make sure I don't burn. What about the lifetime wounds you have given me."

Ignoring her sarcasm, he lightly rubbed his thumb over her hand, "I tried my best what I could do. Your parents were not ready to listen to me. If it wasn't for Salman."

Her jaw clenched, "Don't bring him into this."

His hold on her hand tightened, "Do you even know what dirty trick your husband played in all this?"

She tried to pull her hand away but he held it firmly in his grip, "I don't want to know."

"He is the one who orchestrated to bring Susan at my parents doorstep on the wedding day."

She froze and her eyes widened.

"Since the day we got engaged he was after us one way or another."

The photographs of the stud flashed in her mind. She was utterly still like a statue.

"If it wasn't for his interference we would have been married." He brought her hand to his lips, kissing where her hand was still red from the burn. As soon as his lips touched her skin, she scorched further. She tugged her hand free with a jerk and stood up in haste.

This was too much to cope. She had to run away from here.

Salman ruined her dreams. Daud came back and flooding with old memories.

Her heart bled and blindly she ran out of the café into the rain. But nothing mattered only distancing herself from her past.

She ran and ran and ran. Until she fell on her knees on the mushy grassy grounds and cried along with the heavens.

Fate had played the cruellest trick on her.

Today she stood on the threshold ready to walk forward in the future which was full of thorns but her past was still pulling her back to those blissful moments.

She was lost. Totally lost.

****

Days passed by in agony. But disturbing thoughts never left her mind. She was more troubled than before. There was no peace at all. Salman was very busy during his trip. He hardly called. It was only at night he would call for few minutes and even then she didn't feel like talking to him.

How much more could she take?

In nearly 20 years of her life, she had learned the bitter and harsh reality of what pain was. This was why when she saw him next time she easily succumbed. She wanted to be healed but little did she know she sought it from the same man who had wounded her in the first place.

Her eyebrows knotted, one day after class as she saw him standing outside in the hall, "Are you following me?"

A sly smile curved his lips, "You wish. I was here only to give you back your book. You forgot it at the table the other day."

Holding the book, she forcefully said, "Now you can leave."

"I will walk with you to the bus stop."

"You have become a pest. Do you know that?" she peered at him, thinking she just insulted him.

He chuckled, "Don't worry I don't sting."

She faltered on her step. This was refreshing, a humour she missed. If she would have said something like this to her husband he would have insulted her instead. But Daud was different. Oh, how she missed their late night chats, the laughter, the whispers and much more.

Shaking her head as if to get rid of those memories, "Daud, there is no point of you coming to me. I am a married woman now."

"We can be friends can't we?"

She stopped in her walk and turned to him, "Where will this friendship lead? Please just leave me alone."

"For old time sake," his eyes twinkled and then he sobered, "I can see a bit of laughter can help you."

"You don't know anything."

He stepped closer, "Your lips maybe sealed but your eyes cry the sorrow you feel."

She lowered her eyelids, unwilling to let him see what was hidden in them.

"Your heart cries as does mine, remembering those moments. Where there was just you and me." he took another step closer. Her breath hitched.

"You are not happy, your body says it all," he whispered, his knuckles lightly brushed her cheek. He lowered his head to hijab-clad ear, "Your yearn what I yearn."

His nearness, his touch, his scent. It was all too much. And in that moment she surrendered. A cry left her lips, tears fell and when his arms went around her, she couldn't help herself from crashing against his chest.

Finally, she found someone to cry to.

If only for few moments...

"He is breaking me apart." She cried. "My heart weeps every moment. He has shattered my soul Daud." She buried her face in his chest, "Why did you leave me? Why? Why?"

Rubbing his cheek on top of her head, he closed his eyes in anguish and felt her tears drenching his shirt. His hands soothingly stroked her back, "Shh...shh... beautiful enough."

She cried harder hearing the endearment he always called her. To Salman, she was a nuisance but this man had made her believe in herself.

But he was not hers...

***

Since that day, a new friendship was born. They spent time together on the campus or at times at city centre where his office was located. Her heart felt lighter for the last few days. Daud was able to bring a smile back to her face and most of all laughter in her life that was missing. Now as she stood in front of the mirror one evening brushing her hair, she noticed the sparkle in her eyes had returned and the stress lines around her face had disappeared.

He truly had magic in his words. How caring he was? He easily anticipated her every small need. Whether it was to order her favourite food at the restaurant or just teasing her so that she would laugh. A blush crept up her face and she beamed. He was like a light in this dark tunnel she was living in.

The door knob twisted and her eyes flickered to the door, an exhausted Salman entered the room. Stunned, she stood motionless. He had finally come back.

Their eyes met but she hastily looked away. How could she meet her eyes with him?

"Assalam u alaikum" he greeted with a smile in his voice.

She murmured her response and turned to the dresser. Her hands clutching the ends of it tightly. How will she face her husband now after days spending in the company of another man?

He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist drawing her closer to him. His lips on her cheek, "Don't I even get a welcome kiss from my wife?"

Slowly he turned her in his arms and with his forefinger and thumb under her chin he raised her face to his. He gazed at her intently. But she refused to meet his eyes.

"What is the matter?" he frowned.

"Nothing." she shook her head slowly.

He bent his head slightly, his lips only inches away, "I missed you."

He pressed his lips to hers. Moulding his lips with hers, he kissed her softly but she was unable to respond. Confused, he lifted his head and again looked at her face.

Before he could voice his thoughts, she hurriedly stepped back, "I...I ... I think khala is calling me."

She scurried from the room and the multitude emotions she was feeling.

Locking herself in the downstairs toilet, she leaned her forehead against the door,

What has she gotten herself into?

-------------