Nawal had been restless since that afternoon. The movie was no distraction either. The darkness of the night hid her secrets and her distress. Now for the last half an hour she was mustering up courage to ask her husband the one question that was stressing her a lot. Resting on a pile of pillows against the headboard of the bed, she discreetly glanced at her husband sideways. He was busy reading an article on his mobile phone.

She cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Shaking her head at her silliness, she hesitantly questioned in a very hushed tone, "Can I ask something?"

"Hmmm..." he looked up from his phone giving her his full attention.

"What do you think of children?" her eyes lowered and her fingers were fidgeting with the ends of the duvet that she was snuggled under. It had been troubling her a lot. Not once during their nearly seven month's marriage he had uttered a single word or desire about children.

He shrugged nonchalantly, "What about children? They are cute and naughty."

"No...I ... mean our children." her eyelids lifted and her cheeks pinked. This was mortifying but she had to know. He was about to answer when she added trying to clarify, "You have never said anything about it so I was just curious."

"Allah will bless us when He wants. Of course I want children." he gently smiled and then his hand covered hers that was laying on her stomach, fingers interlacing in encouragement, "Are you worried about motherhood?"

"I ...I don't know." She stammered.

"He will bless us at the right time. Don't stress yourself." His thumb of his other hand lightly caressed the length of her cheek.

She smiled back. She sealed her lips and refrained telling him her doubt about the matter. She would tell him after she had taken the pregnancy test. But she was confident now that he wasn't opposed on having children. Otherwise, she had horrified stories of some men adverse to the idea of having children. She loved children but motherhood did frighten her. As she gazed into her husband's warm dark eyes, she knew he was right.

Allah is the best planner.

****

The phone rang the umpteenth time and she ignored it yet again. The phone was on silent. She was not bothered to answer his calls or texts. He had deeply hurt her the way he had mocked her with his crude words. A corner of her heart still longed for him and felt bad for him especially when he had poured his heart out to her that how much lonely he was. She was much undecided but she was wisely thinking now. There was no point to dwell in the past. Rather she had to live in the present and look forward to the future. She placed her hand on her stomach and a smile touched her lips. Today, she would find out whether her doubt was true or not. And if that is the case, there was no point in keeping a relationship with a man who was nothing but trouble.

She was a soft hearted person and it was difficult to say no to him directly. All she did was pray for him that he finds his happiness soon and forgets about her. Sometimes, his words haunted her, contemptuous words disturbing her that how easily she had dismissed the moments spent in his company. But she was slowly learning holding on to the past only hurts. Her heart was finally healing and she didn't want to go through the agony anymore. Talking, chatting and especially meeting with Daud would turn disastrous where she would hurt herself.

More importantly, in the last few weeks Salman was an amiable husband. He wasn't Daud. No one will take up Daud's place as he was the first man in her life but Salman was to her only man and will be the last until her last breath. Especially if her assumptions were correct, her hand roamed over her flat stomach.

She grabbed her hijab and winter jacket and skidded down the stairs to the living room where Seema was getting ready to leave.

"Khala you said you were going to Dunnes Store right?" Nawal inquired, remembering Seema mentioning about purchasing groceries.

Seema nodded as she shrugged in her thick jacket, "Yes I was just about to leave."

"Can I come with you? I need to buy something from Boots." Nawal eagerly said.

Seema smiled softly, "Is it a pregnancy test you are thinking to get?"

Nawal cheeks warmed and she averted her eyes from her Khala's, "Ummm... yeah." She said feebly.

Bridging the gap between them, Seema kissed Nawal's forehead, "May Allah bless you and Salman with a healthy baby. Ameen." Patting her shoulder, "Let's go then."

"Ameen" Nawal muttered under her breath as she followed her mother in law to the door.

Hours later Nawal was standing next to the bathroom sink waiting for the test results to appear on the stick. Within few seconds the two pink lines appeared affirming her doubts. Tears blurred her vision. Her lips pressed together and her fingers quivered.

A baby.

Her baby.

Salman and her baby. Tears fell on her cheek. She had so many emotions within her. Excitement, happiness, nervousness and even frightened. She still had one more semester to go but that wasn't a problem, she would complete her last semester by the time she would be 6-7 months pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy but she had never thought of any contraceptive methods. It was a blessing. Truly a blessing.

Her hand lightly felt her smooth stomach. It would surely bring her and Salman closer and most of all any more reminders and thoughts of Daud would be forgotten. She would start anew with Salman. Clear all doubts she had with him and then never look back.

Tonight she would tell him everything. She would also tell him about Daud and ask for his forgiveness and then they could focus only on the future.

With these thoughts she left the toilet and on shaky legs went down to help Seema with the remaining dinner preparations.

Seema had one look at Nawal and she knew. "So it's true?" she lowered the flame of the curry she was cooking and turned to Nawal.

Nawal bashfully nodded, her eyes floored. Seema smile broadened and she hugged Nawal tightly. "You have made me really happy Nawal. Alhumduillah. Do you plan to tell Salman tonight?"

"Yes inshaa Allah after dinner."

"Okay then I will wait until he knows then we will tell your khalu and Manal." Beamed Seema, "Why are you standing? Sit down now. You have to take care of yourself from now on and definitely stop skipping your meals as you do just because you don't feel like it."

"Jee."

"Sit there," she gestured to the chair, "You can prepare salad I will get you all the vegetables."

"Khala I can do that. I am feeling fine." Nawal whined.

"I know you are fine but we don't want you all stressed over some petty chores now."

All during dinner, Seema's smile never faltered and Nawal was counting minutes to speak to Salman who seemed exhausted from a very hard day at work.

It was later in the evening when they were in their room, Nawal sat on the bed beside Salman and lightly touched his arm, "I found out something a few days ago which has been troubling me and I wanted to ask you but I never had the courage to ask."

Salman frowned, "You can ask me anything you want, you know that."

She looked away, her eyes with a distant look, old memories flooding back, "Was it your hand in stopping my marriage with Daud?"

Salman stiffened and he grew quiet for a long time. His penetrating gaze scanned her face, "Who told you this?"

She lightly shook her head, "It doesn't matter I just want to know from you."

Salman jerked away from her and stood up, sauntering to the window, he gazed outside. The bleak winter night with tall bare trees and soundless freezing winds brought chills to the heart. He could easily lie and tell her he had nothing to do with it. His mind rebelled, he wanted to break down all barriers between them and even if that meant admitting the brutal truth. Call it stupidity but his next words would jeopardize his relationship with her. But he was ready to take the chance. Hoping against hope that after so many months, her heart had softened towards him.

His back was towards her and she could see how his shoulders sagged, his hand running in his hair, "You are right I did have a role in it."

Her hands trembled, "What did you do?"

He spun around and his eyes held hers, "Nawal since we were young I only envisioned you as my bride." He took a cautious step towards her. "I know you didn't like me much. And when Daud and you got engaged I ... I .. just couldn't take it anymore." he heaved and his head lowered, "I was jealous. I tried my best to get rid of this feeling but I couldn't. And also somewhere in the corner of my heart I knew Daud wasn't worthy of you. I had this inkling that he was hiding something." He shrugged to lighten the intense mood, "And I hired investigators to find out about him." He took another step closer to her.

"So you meddled with my marriage so you can have your way one way or another?" she breathed. Her heart beat accelerated.

He knelt down in front of her. Taking hold of her cold hands and searching her eyes with his, "I am sorry Nawal. I really am. I know in all this I have hurt you." He squeezed her hands, "Believe me, my intention was never to hurt you but reveal the truth about Daud."

"But you did hurt me." she echoed.

"I know and for that I have felt bad. I thought you would be delighted to know the truth." His eyes boring into hers.

She stared at him long and hard. There was sincerity all over his face. "I can't do anything about it now can I?"

His hold on her hands loosened and his eyebrows drew together, "Do you mean to say if you get a chance you will go back to Daud?"

She thought of the little being within her and she slowly shook her head, "No I will not."

His shoulders relaxed and he took a deep breath, "I am sorry. Tell me how I can make up to you."

There was nothing he could do. His honesty had revealed that he cared enough about her and would not conceal the truth from her. "Thank you for telling me the truth. I don't want any lies between us anymore."

"Of course Nawal I understand that. We will be together for life inshaa Allah. There is no point lying to you about anything. I don't want to hurt you intentionally or unintentionally." His husky voice built a comfort shield around her. He tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. She wasn't able to look away from his mesmerizing eyes. She was slowly drowning in them.

Remorse filled her heart and she made up her mind to tell him all about Daud and her that had occurred in the last few months. "I have something to confess too." her lips uttered and her heart speeded.

He cupped her cheek and leaned forward, "What is it?"

Just as she was about to disclose all and leave nothing behind. A loud shout resonated from downstairs startling both of them.

"YOU WANT TO DO WHAT?" bellowed Muhammad.

Scowling, Salman hastily stood up and strode out of the bedroom. Nawal too trailed after her husband. There was a chaos in the living room. Manal was standing with her hands crossed over her chest. Seema was standing between Manal and Muhammad. She was holding him back by the shoulders as Muhammad was ready to pounce at Manal. There was blood in his eyes and he was aggressively pushing his wife aside so he could bring some sense in his daughter.

"Abou I love him and I want to marry him." Manal calmly announced.

Salman walked in the room and immediately grabbed his mother's arm and pulled her back. He clamped a strong hand on his father's shoulder hindering him to take a step forward towards Manal.

Salman shouted over his shoulder, "Manal go to your room."

"But –" Manal stayed strong.

"Now" Salman yelled.

Manal glared at her brother and lethargically left the room.

"Leave me Salman." Immediately Salman let go of his father. "How dare she say that?" Muhammad pointed at Seema, "This is what happens when we give too much liberty to girls. First she was not remorseful that my friend found her in an uncompromising situation with that filthy boy and then she admits she wants to marry him. A sandwich maker? A grocery shop employee that's who she wants to marry."

Seema raised her hands and stepped closer to sooth her husband, "Calm down. I will talk to her."

Muhammad shook his head, "Manal was never like that. Never. She was always a sensible girl." His eyes darted at Nawal who was standing at the corner of the room. Vehemently, he pointed an accusing finger at Nawal, "It's all her fault." His eyes met Salman's, "I told you never to marry her. She is a bad influence on Manal."

Salman gritted his teeth and his hands curled into fists at his sides, "Leave Nawal out of this. She has nothing to do with this."

"Oh don't we all know her character. Her relationship with Daud before she got married to you."

Nawal gasped. She stepped back, distancing herself from the verbal assaults of her father in law. She was unable to defend herself but she didn't need to, her man was there for her.

"Abou don't bring Nawal into the sins of Manal. Nawal is innocent. She hasn't done anything. Whatever she had with Daud is her past. She is my wife now and she deserves respect." Salman seethed.

"I don't trust her and so shouldn't you. I am shocked to see you let her go around alone with friends." Muhammad verbally jabbed.

"I don't believe this." Salman anger was escalating with every venom filled word Muhammad spoke, "My wife deserves respect Abou. Blame Manal as much as you want but not Nawal. She is nothing to do in all this and I am sure she has no idea what Manal has been up to."

A defeated man Muhammad stepped back and slumped on the sofa. His hands on his head, "Tell Manal to resign tomorrow. She is not to leave this house anymore. Definitely not alone. Take away the car keys from her."

Seema hesitantly said, "You are being too harsh on her."

Muhammad's head shot up, "I will be harsh today but I will not regret tomorrow."

Seema had a pained look in her eyes but stood calmly, "Salman and Nawal go to your room. I will talk to your father."

Nawal stood frozen. Her heart racing hard. She wasn't able to decipher words around her anymore. Her fingers were numb when Salman held them strongly and gently tugged her out of the room. Her feet felt heavy when she stepped on the stairs. Her heart was sinking hard.

She was being punished because of her past relationship with Daud. She was battling to forget him but the world was not ready to forgive her or forget the past. Her gaze lingered on her husband he quietly switched off the light of their bedroom so that they prepare to sleep. He was forgiving. He had let go of her past for her. Tonight, he was her protective shield, her strength and her saviour. She couldn't betray him in any way possible. Laying on her side, tears of shame spilled from her eyes. She hadn't been the best wife to him. But tonight he had fought for her. He stood beside her rigidly ready to protect her from any adversity against her.

She bit her lip and closed her eyes as more tears dribbled down.

In the silence of the night, she blocked Daud's number, deleted his texted and calls.

Goodbye Daud Siddique.

With every breath, my sincerity lies with my husband, Salman Siddique.

In the moment she truly felt a burden had been lifted from her heart. It is said a woman's heart is deep as an ocean. Her secrets would always stay inside the lock of heart. The mistakes she made would not be repeated. She would be a dedicated wife and mother from this day forth and eventually will learn to love him. Only him.

But in this high tech world nothing is hidden...

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