In the dimly lit study room that encompassed of a large oak wood desk with papers stacked neatly on it along with sleek silver Mac Book's screen gleaming, playing shadows between the two people who stared at each other. Nawal stood eyeing the man she married. The man who was the father of her baby. A person she had learned to understand despite all odds. Over the course of more than one year of their marriage, she never thought she would stand in front of him ready to resolve issues between them. The light flickered emphasizing his chiselled jaw that had couple of day's stubble grown. He never grew a thick beard instead it was always like a week old stubble. Her mind wandering to the times when she had touched it idly.

"Nawal?"

Her cheeks warmed at the direction of her thoughts. Her eyes dropped to the floor. What was wrong with her? She was here to finally talk the matter and here she was busy admiring his beard.

She bit her bottom lip to stop from being embarrassed further, "I don't want to hide anything. You may not like the truth. But it's the truth." Her eyelids rose and her eyes met his. She staggered a step, shocked to see what was in his eyes. She was expecting rage or even a bored look, instead his eyes spoke with admiration.

This encouraged her. She took a deep breath and said more confidently, "You know well I never agreed to our marriage. The ... the..." she thought for the right word, clearing her throat she then spoke in a softer tone, "the circumstances that led to our marriage forced me to accept my fate. We didn't start on the right foot either. I was stubborn on not giving you a chance. I was grieving over what I had planned. And you ... you.." she just couldn't go on.

"It's okay Nawal, say what you want to say. I am not going to be offended." He said without abating an eyelash.

She nodded, then glanced at the two seater sofa against the far wall, "Can I sit and talk. It's easier."

Immediately, he stood up, "Of course I was too engrossed on what you were saying that I didn't realize you were standing."

He followed her and when she was seated on the black leather sofa, he sat beside her but careful to leave ample space between them.

Sighing, she fidgeted with the gold and gems bangle he had given her, "I thought you were an arrogant man. You were strong on making sure I bend to your rules. There were times I felt suffocated in our relationship. Then there were times I felt you wanted to mould me into a person you desired to see me as. I was getting fed up. We never did communicate, did we?" she lifted her head, regretting perhaps she said too much.

"No we never did," his tone low, regret etched his face.

"When you left for the business trip, I was really low then. I felt lonely. I had no one to turn to. That's when I met Daud on campus. He just showed up out of nowhere. I ran away from him. I was angry at him too for leaving me on the day of the wedding. But the next time, I saw him at the campus, he reminded me of the good times we had and I just wasn't able to stop myself."

She pursed her lips, grudgingly, she glanced at him. He was staring at the desk. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"Maybe I shouldn't say more." she whispered.

"No, go on. I want to know." He whispered back but he never looked at her.

Slightly nodding, what could be worse than their situation now? She had nothing to lose. There was nothing on stake any more. It was better to be clear and honest now. Rest she would leave it to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.

"We met few times in campus while you were away. He kept reminding me of the times we spent together. The good times. He made me laugh and wiped my tears."

Salman cringed. His heart beat racing now. It hurt too much to hear this. He had to know. There were too many unanswered questions on his mind. With a painful breath, he endured every torturous description she gave of her time with Daud.

"Then you came back. I realized my mistake straight away. I even told Daud we shouldn't meet up anymore. Our relationship started changing. It was for the good this time. I ... I realized my mistake that I should give you a chance. Should give this marriage a chance. So I ignored Daud's calls and text messages. He never gave up. Never. Until one day, he followed me to Dundrum Shopping centre when I went with my friends."

This was the hard bit. How would she admit what happened that forbidden afternoon.

"He persisted he wanted to talk to me and that too alone. I kept telling him to just go away. He said it was important so I agreed and went to meet him in the underground car park. There, he ... he... allured me with his words and ... and..." she swallowed hard. How could she say it?

The deafening silence was tormenting Salman. He was in turmoil. Part of him didn't want to hear all of this and the other part was waiting.

"And?"

"He kissed me."

He shut his eyes tightly and the hands on his sides curled into fists.

"From that day onwards, I blocked all his numbers. Everything. I hated myself then and I was ready to amend our frail relationship. It is then I found out about the baby. This strengthened my determination."

He still wasn't looking at her as if he was disgusted by her. A lump formed in her throat. This was it. The end of their relationship. She might as well say it all.

"He called me from different numbers. I never answered until the day you saw us, he sent me pictures of the time in the car in Dundrum Shopping Centre. He said he will delete the pictures if I come to the office then. I went and he manipulated me. I wanted to run away. He forced himself on me and... and you saw the rest." She finished lamely.

His hand cupped the side of his jaw, he stared at his work desk, lost in remorseful thoughts. All mysteries were solved now. He had answers to all the questions. There wasn't an ounce of satisfaction after hearing all this. In fact, he was numb, devoid of any feelings.

The woman he had loved with passion and craze had been finding solace in the arms of another man. Why didn't she ever approach him? What next now? Every time they would have misunderstandings in their life would she turn to another man? But she hadn't. In the last six months since he had proclaimed divorce, she had been steadfast and firm in her belief and fortitude to make this relationship work.

This is why he voiced his biggest doubt, "Would you go back to him if he ever comes back?"

She slid across the sofa, closing the distance between them. Timidly, her fingers touched his. The warmth of her hand encompassing his hand. The waft of her floral perfume enveloping him. Her other hand touched his roughened cheek. Fingers threading in the dark locks above his ear. She turned his face so their eyes met.

"I made a mistake. A severe mistake. I never knew that matters would escalate this far. I trusted him and he took advantage of my gullibility. My present and future lies with you. You are my husband. The one chosen by Him above all. The father of my child. I ... I.. want to start over. Just you and me this time. No more fear. No more secrets." Her eyes pleaded, "Please."

For many minutes, he stared at her. Was she really sincere? He gently pried her hand from his face.

"I don't know what I want." He murmured and slowly rose to his feet.

He took steps towards the door.

Her heart plummeted. She said to his back, "Is this it, then?"

He spun around, "I know one thing Nawal. I loved you like a mad man. I was crazy for you. I don't remember the last time I never thought of you. I know I took wrong steps to finally make you mine. And we didn't have a great start in this relationship. But never in my wild dreams had I thought you would sought comfort in another man's arms. Sometimes I think perhaps you are right we are never meant for each other. Then other times I just want to believe this is all a nightmare and my Nawal is pure. She is mine alone."

"I am yours."

Dejectedly, he shook his head. His head dipped. "Give me a few days. I will tell you what I have decided."

"You will abandon us?" she laid a hand on her protruding stomach and her voice croaked as her throat parched.

His eyes met hers, "Please Nawal don't make this more difficult for us."

Tears blurred her vision. With hasty steps, she wanted to leave him alone. When she crossed him, he caught her wrist.

"You are forgetting something." He pressed the car keys in her hand.

Fiery eyes met his, "What is the point of the car now?"

"Nawal please just take it."

"Put us all out of this misery once and for all."

He pulled her closer to him. His forehead resting against the crown of her head. A tremor went down his spine. She cupped his face, "Please."

They were so close. He could see the freckles on her nose. The tears spiking her eyelashes. His eyes dropping to her mouth. An anguish going through him.

"Give me time. I will get us out of this misery." His fingers dug in her arms, he expressed passionately his inner most desire, "I don't want to abandon you Nawal. I don't."

Her fingers slid down his face, touching his lips.

"I will wait."

****

The days passed by in a haze. Nawal threw herself in studying to face the looming examinations. She didn't come out of room. In fact, hardly anyone saw her. Days and nights were spent with her books. Hunger vanished, thirst forgotten. The worry of excelling so to invest in her future was the drive for her to work hard.

And work hard she did. Seema was concerned and forced Nawal to eat and exercise a bit so that she didn't have aching muscles. Salman showed his apprehension in his subtle way, discreetly asking Seema about her.

It was the weekend and Seema was persistent to drag Nawal out of her bedroom.

"Nawal Chanda, it is Saturday evening, you can take a break for a few hours." Seema crossed her arms in front of her, standing next to the bed.

Nawal bit her lip as she read through her class notes, "I will khala in a bit. I will take a warm bath and then sleep early tonight."

"I thought you would accompany Muhammad and me to Mr. Yahyah's dinner."

Nawal cringed thinking of Zarah, "Actually khala why don't you go. I will be fine at home."

"Fine as you wish. But sleep early. There are left overs in the fridge okay?" She exasperated.

Nawal smiled reassuringly, "Thanks." She slammed her book closed and rubbed her neck to ease the kink.

Stretching her arms, she decided a warm bath would ease all her aches and pains.

Half an hour later, when she emerged from the bathroom clad in a soft printed cotton night dress, she had plans to indulge in some food and sleep. The text message tone alerted her. That was odd, there was a text from Salman.

.

He didn't go to the dinner. But why? Strolling to the kitchen, she found a big bag full of different paper boxes and foil boxes. One by one, she opened them, discovering all her favourite items from the menu.

With a pleasing smile, she dug into the scrumptious food. After the meal as she cleaned the kitchen counter, another text message tone grabbed her attention. Abandoning the cleaning, she clicked on it.

Biting her lip, she was about to type a reply when she sensed him. Her smile growing on her lips. She whirled around. There, leaning against the kitchen doorframe, Salman was smirking.

"Thank you," she said with gratitude. Her eyes sparkling impishly.

He nodded. As he walked back to his room, he realized for her smile he would do anything.

He hated and loved that feeling at the same time.

She was making him weak by the day.

His resolution to never forgive was on the verge of breaking.

****

Salman sat up amidst tangled duvet. He was heaving, his heart hammering loudly in his chest. Tremors going down his body. He was soaking in his own sweat. Wet spots clearly visible on his light blue t-shirt. His eyes roamed around the room, making out his surroundings.

It took a minute for him to realize it was a dream. No a nightmare. He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. What if she is not alright? Panic rose in his blood, he pushed back the duvet and ran downstairs.

Without bothering to knock, he yanked open the door to Nawal's room. He came to a standstill at the image that greeted him. She was sleeping on her side, her hand protectively on her large baby bump.

His heart beat eased down as he slumped on the floor beside the bed. For many minutes, he gazed at her and then at her protruding stomach. Quivering fingers lightly touched her stomach. His hand splayed on top of it. Why couldn't he feel the baby today? His doubts rising.

Nawal stirred in her sleep and groggily opened her eyes. With one hand, she rubbed her eyes to clear her vision. She still saw Salman. What was he doing here?

"Why are you here?" she asked, her voice still husky from sleep.

His gaze shifted from her stomach to her face. He scrutinized every inch of her face. There was no deviousness or deception on her face. He couldn't do it anymore.

Standing up, he staggered backwards,

"I forgive you."

Nawal's eyes widened, sleep vanishing.

"I forgive you."

He took another step back and then spun around and strode out of the room.

Nawal pushed herself to a sitting position.

What was that?

****

It was breakfast as usual, Muhammad and Adil were speaking about business meetings while they sipped their tea. Seema was hurriedly setting fried eggs on a plate. Today, even Nawal was joining them, sitting on the corner chair, she sipped her orange juice.

When Seema settled down on the chair, ready to start her breakfast, Salman sauntered in the room. He loudly greeted everyone. Mumbling response is what he got from his family members. He purposively strode to Nawal.

Slowly, she set her orange juice glass on the dining table and raised her eyes to his.

"Nawal, I take you back as my wife."

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Gham hai yaa Khushii hai tuu

merii zindagii hai tuu

aafatoN ke daur meN

chain kii ghaRii hai tuu

merii raat kaa chiraaGh

merii niiNd bhii hai tuu

maiN KhizaaN kii shaam huuN

rut bahaar kii hai tuu

dostoN ke darmiyaan

vajh-e-dostii hai tuu

merii saarii umr meN

aik hii kamii hai tuu

maiN to vo nahiiN rahaa

haaN! magar vohii hai tuu

"Nasir" is dayaar meN

kitnaa ajnabii hai tuu

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