Nawal clutched tightly the steel frame of the walking aid. Her eyebrows drew together in concentration. Sweat trickling down her hairline to her temple. Biting her lower lip, she lifted her one heavy foot. The simple act of taking steps was a huge ordeal now. Her foot was lifeless, she had to drag herself and put in excruciating effort to take the step. When her foot landed on the floor again she exhaled deeply.

"Good. C'mon just a few more steps," the physiotherapist encouraged.

She pushed forward her other leg.

The physiotherapist hissed in displeasure, "Not like that. Lift your foot up."

Nawal didn't look up, she was ashamed of not trying hard enough. But the fact was, it was not easy at all. In fact, a dread was setting within her, perhaps she would never be like how she was prior to this accident that still she didn't remember.

A warm masculine hand covered her own on the walking stand, "Nawal look at me."

Reluctantly, she raised her head and gazed at the man who was beside her at all her waking hours. Through this agony of recovering her health, he was becoming her strength steadily. Their eyes met. Over the days, he had changed. He wasn't the same man she had married. He wasn't the same man she knew prior to the accident. In fact, he was entirely a new person.

His face softened, he squeezed her hand affectionately, "Our Rania is waiting for her mother. I want you to walk out that door," he pointed at her hospital room door, "So that when you are home, you can walk around with our daughter. And when times come help her learn to walk."

She pursed her lips, stopping them from quivering.

"Please, Nawal you have to do this. The Nawal I know is a fighter. I want to see that Nawal again." He gently tucked the loose strand behind her ear.

"I will." She whispered.

He feigned bewilderment, "I didn't hear you. Say it louder."

"I will," this time she said with more determination.

He grinned and stepped back. There was no more hesitation in Nawal's efforts as she took the next two steps with meticulousness.

In a couple of minutes, the physiotherapy session was over, the physiotherapist noted down the progress in Nawal's hospital file as she murmured, "Good job Nawal. If you keep this up we should see much more recovery than before."

Nawal leaned back on the pillows, her eyes flickered at Salman. He was proudly smiling. "She will. Just a few more days." He said with such strong conviction that even Nawal believed him.

A couple more days and she would be free to go home.

****

The late summer showers were pouring down, flooding the lowlands. The birds hid under the safety of leafy trees. The thirsty soil absorbed the much needed rain. New blooms emerged and grew fuller to their size. In amidst the changes of the weather, Daud's recovery was slow. It wasn't due to lack of strength or capability. But his determination was lost now.

A week after proposing to Susan, he stood against the wooden doorframe of the backyard door, gazing out at his parents' wet backyard garden. He brought the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled deeply. The smoke he exhaled turned to mist in the rain.

The plaster should have been taken off this week but the doctors delayed it seeing his lack of recovery. In the last few days, he had become miserable. He was confined to his room, irritated with his disability and in all honesty giving up. He had always blamed others in his life for his misery but the reality was that he had destructed his own happiness.

Smudging the cigarette bud against the metal frame, he threw it in the nearby bin. He gripped tightly the crunches and then stepped in the rain. Standing in the heavy downpour he let the blessings from above the heavens slowly soak him. His face lifted up to the darkened sky. His eyes were closed, he was lost in the sensation of being drenched in the rain. As the raindrops cleansed his face, his eyelids rose, the sharp blue gazed up the grey sky.

The silence was killing him. The forlorn attitude was now eating him up. If only he could go back to his life and change the reckless steps he took. It wasn't possible. The time lost never comes back. All he had was regret.

In that moment of sorrow, tears poured down his eyes mixing with the rain. He was a lone man and always will be.

With each tear, he lost hope of ever finding happiness.

But he underestimated the mercy of his Lord.

****

The meal time had passed by ages ago but Nawal's food was untouched. The hospital meal was tasteless. She had lost all her appetite. She didn't complain. Instead, wouldn't eat anything. During meal times, no visitors were allowed so no one ever found out how much she was consuming. Or so she thought.

Her stomach was churning with hunger. She might as well eat the fruits Salman had brought her. Vigilantly, she sat up and scooted to the bedside table. She opened the first drawer to find it empty. She huffed in annoyance, even her fruit had all been consumed. Her shoulders hunched, so much for planning to eat.

She leaned against the pillows and closed her eyes. The only way she knew to ignore the continuous rumbling of her stomach was to sleep it off. But then an aroma confused her. Why could she sense delicious food? She frowned but the aroma wouldn't go away. In frustration, she opened her eyes and then gasped.

Salman was setting up on her bedside table with boxes of take away and from the looks of it, it was Chinese food. "Someone's not been eating her meals." He glanced at the untouched meal tray.

Nawal's mouth salivated. It had been too long since she had a decent meal.

"Chicken Chowmein?" Salman offered the paper box full of noodles, vegetables and chicken fried in Chinese sauces and spices.

She gratefully took the box in her hands. Salman handed her a fork and sat back on the chair beside the bed as he watched her eat. His days were spent at the hospital with the exception of going for salah at the nearby mosque that was hardly 5km away. There were times he observed Nawal was slipping into frustration because of her health. He was always there to encourage her and remind her to be patient. With time, she would be herself.

"You are staring at me," she mumbled as she twirled the fork in the noodle box.

"Well I am waiting for you to finish that off so I can give you your dessert," he smirked when her eyes widened in surprise.

True to his promise, he presented her a chocolate brownie which disappeared in minutes. Now that Nawal was full, she rested, her eyes still lingering on Salman. Sometimes, it felt like all this was a dream. To see him so supportive was indeed like living a dream. Then other times, she doubted his motives behind his actions. But she never expressed her inner feelings.

"Thank you for the meal. I was very hungry," she whispered.

"I will tell Ammi to cook for you so that you don't need to eat hospital food." Salman suggested.

"That would be nice." She thought for a few seconds and said out loud, "Khala only visited once."

Nodding slowly, Salman cleared her doubt, "Ammi is busy with Rania all day long. Inshaa Allah once you are home she will be with you all the time."

Her eyes were desolate, "I want to go home. I want to be with Rania."

"Then you better work hard to get well soon." he stood up and came closer to her side, "We all miss you at home. It's not the same without you."

She incredulously stared at him. He kissed her forehead. His minty breath fanned her face. Their noses only an inch away. He cradled her cheek with his hand, "I have so much to say to you. Not now. Not here."

For many minutes, she wasn't able to look away from his face. She just wanted to feel. His closeness, his warmth, and his strength. Then she quietly probed, "What do you want to say?"

He pecked her nose and straightened to his full height, "Once you are home." he winked, "I promise." A naughty grin spread his lips.

Despite her qualms, she smiled. All because his smile was infectious.

****

Every Friday evenings, Susan visited Dublin Mosque for the women's halaqa (study circle) where she had made friends with many of the Muslim sisters. However, since Daud's injury, she didn't visit the mosque. Today, after many weeks of absence she was back in the mosque. Together with all the sisters, they shared vital knowledge and reminders of their deen (religion).

After the halaqa, Susan was sitting in the corner on the oriental carpet in the women prayer hall of the masjid. Yousef was running around with Ejaz, his friend who was of same age. Ramlah sat on the floor beside Susan and looked at her with concern, "Is everything alright?"

Breaking off from her reverie, Susan smiled politely at Ramlah. A friend she had made over the months since she started visiting masjid. Ramlah was very kind natured, she had helped Susan a lot in understanding the basic principles of Islam. Amal was busy with her new marriage and Susan too felt wrong to disturb her. However, coming to the masjid was the opportunity to meet new sisters. And indeed in Ramlah, Susan had found a dear friend.

Susan was about to nod instead shook her head. How long could she keep her secrets hidden? She needed advice badly. "I have been living in a turmoil last few weeks."

"Do istekhara then," Ramlah said without even taking a second to ponder on it.

Susan tilted her head and looked at her friend, "I did but ... I am just scared I guess."

"As a Muslim have tawaqul Allah (faith in Allah). Everything that happens is for our best," Ramlah reasoned.

"You are right..." Susan watched as Yousef was playing with Ejaz at the other end of the prayer hall. "Yousef's father proposed to me."

A pleasing smile touched Ramlah's face, "That's great news."

Susan loved that Ramlah never probed Susan with unnecessary questions like many did. She was very apprehensive about discussing her past and especially about Daud. "I don't know what to do."

"I understand you. I have gone through the same situation."

Skeptically, Susan glanced at Ramlah.

Ramlah smiled in response, "Fadil is my second husband. I was married to his older brother."

Susan's eyes widened.

"He died in a car accident when I was pregnant with Ejaz. After my iddah, Fadil stepped up to marry me. I was just as confused and scared as you, now look Alhumdulilah we are a happy family." Ramlah's face lit up as she spoke of her husband.

"You are right, Ramlah. It's about time I make the decision." Susan mused.

****

Days passed by and Nawal's recovery was much speedier than the first week. It had been nearly three weeks since she had come out of coma. Day by day there had been steady progress. Now she was able to use her limbs in flawless efficiency and coordination. For the last two days, she had been walking on her own. The physiotherapist was very happy and had given the green signal. She was being released from the hospital.

Although, she still didn't remember the day of the accident. She did recall that she was living at Faraz's home until the day the baby was supposed to come. But that was about it. The doctors reassured her that it was normal not to remember how the accident happened. Her long term and short term memory had come back with time. She had miraculously recovered mentally and physically.

It was the day that she was being discharged from the hospital. She had a myriad of emotions. Excitement to be with her daughter, nervousness knowing she had no clue how to be a mother and eagerness to lead a normal life once again.

During the drive back home, Nawal was agitated, her fingers fidgeted with her hijab. Salman's eyes flickered to her hands when he stopped the car at the traffic light. His fingers interlaced with hers and he gently clasped her hand. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. His warmth radiating from his fingers eased her tremor nerves.

They drove in silence. Her heartbeat sped as they neared home. Tears filled her eyes as Salman parked the car in the front yard. How long had it been since she wasn't home? Her husband's home that she had been reluctant to accept had become her home and her sanctuary. Living at the hospital was like being imprisoned.

Salman pulled up the handbrake and then hastily jumped out of the car and round it to Nawal's side, opening the door, he helped her out. She rose to her feet, her eyes lingering at the house and their appeared Seema at the threshold holding their baby girl Rania in her arms.

Still holding hands, Salman gently tugged her to the main door where Seema was awaiting them. Salman took Rania in his arms, as Seema engulfed Nawal in her arms, "Welcome home beti." Her eyes sparkling with tears.

The familiar maternal embrace of Seema soothed Nawal's heart. Seema pulled back and then kissed Nawal's forehead. "This house was barren without you Nawal. You are the source of energy and life in this house. I pray that Allah blesses you with health and long life that you would always illuminate this house. Ameen."

"Will you do all the talking outside Seemi or let the poor girl come inside the house," Muhammad called outstanding in the hall.

Astonished, Nawal entered the house. She lowered her head in respect and Muhammad then touched Nawal's head, "Jeeti raho (Bless you)."

This was the first time ever Nawal remembered her father in law had given his blessing. This was a new change. She moved to the living room and was more surprised to find her parents, brothers and their wives were sitting alongside Dada jaan.

One by one she greeted everyone. When she stood in front of her mother, she expected the same callous and cold greeting but instead, her mother enveloped her in a warm hug. At first, Nawal stiffened but soon gave in and hugged Ghazala back.

It was a family celebration to have their beloved daughter and daughter in law back at home. Both families together celebrated her recovery. For the first time, among all those that were closest to her, she felt loved. Immensely loved.

****

Salman was not too far away throughout the evening. Every few minutes, he would ask if she needed to rest. And during dinner, he sat beside her and fussed over how little she was eating. By the time, dinner concluded, Nawal was exhausted. She leaned back against the luxurious fabric plum sofa as conversation swirled around her.

"Oh no! Definitely don't buy those processed baby food. Instead, make your own," Samreen advised.

"Give me some recipes Bhabi," Fiza asked.

"Look up at babycentre.com they have some very good recipes. It's simple to make different puree for babies." Samreen expertly explained.

Where on one side of the room the young women spoke of the baby weaning process, the older women spoke of a much dire subject.

"Seema I was thinking maybe Nawal comes with me for a few days at home. I will look after her," It had taken a great effort for Ghazala to express her worry out loud.

Seema hastily shook her head, "Oh no Baji. I will look after her. You don't need to worry. Salman said he isn't going to work for another week. He will be working from home most of the time for a couple of weeks until we are reassured that Nawal is fully recovered. So both of us will look after her."

"But still..." Ghazala was quiet and then gave in, "Alright then. I will be visiting regularly then."

The conversation around her slowly faded, Nawal closed her eyes stoically. The mere act of being part of a family dinner was debilitating. She was about to doze off sitting on the sofa, when Salman whispered in her ear, "C'mon I will put you to bed."

She jolted in alarm and then with great effort lifted her eyelids. It was best to bid everyone goodnight.

"Do you want me to carry you to the bedroom?" Salman eyes twinkled with mischief.

Sleep immediately dissipated. "No of course not. What will everyone think?"

"That my wife is too sleepy to walk."

"I can walk." she pushed herself to her feet. She swayed a bit. He slipped an arm around her lower back to steady her. After saying farewell to the family, hand in hand they walked out of the living room.

After all this time of waiting, finally, she would be in their room. Months of loneliness would replace the familial harmony. But her happy thoughts faded as they crossed the stairs and instead Salman was leading her back to the guest room that was her bedroom throughout the pregnancy.

He turned on the lights and in the room was a baby crib and many other baby items including a nappy changing table and rocking chair. Nawal smiled a little, seeing the white baby cot with pink bedding.

"Rania sleeps here?" she asked.

"Ya she does," Salman nodded.

Nawal plopped down on the bed. She eyed the room. It was the same except for Rania's belongings. Her heart plummeted, he never forgave her. Even now he was insistent on separating her and Rania from him. It pained immeasurably. Far more than any physical injury could. She had rightly doubted him. He wasn't sincere in his actions.

"Do you want me to help you change?" Salman asked as he rummaged her wardrobe, pulling out a cotton pajamas and t-shirt.

"No, I think I can manage."

He handed her the clothes. She slowly stood up, "I will change in the bathroom." Right now, she didn't want to be near him. How could he be so deceiving? Was it all an act to be caring?

Salman frowned, "Alright, I am here waiting for you. If you need help just ask ok?"

She made her way to the toilet. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, her eyes brimmed with tears. Her hands curled into fists. But she wasn't going to cry anymore. She had to be strong for herself and her daughter. She would openly speak to him in the morning when she was much more rationale.

With great care, she changed her clothes. When she stepped back in the room, Salman was putting the sleeping Rania in the cot. Seeing her, he smiled, "Well done."

She didn't bother to smile back. She ambled to the bed, then slipped under the duvet. She closed her eyes lest any tears escape.

Salman eyebrows drew together. He perched on the bed beside her, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled. Eyes still closed.

Depicting that she was tired, he straightened to his full six feet height, "Call me up if you want anything okay? I am going to the living room to bid them farewell."

She pursed her lips and nodded. Flicking the lights off, quietly he left the room.

Her eyes opened in the darkness. She was alone once again.

Perhaps, happiness was not meant for her after all.

****

In the middle of the night, a whimper of the baby echoed in the dark room. The whimpers grew to a loud cry. Nawal forced her eyes to open. Baffled, it took a few seconds for her to realize where she was. Back at home. And the baby cry? She opened her eyes widely, it was Rania. She pushed the duvet aside and sat up but a warm hand touched her arm, "I got her, go back to sleep."