Nawal's nerves were on edge all day long. Standing in front of the mirror, her hand trembled as she applied the black eyeliner. She stilled her hand and took a deep breath. Closing one eye, she reapplied the eyeliner. She then blinked and critically gazed at herself in the mirror.

After breakfast, Salman had asked her to dress up nicely. Now after hours of choosing the right outfit, she was applying the last bit of make-up. She had carefully taken her time to get ready. The last time she had dressed for him had turned into a disaster. She had no hopes this time but she did it anyways.

Dressed in a pale blue maxi dress that had crochet lace on the neckline and her waist. The hem of the dress was fluttering around back of her feet. It had a slight flare, giving it a more feminine look. She had topped it up with a caramel leather jacket with rolled up sleeves showing off the dark blue floral print. She also wore a light and dark blue animal print hijab. She had put on bare minimum accessories with a delicate gold bracelet and black leather square dial watch.

She had applied foundation and concealer to cover the dark circles that were still evident after her illness. Her dusty rose pink lip gloss painted lips twitched downwards, she wasn't pleased with herself. Huffing, she brushed the last minute rouge on her cheeks. This would have to do for now.

She whirled around ready to leave the room when the sight in front of her took her breath away. Salman was immaculately attired for the evening in a navy blue blazer that accentuated his broad shoulders and muscular arms. The light blue shirt was a direct contrast to his olive complexion. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone giving a teasing glimpse of his well-built pectoral muscles. He was in white casual pants and tanned shoes. More than his clothing that captivated her were his dark looks, those gleaming eyes, and black wavy hair. There were many times during the past one and a half year of their marriage, Nawal had admired Salman's good looks. But today, for the first time she questioned herself why hadn't she ever closely looked at him. With time, she realized he wasn't just a good looking man, he was beyond that. A man who fiercely protected his family and a man who had stepped up for her when she needed him the most.

"Are you --?" Salman glanced at her. His words were lost as his gaze swept from her head to her toe. She blushed under his heated gaze.

"Beautiful," he whispered loud enough for Nawal to hear. Her face coloured further. She took the steps closer to him. His heady scent and his nearness raising her pulse. Tilting her head upwards to him, she whispered back, "Not as much as you."

He raised his eyebrows in astonishment, "Is that so? I never thought my wife found me beautiful."

She chuckled unable to keep her hands off him, she brushed the non-existent lint from the lapel of his blazer, "I guess I need to be more expressive."

With his forefinger under her chin, he raised her face to his, "I will do the same. I rather say what I am thinking about to you than not saying it at all. Life is too short and I want to share every moment with you."

The Salman she knew never had spoken like this. Her near death experience had shaken him completely breaking through his pride. She was slowly understanding this enigmatic man. He was like a rainbow of many shades. And she liked these new shades. They were attractive pulling her closer to him.

Holding her gaze, he asked softly, "Now I have a request. Just for tonight, if we leave Rania with Ammi? I want this evening only for the two of us."

Concerned and apprehensiveness marred her face. She hesitated. He hurriedly reassured her, "We won't be gone for long."

She eventually relented, "Alright."

He smirked, "You won't be disappointed." He wrapped his arm around her lower waist and affectionately pressed her hip.

Taking her hand in his was just the start of the promising evening ahead.

****

In the early evening, the sun was shining through the car windows as Salman drove through the heavy traffic of Dublin. It was the rush hour when people ended their day's work and retired for their homes. As Salman concentrated on driving through the traffic, Nawal accompanied him in silence. Minutes passed by but they drove on. They were heading towards the north of the city. There were very few Arabic restaurants. And none, as she remembered, were located in the north.

What was going on? They were driving further and further away from the city.

She peeked at Salman from under her hijab but he was focusing on driving. When few minutes passed by, she finally asked, "Umm... Salman where exactly are we going?" Salman glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and smiled at her genuine confusion, "You will see. Just a few more minutes."

"I thought you said let's be more expressive." She crossed her arms over her chest in irritation.

"Patience, love. Okay, why don't we play a game?" His eyes were glued ahead as he drove and his lips spread to a smirk.

"Game?" her eyebrows furrowed deeply.

"The capitals of the world game," he said mischievously.

Nawal shook her head robustly, "Oh no, no no no!" she exclaimed.

He chortled in reply, "C'mon are you still a sore loser?"

She narrowed her eyes, "It was so unfair how Khalu used to play."

He pushed his shoulders back and puffed out his chest, "Well, I am smart." He said smugly.

Nawal hotly retorted, "No way, that's just because you were older."

He grinned, he could see the sparks of the old Nawal. He missed that about her. It was one of her first traits that had entranced him.

He enthusiastically said, "Then let's play now."

When they were children their families would go on different holiday destinations in Ireland. On long road trips, Nawal used to join Salman and his family in the car. As Muhammad drove through the journey, he would play different word games with Salman, Manal and Nawal to entertain them. Seema would also take part and would be great fun. Although, since Salman was older than the girls many times he would win the games. One of the games they played was naming the different capital cities of various countries around the world.

"Alright, I go first. Serbia?" Nawal rushed to ask.

He slowly shook his head, his eyes still on the road, "You are going to give me a tough time. Now let me think."

She giggled, "Serves you right for all the losses Manal and I had to face because of you."

"I guess ... okay, let me think."

"I am waiting."

"I knew it...Belgrade am I right?"

Her mouth gaped and then she clamped it shut, "Yes." She muttered.

"Oh C'mon you should be happy you have a smart husband. Now my turn. Tunisia?"

"Oh, that's easy Tunis."

"Very good indeed. Ok, how about, Venezuela?"

"Caracas."

"I am impressed...okay...hmmm... Bhutan?"

"Thimpu."

"Wow, Nawal. Even I didn't know of that one. How come you know all this?" He remarked astonishingly.

Gazing at him, she explained, "After being defeated by you constantly I had started learning them. But at the time it was our next holiday trip plan you weren't there as you were busy in secondary school then." She shrugged nonchalantly, "Never got a chance until now."

He parked the car in front of the restaurant, "Well it's been more than a decade and you still remember. That is a big accomplishment. I can proudly say I have a smart wife. Now how about we proceed to our dinner?" he turned towards her as he switched off the engine.

She blinked several times and looked around from the different car windows. They were here already. How easily had time passed by in his company?

As she stepped out of the car, she gazed at the elegant restaurant by the sea. This was no Arabic restaurant. "Where are we?"

"There was a change in plan. I decided it should be something special. A date by the sea." He extended his hand to her.

She timidly laid her hand on his,

"Shall we, my love?" he said earnestly.

She gazed into his eyes, her heart beat rose. His eyes spoke far more than the endearment he had just said.

"Yes."

****

The magnificence of the restaurant interior was enthralling. The restaurant had glass walls. The ceiling high windows had a fascinating view of the Irish Sea. The oak wood tables were set with Waterford crystal goblets, starchy white napkins, and sparkling Newbridge silverware. The chairs were upholstered in green and brown striped fabric. The orange glow of the sunset was touching everywhere. Sunlight as pixie dust illuminated every object that it touched. The scene was like a painting out of the canvas. It took her breath away. She stood rooted few feet away from the table where the waiter was waiting for them to take their seats. Their table was next to the window that was viewing at the open sea. Unlike other tables, theirs was specially decorated. It was adorned with a crystal vase of palest of pink roses and there were small intricate design metal candle holders.

Salman draped his arm around her waist and whispered in her ear, "Do you like it?"

She tore her eyes from the table and her eyes met his. She nodded, her lips stretching to a smile that reached to her eyes. She was speechless. And perhaps words were not needed as he could read her eyes easily.

"Only for you," his lips teasing her hijab.

They walked to the table and Salman pulled back the chair for Nawal. She slipped on it and giddily looked out the window. Waves were crashing against the sandy shore. Seagulls were seen flying low near the waters. The dark sea water was swaying in the breeze.

Salman sat opposite to her. The waiter presented them with the menus and then he lit the candles on the table. Amidst the flowers and the candle light, she gazed at her husband for many minutes. He was oblivious to her stare as he perused the menu. She whispered her heart out, "I never knew you could be romantic."

He looked up and then said honestly, "We never gave our marriage a chance. I was too consumed with anger to care about anything else. I want to do it right now. How it should have been."

Her arms rested on the table, she leaned forward, "I regretted it the most. If only I had seen things in a different light. I was just too stubborn."

On the table, he covered her hand with his, "We were both too stubborn. That is why we are perfect for each other."

"Two stubborn heads together can lead to the disaster you know."

"I will forego my stubbornness for you Nawal. All that matters is that you are happy and well."

Her heartbeat accelerated. Her eyelashes fanned her cheeks, and a blush crept up her neck to her face. She was at a loss for words.

"Are you happy, Nawal?" he asked his eyes searching her face.

She lifted her eyelids and gazed at him, "during the pregnancy I had lost all hope for happiness. After the coma, the inability to be myself had made me fearful of the future. But now I am learning. Learning to believe in myself again and be happy. You know why?"

"Why?" his thumb was rubbing the back of her hand.

Her fingers curled against his tightly, "Because of you. You are teaching me. It would have never been possible otherwise."

Her eyes moistened.

He smiled, not breaking the eye contact, he revealed the deepest secret, "You know Nawal we were very young when I started liking you. Your innocence, your naughty attitude and just you, made me fall in love with each passing day. That whenever I thought of a person by my side. It was only you. When the time did come to make you mine, I didn't put in the effort I should have. And I will regret that for the rest of our lives."

Love? How long had he felt this way? He had mentioned once about his feelings but did that mean he still had such strong feelings for her. She tilted her head, "You had harboured such feelings but how come I never knew? You never even gave a hint."

"Well if you remember we would never really talk."

"More like bickering." She scrunched her nose.

He chuckled, "Yes. I had fun then... annoying you."

She giggled, "Yes I used to be so irritated." Then she whispered, "Do you still love me after all that we have gone through in the past year?"

He lifted her hand and brought it to his lips, "The fact you are asking me this shows I am not doing a good enough job in convincing you of my feelings. Some feelings are too deep to be expressed in mere words. Maybe it will take a lifetime to convince you of my feelings."

She grinned, "Then I look forward to the years ahead inshaa Allah."

"I love you Nawal. The love for you has always been there as long as I can remember. I may not have known how to express nor show through my actions. But this man will do everything in his power to protect you and cherish you. I have made mistakes and I pray someday you can forgive me and just remember how much you mean to me."

She pursed her lips, her throat constricted. She had always thought Salman didn't have strong feelings for her. How wrong she was? He had far deeper feelings than she could imagine. It was she who made the mistake of never reading them.

"I have forgiven you long back. Please don't ask me for forgiveness when I haven't been the best wife. I committed a grave mistake myself." She confessed in shame.

"Don't!" he shook his head, "From this day forward Nawal we will never bring the past again. Let us move on and think of our future together."

She nodded.

He glanced at the waiter who was making his way to the table, "What would you like to eat? Let's enjoy this evening now."

She smiled, "I would like that."

And that's precisely what they did.

****

In their bedroom, Nawal gently rocked Rania to sleep. They had come back from their dinner hours ago. Salman had some urgent work to do so he was busy in his study. She had spent her time with Rania. Changing her, feeding her and even playing with her. Although, her mind kept going back to Salman and his words. It had been the most romantic evening of her life. She had immensely enjoyed especially during the dinner as they remembered many other antics of their childhood. They had shared great laughs. She gazed at her daughter's face and smiled to herself. This was the perks of marrying your own cousin. Not only there were memories made after the wedding but even before it.

Rania was peacefully asleep in Nawal's arms now. Gathering her close to her bosom, Nawal stood up and walked up to the crib. She gently placed the baby in the cot and covered her with the pink blanket. For many minutes, she stared at the baby. Clutching the wooden railing of the cot, she perched on the bed. Her eyes still on Rania. She was now growing fast at nearly three months. But the guilt within Nawal was not diminishing at all.

There were days she was fiercely protective of her baby. She didn't even like Salman helping her out. She felt she had lost too much time and wasn't there during the first crucial moments of Rania's life. She didn't know what it was like to give birth naturally nor did she know the first cry of the baby or how she looked as soon as she was born. Most of all, the biggest regret was that not even once she was able to breastfeed Rania.

Being in the coma for so long had eventually stopped her milk supply. Her heart clenched tightly knowing how vital breastmilk was for the baby and because of her health condition, she was never able to give her baby what was her right. She felt she was a failed mother. A flawed mother.

"Nawal?"

She glanced up to see Salman was standing beside her. His eyes were drawn together and gazing at her face, his frown deepened.

He slowly sat on the bed, "What is the matter?"

That is when she realized she was crying. Her trembling hand touched her wet cheek. She hurriedly wiped her face with the back of her hand, "N..n...nothing."

"Nawal tell me."

She shook her head, looking at the sleeping baby.

He held her shoulder and turned her so she was forced to look at him, "Please Nawal no more secrets."

Her head lowered and her shoulders shuddered. More tears escaped her eyes.

"Nawal, you are scaring me. Are you in pain? Did someone say something?"

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She took a deep breath and then said, "I am not a good mother."

"Says who?"

She finally met his gaze, "I didn't fulfill my duty as a mother."

He scowled, "What does that mean?"

She pulled her hair back from her forehead, "I don't remember her birth. I wasn't there for first few weeks with her." she sniffed, "I didn't even breastfeed her." she sobbed.

His hands cradled her face, with his thumbs he wiped her tear streaked cheeks, "I think you are the best mother I have ever seen. You know why?"

She pressed her lips together and snivelled.

"Since the start of Rania's life, you have been her protector. The world was against you but you fiercely fought for Rania. When everyone abandoned you including me, you stood firm for her. Allah had given her life but it is you Nawal who made sure she stay healthy. Even when you went through so much you took care of her. You faced it alone. All hardships you took on yourself one by one. Not all women could go through what you did. You are a strong woman and more importantly an example of a great mother."

Her eyes filled with tears. Never had she thought Salman would think so highly of her? She blinked back her tears but to no avail. The tears dribbled down her cheeks. A sob broke through her lips but this time it was due to gratitude. She leaned against him, her head on his chest and her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his heady scent and listened to the erratic beat of his heart.

She had despised him as a teen girl.

She had fought with him day and night.

She had cheated on him.

But today, she knew one thing alone.

She loved him.

She loved her Salman with all her heart and being.

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