Everyone has a weakness. Find it and use it to your advantage.

Here's How, with examples:

Pay attention to unconscious behavior or gestures. Often people will act naturally if they think no one's paying attention. They will often share something vulnerable, if you "share" with them first.

Example: When your parents are talking to you, and one of them is talking, look at the other one not talking to get a real sense of what the conversation is about.

Find the helpless child. Look for instances when someone acts child-like, which indicates needs that went unmet as a child.

Example: When your friend is always trying to be the center of attention. Perhaps he or she was missing that attention as a child.

Look for contrasts, or ways people overcompensate. Those reveal insecurities.

Example: Toxic masculinity.

Find the weak link. Find the person who has influence over your target, to control them indirectly.

Example: To win over a girl, you may need to win approval from her friends.

Fill the void. Provide the thing that insecure people are looking for to make them need you.

Example: Perhaps you want a smart study buddy. You can find one who is looking for a friend or someone to validate how smart they are. (I definitely have fallen victim to this before.)

Look for the source of uncontrollable emotions, and use that to control your mark.

Example: Ever seen anyone get controlled by jealousy?

Life 1:

Early in my career, I had a great mentor. Incidentally, we met over smoke breaks. He loved to tell crazy stories from his work experience, and I soaked them up. Later he gave me great advice when I had tough situations at work. He would coach me on how I needed to approach certain people to get what I wanted. Sometimes he even pulled strings for me. It made a big impact on my career and made me a bolder person.

How did I get so lucky? I realize now that mentorships are not as one-sided as they may seem. For the mentor, the mentee provides honor and respect. Someone who will listen to their stories and validate them. The mentor can see how their expertise can help someone succeed, and know that they've gotten the formula right. In other words, as the mentee, you fill a void for the mentor.

Life 2:

A decade later, I got a phone call from a woman who was looking for him. It was not his wife, who I had met before. She got my name from social media of all places in a desperate attempt to find him. Over 48 hours, she called me 10 times and gradually told me her story. I sensed she had no one to talk to about it.

From our conversation, I was able to construct parts of his life I never knew. During the week, he stayed with his mistress and went home to his wife on the weekends. He told them both he had to split his time between two cities for work. He followed the same schedule for years, and neither side knew about it. She said that one time her son was sick, and my mentor showed up too quickly, when he was supposed to be out of town. She thought he was divorced. I found out he owed her a lot of money. But I knew he had bought a house that year with his wife. And they were very much still together.

His mistress hadn't heard from him since Friday and was very worried. So finally, she decided to call his work. She called me right after, frantically wailing into the phone. I could barely understand her between sobs, but finally made out what she was saying. My mentor passed away over the weekend. His family called his workplace to report it earlier that day.

At that point, I told his mistress everything that I knew as she cried into the phone. I knew she loved him and wanted to attend the funeral. I warned her to be cautious around his family because she hadn't been given the full truth.

He'd always done right by me, and my memories still honor him. But my mentor had a thumbscrew, and it led to infidelity. It goes to show you never really know who someone is, without knowing their weaknesses.