My critiques mean no offense to the story nor author. These are solely intended for the betterment of your work, it does not mean to hurt nor belittle you in any way. If you have concerns regarding this critique, do message me privately. Everything stated here came from my own opinion and perspective which may or may not differ from others.

xkinglessqueenx

The title is already catchy enough itself, thus it piqued my interest, as a reader and critic. I also get why the title is like that, because the words you chose revolves around the story itself, which is a wise thing to do, kudos to that! Though I think the periods in each word is not necessary. You can convert those into commas (like Live, Die, Repeat) or maybe change the whole title, and think of a much more accurate one that'll represent the live, die, and repeat. Because somehow, I think the title itself spoiled a bit of what the readers would expect from the story, leaving less intrigue.

▪ I have no problems regarding the cover. It's beautiful on how the choice of fonts perfectly match the story's background, how the blending is great, and how the cover brings a magical aura by looking at it.

▪ Be consistent on your tenses, simply choose one if possible. Because by using all of it to construct sentences would cause confusion to readers.

▪ The blue oblongs represent the future tense, while the yellow indicates the present tense, and the green shows the past tense. Choose one tense only in constructing your sentences. Did the description you provided already happened, is happening, or will be happening in the story? Moving on, the red oblongs represent a grammatical error. Please consider changing or revising your description - provide less informations that may spoil readers about the story, and connect the sentences smoothly. Meanwhile, the numbers beside each paragraphs are I think, the proper order of your overall description. Because if you will put the "Meet Idris Hutton," or the main base of the description on the end (somehow), parang ang dating ay medyo magulo. Ang mga parapo na nasa gitna ng nos. 2 & 3, puwedeng alisin mo na lang o 'di kaya'y i-revise ito, kasi medyo redundant at same point lang naman ang pinapahayag mo roon.

▪ Telling that Idris is in this place, is not enough for readers to grasp the worldbuilding of the story. Do more than that. Show the readers where Idris is by using the five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste & touch). Mga stalls lang ba ang nakikita ni Idris? Gaano karami ang tao sa venue na 'yon? Kapuwa estudyante lang ba ang naroon o pati mga outsiders? Kumusta ang klima? Mainit ba, makulimlim, o sakto lang? Anong nararamdaman ni Idris? Naiinitan ba siya dahil sa suot niya? Nilalamig? O naiirita dahil sa dami ng tao sa mga stalls? Ano ang kaniyang naaamoy? Amoy pagkain ba o amoy pawis? Iparamdam mo na buháy talaga ang kuwento sa pamamagitan ng imagery, hindi puwedeng basta mo lang sabihin na nasa ganito siya, nasa ganoon. Don't limit yourself, go beyond it. Kasi noong binanggit ni Idris na nasa stalls na siya, sobrang labo, at unrealistic. Try to put yourself in the situation she's in. Because obviously, hindi lang naman mga booth stands ang makikita mo kapag nasa isang lugar ka 'di ba? Hindi ba papansinin mo ang dami ng tao, mararamdaman mo 'yong inis dahil crowded at mainit? 'Wag nating lilimitahan ang kakayahan nating ipakita ang lugar na pinangyayarihan ng kuwento dahil importante ito sa isang akda. At isa pa, puwedeng isipin ng mga mambabasa na masydo mong minadali ang chapter kung kaya't nakulangan sa oras na i-describe pa ang mga lugar, at na parang hindi kapani-paniwalang booths lang ang nakikita ni Idris, na isang tao.

▪ Next, the tone and mood. On the scene where Idris almost got hit of the truck, how scared exactly is she? We can't just simply be simple in showing the tone & mood, be moderate at least. Show Idris' mood every single time so that readers can feel that her character is actually alive. When she realized that she has been reliving the same day over and over again, what was her mood? It kinda feels unrealistic that she wasn't shocked and didn't lose her sanity. I mean, hindi biro ang dinaranas niya, pero bakit parang okay lang sa kaniya at ang bilis niyang makapag-adjust sa sitwasyong kinalalagyan niya? Also, put more commentaries on her pov, because it'll help you push the emotions needed.

▪ A simple girl living her college life together with her best friend, Naya. She's that type of girl that can be reckless yet responsible at the same time. But the visible personality of hers is quite confusing as I read the chapters 'til chapter ten. At first, she seems like a nice girl that simply does her best to have a great life. But then as the story goes on, somehow her personality changes, she becomes bold and daring, then it suddenly repeats. Which is which, actually? What type of character would you like Idris to posses? Because if you keep on switching her characteristics like that, she'll turn out to be vague and pretty difficult to understand her. If ever you plan to do change her personality from being nice to reckless, then please do it smoothly and thoroughly. Huwag iyong basta-basta lang. Moving on, give her more emotions. She's not a robot, she's a human. Give her the emotions she needs, don't take it away from her. If she's feeling like she's losing her sanity because of the chaotic events happening to her, then show us what she's being through, and how can she overcome it. If she's surprised that the day keeps on repeating every time she wakes up, show us how she feels. And when she discovered that every at the end of the day she'll die, show us what is going on in her head, what are her thoughts, and what exactly does she feel - scared? Stressed? Angry?

▪ Also, kung may something sa kanila ni Owen na may kinalaman sa nakaraan nilang dalawa, bakit parang normal lang ang trato nila sa isa't isa? Binanggit mo noon na hindi pinapansin ni Idris si Owen at vice versa nang malaman niyang same university sila ng pinapasukan - which is the present - pero sa chapter one, bakit parang hindi naman? Nag-contrast ang sinabi ni Idris at sa nasaksihan ko, na talagang nakakalito. Hindi siya pinapansin ni Owen, at siya rin, pero bakit parang normal lang naman ang namamagitan sa kanila? Parang nabalewala iyong sinabi ni Idris na iniiwasan nila ang isa't isa.

▪ On the first chapter, I have seen Naya as a friend that loves to make fun or tease Idris. On the next one where Idris explained to her what's she's going through, she seemed like a gentle and caring type of a friend. But then on the next one, where she and Idris went to her crush's birthday party, she seemed like a wild and careless friend. Again, which is which, actually? Sa buong chapters one to ten, parang iba-iba ang ipinapakita mong ugali ni Naya. Please, be clear and precise on what is her real personality. Because if her personality changes in every situation she's in, then readers may misunderstood her character. Be careful on shifting your character's personality, do it slowly yet surely. Also, Idris keeps on saying that Naya is her bestest friend, that she is a true friend she can count on, but then where's the evidence of it? For me, I think it'd be better if you would just show on how Naya can be realiable, rather than telling us what type of best friend she is. Yes, somehow you did provide scenes that proves that Naya is a reliable friend. But, provide scenes that will actually make her a reliable best friend, not just a friend.

▪ Again, identify his personality as a man. What type of guy is he? The nice joking one, or the shy one? Because within the chapters ('til ten), both personalities were roughly shown. At first, he looks like the type of guy that's funny and nice. The type that would always tease someone or make fun of them. But then later on, the type that's shy or timid is shown. If Owen really does possess two personalities, then it's fine as long as the shifting of it are smooth, and not awkward to when reading. Also, one way to convince readers that this is his personality and that, is by showing them. So, rather than telling that Owen is boastful, show the readers.

Structure

▪ At this point, it still needs improvement. Improve your worldbuilding, author. Make it more vivid and full of impact to the readers instead of just saying that she's here and there. Next, level up with your character's emotions because emotions are vital to make the characters more lively. Always show what is Idris or the other characters are feeling, give commentaries and/or thoughts.

Conflict

▪ The fact that Idris is living the same day over and over again is really interesting. Even though I only finished the first ten chapters, I must say, I could already feel the conflict uprising. The thought that Idris doesn't know why she has been chosen to experience such terrible thing, and the thought that she doesn't know on how to uplift the somehow curse she's experiencing. But, of course, that is only a thought. Why do I mean by that? It's like, nasa isip ko lang na ayan ang problemang kakaharapin niya, na kumbaga, parang predictable 'yong suliranin ng kuwento pero hindi gaanong ramdam iyong pagkaka-conflict niya. Ano ang kailangan nating i-improve? Ang pagpaparamdam sa mga mambabasa na iyon talaga ang suliranin ng kuwento. Hindi puwedeng basta lang maisip, dapat maramdaman din ng iba ang laki ng problemang kinakaharap ni Idris. Paano natin magagawa iyon? Magagawa mo ito sa pamamagitan ng paglalahad pa ng mga nararamdaman ng bida ukol sa kaniyang kinakaharap. Na para bang sobrang hirap naman ng sitwasyon niya na parang imposibleng mahanapan ng solusyon. Provide the climax, the thrill.

Sequencing

▪ The opening is bland. It's way too common and overused by many here in Wattpad. Do more than that, enhance your creativity. If you want to hook the readers interest, provide the best of the best opening that will leave a huge impact on them, that will make them read the story more until the very end. Moving on the middle part, parang nakakasawa na paulit-ulit 'yong scene - well, alam kong 'yon naman talaga ang dapat dahil nga nagre-relive si Idris sa araw na 'yon - but still, parang ang bland. Siguro, mas mainam kung gagawin nating kakaiba 'yong scene na kung saan gigisingin ni Naya si Idris, pupunta sila sa booth, susulpot si Owen, mag-aayos ng booth. Kahit 'yang mga parts lang na 'yan ang baguhin. Widen your imagination, and be creative.

Genre Accuracy

▪ At first, it feels like the story would fit more in fantasy rather than in sci-fi. Because sci-fi usually revolves around, well, science, technology, futuristic times, time travel et cetera. And what Idris is experiencing, the time loop, somehow doesn't connect to the genre you registered in. Pero bumawi ka naman sa mga huling kabanata (8-10 yata). Na-justify naman na may pagka-sci-fi ang story dahil pumasok iyong time travel machine ng scientist. Just provide foreshadowings, author. Enlighten your readers on the first parts that the genre really does revolve around science fiction, and not fantasy. Because your story may be misjudged of being a fantasy one because of its title, book cover, description, and the first chapters that doesn't seem connected to your chosen genre.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "rin, raw, rito, riyan" at "din, daw, dito, diyan"

▪ Ginagamit ang "rin, raw, rito, riyan" kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa patinig (a, e, i, o, u). Ginagamit din ito kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa mga katinig na "w, y," dahil katunog lamang nito ang mga patinig.

Halimbawa:

❌ - Hindi ko mapigilan na mainis rito.

✔ - Hindi ko mapigilan na maini

▪ Habang ang "din, daw, dito, diyan" ay ginagamit kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa mga katinig (b, c, d, f...). Ito rin ay ginagamit kapag ang huling dalawang letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa "ra, re, ri, ro, ru".

Halimbawa:

❌ - Wag lang mag-alala, masaya doon.

✔ - 'Wag kang mag-alala, masay.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "nang" at "ng".

▪ Ginagamit ang "nang" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na paano, gaano, at kapag inuulit ang kilos.

Halimbawa:

❌ - Napamulagat ako marinig ko ang boses ng kaibigan ko.

✔ - Napamulagat ako (noong) marinig ko ang boses ng kaibigan ko.

❌ - Nginitian ko lang siya pagkatamis-tamis.

✔ - Nginitian ko lang siya pagkatamis-tamis.

❌ - Napanguso na lang ako at hinampas siya mahina.

✔ - Napanguso na lang ako at hinampas siya mahina.

❌ - Napapikit ako mariin.

✔ - Napapikit ako mariin.

▪ Ginagamit naman ang "ng" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na ano at kapag nagsasaad ng pagmamay-ari.

Halimbawa:

❌ - May bahid nang panunukso ang kaniyang mukha.

✔ - May bahid ng panunukso ang kaniyang mukha.

>| Incorrect & correct usage of words.

❌ - yun/y'on/yo'n

✔ - iyon/'yon

❌ - yung/y'ung

✔ - 'yong

❌ - nandun, nung, nun

✔ - nandoon/nando'n, noong/no'ng, noon/no'n

❌ - nyo/niyo

✔ - ninyo/n'yo

❌ - ganun-ganun

✔ - ganoon-ganoon/gano'n-gano'n

❌ - sa'yo, sa'kin

✔ - sa 'yo, sa 'kin

❌ - Mahingan, kinwento

✔ - Mahingian, kinuwento

❌ - Nangingiwing (root word: ngiwi), nangingiting (root word: ngiti)

✔ - Nakangiwing, nakangiting

❌ - meron

✔ - mayroon/mayro'n

❌ - pasekreto (root word: sikreto)

✔ - pasikreto

❌ - nagpresinta (root word: prisinta)

✔ - nagprisinta

❌ - isa't-isa, iba't-ibang

✔ - isa't isa, iba't ibang

❌ - 'diba

✔ - 'di ba

❌ - a'ta

✔ - yata

>| Misspelled Filipino Words and Phrases

1. Kadalasan o palagi ang may u sa pagitan ng k at w.

✅Kuwento, kuweba, kuwaderno, kuwago, engkuwentro

❌Kwento, kweba, kwaderno, kwago, engkwentro

Halimbawa:

a. Si Jacob at Jose ay nagkaroon ng engkuwentro; kamao sa kamao.

b. Ang mga mata ni Therese ay nagmistulang sa kuwago dahil siya'y kulang sa tulog.

2. Kadalasan o palagi ang may i sa pagitan ng "ns" at "y".

✅Probinsiya, konsensiya, ahensiya, pasensiya, ebidensiya

❌probinsya, konsensya, ahensya, pasensya, ebidensya

Halimbawa:

a. Si Jacob ay walang konsensiya kay Jose

.

b. "Huwag mong ubusin ang pasensiya ni Therese! Mumurahin ka niyan."

3. ✅Mapagpakumbaba

❌Mapagkumbaba

Halimbawa:

a. Si Maria ay isang mapagpakumbabang tao.

4. Kadalasan o palagi ang may i bago ang pandiwang nagsisimula sa katinig.

✅itinuturo, itinimbog, itinatampok, ipinagpapalagay

❌tinuturo, tinimbog, tinatampok, pinagpapalagay

a. "Itinuturo mo sa akin ang kasalananang ginawa mo, ganoon ka ba kakapal? " asik ni Therese.

b. "Alam mo ba? Itinatampok daw ni Mareng Jessica ngayon ang mga memes ni Reign."

5. ✅alaala, katakataka(halaman)

❌ala-ala, kataka-taka

a. Presko pa sa alaala ni Levi ang ginawa niyang pananampal sa kubrador ng utang.

b. Dahil dakilang plantita si Elise, nagtanim siya ng katakataka sa kaniyang bakuran.

6. ❌ano man, nino man, sino man, saan man, kailan man

✔anuman, ninuman, sinuman, saanman, kailanman

a. "Hindi ko makakalimutan ang ginawa mo kailanman! " puno nang emosyong saad ni Princess habang lumuluha.

b. Kung sino man ang tumututol sa kasalang ito ay maari nang lumayas.

7. ✅Natutuhan

❌natutunan

Halimbawa:

a. Hindi pa rin niya tuluyang natutuhan kung paano mahalin ang kaniyang sarili.

8. ✅Komento, konsensiya, koleksiyon, koneksiyon, kompanya

❌kumento, kunsensiya, kuleksiyon, kuneksiyon, kumpanya

9. Parehong "maya-maya" ang isda at pang-abay. Ginagamitan ng malaking titik ang isda kung gagamitin ito sa isang pangungusap, talata o sulatin kasama ng pang-abay na kapangalan nito. Maaari ding gamitan ito ng malaking titik (na siyang karaniwang paraan ng pagsusulat sa mga species ng isda) kahit hindi nito kasama ang pang-abay na maya-maya

✅Maya-maya, Maya-Maya (isda)

❌mayamaya, Mayamaya

a. Paboritong isda ni Haniel ang Maya-maya.

b. Maya-maya't lamang ay lalabas na ang panauhin ni Shannah.

10. Sinu-sino at Anu-ano ang tamang pagbaybay kapag nagtatanong. Sino-sino at Ano-ano naman kapag nagsasalaysay.

✅Sinu-sino ang mga miyembro ng Critic Team?

❌Sino-sino, Sino sino, Sinu sino

❌Kung sino-sino na ang nakatikim ng kaniyang putahe.

✔Sinu-sino, Sinu sino, sino sino

11. Sino + ang

✅"Sino'ng umubos ng tilapya ko?" tanong ni Aegir.

❌Sinong, Sinung

Sino + na = Sinong

✅Walang kahit na sinong traydor ang puwede sa grupong ito!

❌Sinung, Sino'ng

Ano + ang = Ano'ng

Ano + na = Anong

12. ✅Puwede

❌Pwede, Pwide, P'wede, Pupuwede, Pup'wede, Pipwede, Pipuwede

13.Hindi dapat pinaghihiwalay ang mga katinig kapag naglalagay ng gitlapi.

✅Plinano, Grinipo, Trinumpo, Brinaso, Trinato, Trinaydor

❌Pinlano, Ginripo, Tinrumpo, Binraso, Tinrato, Tinraydor

a. Plinano ni Austin ang lahat para mapabagsak si Ali.

14. Ang unlaping i- at gitlaping -in- aynpalagian o kadalasang magkasama. Walang unlaping ini- sa unahan ng mga katinig.

✅ihinahabilin, ilinilihim, ilinathala, ipinaliwanag, idinulog, iginuhit, iginiit, ikinababagabag

❌inihahabilin, inililihim, inilathala, inipaliwanag, inidulog, inigiit, inikababagabag