My critiques mean no offense to the story nor author. These are solely intended for the improvement of your work; thus, it does not mean to hurt you in any way. If you have concerns regarding this critique, message me privately. Everything stated here came from my own opinions and perspective, which may or may not differ from others.

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▪ The title already piqued my interest solely as a reader. The words used and their combination left a considerable impact on me that pushed me to read the story. Kudos to that! However, the title wasn't much justified when I read the story. The meaning behind it was provided, but the substantial impact it should deliver wasn't there. Kumbaga, parang hindi napangatawanan ng mismong kuwento iyong pamagat. Pero bukod doon, maganda ang pamagat at madaling maunawaan dahil mababaw lang ang mga salitang ginamit.

▪ The book cover somehow conveyed the scene in the convenience store, where Remedy and Wyze first met. But if I were to pretend to pass by the book cover without reading its content, the background doesn't somehow fit the definition of a convenience store. Moreover, the choice of fonts doesn't match the story's genre and the cover's vibes. Thus it's pretty unreadable too. Please consider changing your book cover. Make it more appealing, and be sure that the fonts and background match well together.

Providing too much information about the story will do you no good. The first two paragraphs you provided are already enough, to be honest. Kahit tanggalin o i-cut off natin 'yong mga natitirang paragraphs after no'ng dalawa, okay na kasi makaka-stand alone naman 'yon nang sila lang. So please consider cutting off those paragraphs and just have the first two ones to remain. Moving on, on the second paragraph--- the green-underlined sentence--- I highly suggest you revise it. Medyo rough kasi basahin, at may mga words na hindi dapat ginamit doon. Lastly, if your story does--- which has--- contains sensitive contents that may not be suitable for some readers, then make the story have mature content rather than putting this on your description:

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▪ Just because the story's a one-shot doesn't mean we don't have to pay any attention to the world-building, no. Refrain from telling that Remedy's here and there. Don't limit her five senses. Otherwise, it'll be unrealistic. Use the five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, & taste) in your world building. What does Remedy see in the convenience store? Were there many shelves? Is it filled with what? Were there many people there? What did she feel when she went in? Is the air-conditioning high or low? Did it send her chills? What does her cup noodles smell like? Is it spicy? How do the noodles taste on her tongue? The story's environment is vague, and it feels as if the only thing that Remedy herself sees are her house and the convenience store. Keep in mind, importante ang world-building sa pagsusulat ng kuwento. Sa ganitong paraan mo maipaparamdam sa mga mambabasa na buháy ang kuwento mo.

▪ The tone and mood of the story also lacked. The loneliness of Remedy before she encounters Wyze was not that convincing, especially on the part where she's in the kitchen, where tons of shattered glasses were scattered everywhere on the floor. The emotions weren't one-hundred percent there. Please give your characters life, give them tones, emotions, and moods. Always, always provide the feelings they deserve in every scene possible. Hindi sila robots, 'di ba? Tao sila, may pakiramdam at may nararamdaman. Instead of telling us how she feels in a specific location, show us. Let the readers analyze her character by showing them her mannerisms and acts. Let the readers themselves realize that this is what she feels and that.

Remedy

▪ She's somewhat vague for me. Please refrain from telling us what she feels. Instead, show it effectively and convincingly. Again, give her emotions that a human possesses. Because on the scene or part wherein, she saw Wyze attempting to kill himself, and the way she acted seems sort of unrealistic. I mean, wasn't she terrified to see the gun? Moreover, to see him pointing it at his self?

▪ The structure of the story is still relatively weak. I highly advise you to improve the other elements of the story equally. Balance the descriptions and the dialogues, always use the imagery, practice building your worldbuilding, focus, and don't skip on your conflicts and character improvements. Balance the two characters well.

▪ From what I understand, the conflict is about two characters who suffer from an illness or disorder. You did great on showing how Remedy and Wyze struggled to face their internal conflicts. Especially Remedy. The fact that she's living alone, having everything all herself already, shows that she suffers too much. Pero ang problema lang ay na-skip 'yong part sa kung paano ba talaga hinarap ni Remedy ang problema niya. Mas mainam siguro kung sa halip na sabihin mo na lumipas ang dalawang buwan okay na siya, ipakita mo kung paano hinarap ni Remedy 'yong suliraning kinakaharap niya. Kasi importante 'yon, author. Doon kasi makikita 'yong character development niya at ni Wyze, doon mas puwedeng ma-attach ang mga readers sa dalawang bida, doon din puwedeng makita ang aral na mapupulot ng mga mambabasa. Ipakita mo sa amin kung paano ba tinulungan ni Wyze si Remedy, kung paano nag-struggle si Remedy, at kung paano niya nakayanang ma-solve ang problema niya.

▪ The scene where her family sends her a voicemail was already a good start. However, the later parts weren't doing great. Like what I've said above, please consider showing us how Remedy faced her conflict and how Wyze influenced her to continue living. Because what I've noted on the Title part--- where the title isn't justified much--- was connected to this. The body of the title and moral of the story isn't there at all. It felt like I only understood the meaning behind the title because Remedy told me and not showed me how the title mirrored the story. At saka, parang hindi rin gaanong napatibay o napangatawanan 'yong relasyon ng dalawa sa isa't isa. Maipapakita mo ito kung ipapakita mo kung paano hinarap ni Remedy ang problema niya. By establishing this narrated scene, you can hit too many birds with one stone.

▪ I think that the story doesn't fit the "spiritual" genre. A spiritual genre usually focuses on religious acts, but the story doesn't show any of those. It instead focuses on how an individual can face her inner conflicts. Please consider changing the genre of the story. Make sure that the genre you'll choose will have relevance to the story itself.

☆ What is Remedy's illness?

▪ She only addressed her illness as an "illness," literally. At first, I thought she's suffering from depression, but then she was getting ready for surgery when I reached the end. I think it'd be great if you could at least inform us what her illness is.

☆ Remedy's been eating cup noodles for half a year now. Won't she be sick because of that?

▪ Noodles are one of the major causes of UTI. Maalat 'yon, at binanggit na kalahating taon na siyang nakain no'n. Hindi ba magkakasakit siya sa bato no'n kasi puro noodles lang siya? Or baka 'yon 'yong illness niya?

>| TAGS (DIALOGUE, ACTION, AND ADVERBIAL)

Dialogue Tags: What Are They and How To Use Them

A. What is a Dialogue Tag?

1. Also often referred to as an attribution, a dialogue tag is a small phrase either before, after, or in between the actual dialogue itself. It is used to inform the readers who's the speaker of the dialogue.

Example:

» "How is everybody doing?" asked Anne.

The phrase "asked Anne" is the dialogue tag in the sentence.

***

B. How To Use Dialogue Tags?

Dialogue tags are found in three different places: before, after, or in the middle of dialogue. Depending on where the dialogue tags are, you use other punctuations and capitalization.

1. Tag Before the Dialogue

a. When dialogue tags are before the dialogue, it looks any of these:

» Agatha asked, "Are you sure everyone's doing fine?"

» Agatha muttered, "I'm fine."

» Agatha exclaimed, "Wow!"

b. How it works:

» ALWAYS use a comma after the dialogue tag.

» If the dialogue tag is the beginning of a sentence, capitalize the first letter.

» End the dialogue with the appropriate punctuation (period, exclamation point, or question mark), but keep it INSIDE the quotation marks.

***

2. Tag After the Dialogue

a. When dialogue tags are used after the dialogue, it looks any of these:

» "Bakit mo ba kami tinatanong kung ayos lang kami?" She asked.

» "We are never okay," said Agatha.

» "Stop acting as you care!" she exclaimed.

b. How it works:

» Punctuation still goes INSIDE quotation marks.

» Unless the dialogue tag begins with a proper noun, it is not capitalized.

» End the dialogue tag with appropriate punctuation, but NEVER end the dialogue with a period.

***

3. Tag in the Middle of the Dialogue

a. When dialogue tags are used in the middle of dialogue, it looks any of these:

» "The car lights," she explained, "aren't bright enough to drive at night."

» "The car lights," Agatha explained, "aren't bright enough to drive at night."

b. How it works:

» A comma is used before the dialogue tag and goes INSIDE quotation marks.

» Unless the dialogue tag begins with a proper noun, it is not capitalized.

» A comma is used after the dialogue tag, OUTSIDE of quotation marks, to reintroduce the dialogue.

» End the dialogue with the appropriate punctuation (period, exclamation point, or question mark), but keep it INSIDE the quotation marks.

NOTE: Ang "Tag in the Middle of the Dialogue " ay applicable lamang kung IISANG SENTENCE lang ang dialogue n'yong hahatiin.

***

Action Tags: What Are They and How To Use Them

A. What is an Action Tag?

1. Action tags, also called action beats, are an alternative way to identify the speaker. These are sentences that describe the action of the character who's talking

Example:

» "Goodbye, bro!" He winked.

The sentence "He winked." is the action tag.

***

B. How To Use Action Tags?

Action tags are found in two different places: before or after the dialogue. Before or after the dialogue, the action tags always end with a period and start with a capital letter.

1. Tag Before the Dialogue

a. When action tags are before the dialogue, it looks any of these:

» Agatha held my hand. "Are you trying to run away again?"

» Agatha faked a smile. "What a coward you are."

» His eyes widened. "How dare you!"

b. How it works:

» End the action tag with appropriate punctuation. NEVER end the action tag with COMMA.

» Always capitalize the first letter of the action tag.

» End the dialogue with the appropriate punctuation (period, exclamation point, or question mark), but keep it INSIDE the quotation marks.

***

2. Tag After the Dialogue

a. When action tags are used after the dialogue, it looks any of these:

» "I'm turning you into the cops." Anne curled her fingers into a tight fist.

» "Finally." She laughed.

» "Victory's finally ours!" She jumped up and down in joy.

b. How it works:

» Punctuation still goes INSIDE quotation marks.

» Proper noun or not, always capitalize the first letter of the action tag.

» End the action tag with appropriate punctuation.

» Unlike in the dialogue tag, the dialogues here will never end with a comma.

***

Adverbial Tags: What Are They and How To Use Them

A. What is an Adverbial Tag?

1. Adverbial tag is almost the same as the dialogue tag. This tag only includes adverbs-as what its name says.

Example:

» "I can't do this," Anne said nervously.

The clause "Anne said nervously" is the adverbial tag.

***

B. How To Use Adverbial Tags?

Like dialogue tags, adverbial tags are found in three different places: before, after, or in the middle of dialogue. Depending on where the adverbial tags are, you use other punctuations and capitalization.

There are many errors in the story regarding the tag, but I'll only show one, and the others are up to you to find out.

Ex.

❌ - "It's fine." He simply answered.

✔ - "It's fine," he simply answered.

Notes:

○ Always capitalize the first letter when you're starting a dialogue.

○ Don't capitalize a tag if it's followed by "?" "!", "".

>| Ellipsis.

▪ Use an ellipsis (...) if your character is trailing off. And never use two or four or more dots.

Ex.

❌ - And I wondered..

✔ - And I wondered...

❌ - "Yeah.. . I guess it is."

✔ - "Yeah... I guess it is."

❌ - You can't stop crying because ... it's different ...

✔ - You/I can't stop crying because... it's different...

>| Stutter.

❌ - "And-and I didn't want her to let go."

✔ - "And... and/a-and I didn't want her to let go."

✔ - "We want to see you. We miss y-you. A-and sorry," her voice cracked.

>| If a word is being repeated twice, it must be hyphenated.

❌ - coo coo

✔ - coo-coo

>| Check your grammar.

○ words with s = the word after it must be in plural form.

❌ - My handwas too weak.

✔ - My hands were too weak.

○ didn't/did not did = the word after it must be in the present tense.

❌ - Why didn't I ever tried dating before?

✔ - Why didn't I ever try dating before?

❌ - I was thankful that he didn't spoke another word the whole meal.

✔ - I was thankful that he didn't speak another word for the whole meal.

👌 - positive + negative / negative + positive

👎- negative + negative

❌ - But never once did he never came back.

✔ - But he never came back.

>| Italicize

▪ Italicize the character's thoughts if he/she is indirectly talking to another character. So, italicize these since Remedy is indirectly talking to Wyze:

But not these: