《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: From NE to Cali
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From NE to Cali
MusicStoryLover05
Teen Fiction, Adventure, Life
LOVE IT. Cute and straight to the point!
Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and conflict.
Establishes the main character and her friends are close and are in High School together. We see her character and interaction with other people.
Be careful with present and past tense. Needs a little bit of spell check.
I like how this story is going. It's what I would call a sweet and fluffy read. There is no major problem and you don't have to think. I do have one question... Did she really eat the puppy Chow??
4 💙💙💙💙
Keep writing, it's just in it's first stages. I might read on, but I have a hard time reading Complementary books.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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- In Serial24 Chapters
Epimanes Warrior of the Gods
According to the Gods there are three kinds of men, the first type wants power for the sake of power, the second wants to be superior to other men for the sake of their vanity and the third just want to live a mediocre and comfortable life, until the sweet release of death. Our protagonist is the third kind, he just wanted to continue to grow in his white-collar job and retire in a middle management position with little power but a good remuneration, and enjoy his last years with his second wife and grandchildren’s. But the Gods had other plans, they need a champion to do their binding, a man competent enough to get the job done, but not ambitious to try to forge his own path. They will lie and use him as a toy, he will be the bottom of theirs jokes. Nevertheless, even the most passive of men have their break point, it may take a while and he will suffer a lot, but the Gods will weep, because the most destructive persons are not the ones that want to destroy the world, but the ones that want to save it.
8 224 - In Serial30 Chapters
King in the Castle
Ward Holden considers himself the creator of a utopia. As a hapless college student, he found himself in nearly complete control over a revolution in physics. Advances in material science, unlimited energy, and an explosive shift in the meaning of wealth are all in the hands of a guy who doesn't quite know what he's doing. The time is coming when everything people could want for themselves and their families is available with the push of a button. Cheap production, safe homes, and unlimited energy to power it all. But giving up a way of life is hard, even if that way of life causes poverty, starvation, and worse. But history moves on, and doesn't care about men or mice. King in the Castle is the memoir of one man who managed to ride a wave of technological breakthroughs to success and power as humanity comes closer to a post-scarcity existence.
8 128 - In Serial28 Chapters
blacklight
So here’s the deal: my name is Kihri Vyas, and I’m dead. (That’s not really important, it happened ages ago, but it’s good to have the context.) Anyway, me and my sister Zarah (the only person who can see or hear me) have basically been on our own since I kicked the bucket, surviving on the streets of Kaila and sort of just being miserable and bored and tired a lot. I mean, I haven’t, cause I’m dead, but she has. It sucks, but that’s business as usual for us. What isn’t B-A-U is that a bunch of other homeless folks have been disappearing in the last few months, and some of them have been turning up with anatomically-improbable, but extraordinary fatal, injuries. Cops don’t give a shit, of course, and my sister’s a boneheaded bleeding heart, so we’ve been investigating them ourselves. And, well, we’ve found a bunch of weird shit. Stuff made of solid light, ghost attack dogs, people glowing black, somehow, some kind of living robot… Actually, you know what? It’s probably easier if you see for yourself. blacklight is a modern fantasy story it's not about being gay but rest assured its gay as fuck nevertheless it updates fridays at 2 p.m. AEST on its own site at https://spectrochroma.wordpress.com/ Chapters are uploaded here one week after they finish on the main site.
8 81 - In Serial6 Chapters
OF THE LAST
It wasn't hard for Xiao-Ping to realize he wasn't his mother's son. He looked nothing like her, where her hair was white his was gold, her eyes were dark as coal and his seemed to shine under the sun and the most obvious part was her white ears that stood high in the sky while his were small round and at the side of his head. So one day he decides he's had enough and sets out on a journey to find out who he really is.
8 352 - In Serial13 Chapters
The Valion Chronicles - The Emergence
An action-adventure story about the struggles of a group of refugees from the war torn world of Valin fleeing the vindictive fury of a scientist turned military madman bent on intergalactic domination. The crew of the Safe Haven finds their way to Earth to discover that not only are there humans there but a variety of other alien species cohabitating on Earth which had become a central trading hub in the time they'd been in contact with a collective known as the Transgalactic Federation of Planets. The story is meant to be my take as a westerner on the concept of a Japanese Shonen Anime written with inspirations from the likes of Power Rangers and Kamen Rider but also meant to be my own spin on the conventions and tropes of the genre with a bit more of a large-scale world and a very open ended universe with lots of room to develop things outside the world of the main cast.
8 196 - In Serial32 Chapters
The Lieutenant
Harper Williams has never been one to follow the rules, so it's no surprise she lands herself in a court-ordered delinquent bootcamp for two years trapped under Lieutenant Assholes ruling. He's unapproachable, unattainable and fucking hot. Rumour has it, he took a vow to not have intimate relations with any of the recruits. So what happens when she accidentally ends up sharing a shower with him?Will he break his vow, or will she just get into a lot of trouble for that? 🪖💎Short story, no triggers. 💎🪖
8 242
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