《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mirage
Advertisement
Mirage
LK_XOXO
Teen Fiction, Romance, Humor
LOVE IT.
Like your summary. To me it's a little too much info.
I agree with another fellow member, your Prologue is not really necessary.
At the beginning of the chapter you should say Months later since Luna then made friends.
Sentences I'm confused about:'Reminded of Ed Sheeran's Photograph? Well, I am.'
4 💙💙💙💙
Overall it's good. I see potential as it already has. I don't know how I feel about the break of the fourth wall though...
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial354 Chapters
The Numbers That Brought Our Fates Together
Elena Lee, the daughter of the pharmaceutical tycoon, has been tormented by nightmares since she was six years old. In those dreams, she meets a strange man. It looks like he is trying to save her or... to kill her. But what will the girl do when the man from her dreams suddenly appears before her eyes in reality? *** *** *** Flames devoured the remnants of a fallen plane. The pilot's voice was no longer audible. Slowly falling white snow reinforced the feeling of complete hopelessness. "Lena, run!" "But…" "I said, RUN!" Taking his words as an order, Elena's legs, not listening to the desires of her heart, carried her away from this place as quickly as possible. Out of breath, but finding the strength to run farther through this dark forest, she heard nothing but the knock in her chest. Suddenly, the ground disappeared under her feet, and the body lost its balance. "Oh, and who is this hiding in here? Did the little mouse decide to play with the big cat? Oh dear, as I said, you can not hide from me. Neither in this life nor the next one." Elena's heart sank in horror. She has just lost the last chance to survive.
8 438 - In Serial18 Chapters
The Aggie Show
Gary is a young man who lives with his cat, Aggie. One day, Gary receives a mysterious book on his doorstep. Aggie steals this book, claims horrible powers beyond comprehension, and becomes Gary's tormentor. Gary must learn to navigate a world unlike anything he has ever seen.
8 195 - In Serial6 Chapters
I Reincarnated As The Universe
I've always wanted to be someone powerful...who wouldn't?Fly around like superman, stand for justice, eradicate all evil. Like that you know?Or perhaps a cultivation genius? A higher lifeform? A god?But all those dreams went down the drain when Truck-kun chose to send me on my way. However, I got a second chance as the... *Chapters*They'll be between 500-1000 words. So they're short. You're warned.
8 210 - In Serial6 Chapters
Evolution System+Customisation System=Stronger System? Maybe not though...
Synopsis- Dying due to what seemed to be an unavoidable drunken punch, Connor Connolly a 24-year-old man from England who is a little different when compared to the "normal public" keeps those differences along with a few additions when his soul transmigrates into a fantasy world of numerous opportunities compared to the mundane life of the earth where boredom was rife. His only asset? His mind and most importantly his imagination which he must maintain with practical knowledge from his previous life! Will his previous life's fascination with gathering what seemed to be random wildlife knowledge assist this hope for survival in the upcoming trials he faces that are beyond his imagination or make his situation worse because his past life knowledge is not always best in the world he has found himself a part of... All he has to go on are the words of the God who he heard from when he arrived in this crazy world and said "blessings" rewarded to him by this God. [Stupid human, I do not have time for your mortal questions, so I will give you the basic rules” of my planet. They are “evolve to improve oneself for yourself” and for you a unique ability that can be likened to your so-called concept of “customization” to further adapt oneself to the environment and for you to use your so-called “advantage of being reborn with your past life experience and knowledge”. Beware though, the strength you gain will balance itself out when compared to the aboriginals for the system I have created over my lifetime is perfection embodied] This is less brief in the actual prologue by the way as it also serves the purpose of giving you an idea of the world that Connor has been thrown into... :P Schedule: 2-3 Chapters a week, however, there could be more chapters released on some occasions.
8 141 - In Serial15 Chapters
Web of Isolation
Dane Kain: he was, on the whole, very uninvolved with life. He never had any particularly lingering attachments to life and tended to let himself be carried away by the flow of things, a fact that would become very important after his sudden death when he awoke as something completely alien. Using some half remembered fun facts from his passing obsessions in life as well as a penchant for making things work that simply shouldn't, hopefully Dane will stand a chance as the creation he has now become.
8 194 - In Serial38 Chapters
EVERLASTING LOVE ( KLAUS MIKAELSON ) ONE
When a girl with a bow makes an everlasting impression on a dangerous hybrid. #PFCC2K16
8 188
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
