《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mirage
Advertisement
Mirage
LK_XOXO
Teen Fiction, Romance, Humor
LOVE IT.
Like your summary. To me it's a little too much info.
I agree with another fellow member, your Prologue is not really necessary.
At the beginning of the chapter you should say Months later since Luna then made friends.
Sentences I'm confused about:'Reminded of Ed Sheeran's Photograph? Well, I am.'
4 💙💙💙💙
Overall it's good. I see potential as it already has. I don't know how I feel about the break of the fourth wall though...
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial27 Chapters
The Necromancer Raids Again
It's been two weeks since the teenage necromancer Scott Havenbrook saved Craven Falls from a daemonic invasion and ressurected Amber-although imperfectly. But rest is for the dead, as new trouble brews in the shadows. But stalking the streets is more than one new breed of monster. Kevin the comic geek is a newly minted member of the undead, adn he's lookign to take a bite out of crime. Can these horrifying heroes learn to work together, or will a sinister sorcery tear the fragile peace apart?
8 155 - In Serial19 Chapters
Walking The Jiang Hu
Ip An, an ordinary village boy suddenly gains the chance to enter an immortal sect by his grandfather on his deathbed. However, once he reaches the sect it is revealed that he isn't able to cultivate! Despite this he is unwilling to back down and wishes to simply make his grandfather proud. Soon, he becomes content with just practicing the mortal martial arts with his strangely eccentric, and mysteriously strong teacher. However, one day he offends a senior's nephew and is consequently sent to the frontlines of an inter-continental war that has been occurring for several centuries! Can Ip An, a mere mortal, survive or even thrive amongst countless war-crazed and bloodthirsty cultivators who could squash him like an ant? [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
8 100 - In Serial6 Chapters
Lamp of Gods- Tales of an Immortal
With just a blade in one hand, he walks alone in a world filled with darkness. Sufferings of the world forces his every step, skulls, bones and dead bodies littered across the road. Rusted sword, broken dreams, immortals die, divines dissappear, the common people suffer. Eternally shall he sweep the world with his conviction everlasting. The river of suffering that flows within you, also flows within me.To seek is to suffer, and to seek nothing is ignorance.The Path of Immortality is filled with suffering, so is life, so is this world.On this path of no return,Let me soar through the skies.Let me end this suffering forever.Let me wield this blade.As on this path of no return. Each shall wield their own.A sea of blood shall flow, at the cost of all mortal beings full of false hope! The ghosts wail as the gods roar, but the sea of blood has no end! One man, one weapon, one life,one journey and one conviction.
8 89 - In Serial7 Chapters
Peerless Grandmaster
Mu Linhua's mother Mu Shenhua was a famous Grandmaster, with peerless martial skills. To avenge her dead husband and brother, Mu Shenhua fought against Grandmasters and Great Generals from Yu Empire for nearly a decade. To survive the harsh life on the run, Linhua was trained from a young age of 3 in martial arts and Qi techniques by her mother. After settling blood debts, Mu Shenhua succumbs to her injuries and leaves Linhua a token and resources to settle in Great Wei Empire under the Mu family of generals they were originally part of. The Great Wei Empire was far past its greatness as it was broken into factions controlled by powerful families. The Emperor of Great Wei was aging as royals were engaged in the muddy political warfare for succession to the crown. Follow the journey of Linhua as she steps into an arduous journey through the Wei Empire as she works on the path to carve her name in history and realize her ambitions. Will she be able to create her legends, live up to her mother's and her own ambitions, and become a peerless Grandmaster... Credit for cover: Yuliana Honcharuk What to expect from this piece? > Rational MC > MC always eager to learn > A lot of fight scenes > Badass MC > Some scheming and plotting
8 155 - In Serial33 Chapters
I knew you were mine
When Bella arrives in Forks, she notices a strange family. Everyone expects her to like one of the mysterious boys, but who is it that actually catches her eye.....?
8 93 - In Serial22 Chapters
I'm An Idiot
This is the completed version of @Rainbend 's original story. I HAVE THE PERMISSION OF THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR TO PUBLISH THIS STORY.This story is also available on Quotev on my account : @BangtanBae or @BangtanBae05⚠️SLOW UPDATES⚠️***"Please be my girlfriend!""WHAT?" You spluttered, nearly choking on your lunch."Be my girlfriend?" Jungkook stood there with a sheepish smile, rubbing his neck.You simply stared at him in disbelief.***Jeon Jungkook has asked (Full Name), his best friend at university, to pretend to be his girlfriend for his brother's wedding. (Name) would have been okay with it if it is not for her crush on him. Nonetheless, she still agreed because he is her friend.The question is, will (Name) make it out alive without revealing her true feelings to her best friend or will Jungkook end up falling for her?
8 124
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
