《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mutual Idiots
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Mutual Idiots
FireWithfire11
Romance, Reckless, Humor, Teen Fiction, Drama, Criminals
LOVE IT. A little generic, but CUTE. Love the use of the colors.
Sweet and straight to the point. I do think it will sound better if in present tense. 'is' not 'was.' I do really like the final part "So what happens when a storm meets a hurricane? Chaos."
To be honest I wasn't sure it was Eva until you said 'she.' Also it would help if I remember things I skim at....*Hits forehead* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! The cane!!!
AWWWWWWWWW!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SHIP IT!!!
I like how you use 'She' to symbolize the mother. I LOVE the description of what Eva sees.
4 💙💙💙💙
Reckless and Impulsive are the same thing. Impulsive is a synonym to reckless. A hurricane is a storm, but I do see where you're going. I LOVE it!! I laughed and all i can think of is SHIP, SHIP!!! I'm a hopeless romantic. I like how the chapters are diary entries. If I have time I might actually read on. The only thing I had a problem with was the use of reckless and Impulsive. As well as Hurricane and storm. What about Hurricane and Wind? Since a Hurricane, can't be a Hurricane without wind.
Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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