《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Maiden Heart Zwei
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Maiden Heart Zwei
Canislupus54
Fantasy, Magic, Adventure, Swords, (Fanfiction)
Needs a cover....
It's simple, but not enough. Also you should probably mention more for people who don't know the anime, Maiden Heart Zwei Tri.
I really liked this. The imaginary was on point and you didn't have unnecessary information. I do suggest though you put for the break 'Years later' or 'in the far city of {Blank}' I got a little confused when it switched over.
Good, Good. I really enjoyed this chapter. I can see potential with this story. I have a feeling you enjoy this story. I notice your writing is a bit different in this one compared to 'The Elf Princess'. You should maybe say sooner that she is a squire and explain what a squire is.
3.5 💙💙💙
I really wanted to give a 4 so 3.5 . You need a cover. Your summary needs some fixing. Your prologue was good except for the break, explain why the view changed from Lucia to Ellie. Chapter 1 was amazing. This is actually the first story that is in third person that I can understand. I have a hard time understanding Third Person. If I have the time I might read on. Keep Writing.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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- In Serial165 Chapters
Ashlani's Reincarnation
Ashlani was hunting keelish, a large bipedal reptile commonly seen as a pest, near his home village when he was betrayed by one he thought was his friend, which led to him being killed by the keelish he was trying to hunt. Shortly thereafter, he found himself reborn as a keelish spawn himself, and next thing he knew, he heard a voice, welcoming him to his new life. Ashlani was hatching as an ordinary keelish spawn himself, but was offered the opportunity to evolve from just a normal keelish into an assortment of superior ones. So begins Ashlani's new life, and, his pursuit of vengeance!This is me reattempting something I tried to write on tapas a couple of years ago. I’m going to try to be consistent on updates, but the whole “day job” thing gets in the way sometimes. I have been posting this on WebNovel, but decided to try to broaden my horizons, so I'm posting here as well! Also, join my discord! https://discord.gg/h7t9bSj2yz
8 351 - In Serial24 Chapters
mrbeast imagines ☆
* due to my fixation ending and my unyeilding growth , i do not write in this book anymore . i do not write for real people anymore . "𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞"❦ just saying this sweetie deserves the world#2 in youtube imagines
8 105 - In Serial27 Chapters
BREATHE
She was floating around under water. Suffocating and slowly dying, the blue of the water causing her to not see anything. Tears covered her eyes, leaking out and flowing down her face like a stream. Suddenly she can see a bright light, and a hand was reached out towards her. She slowly reached up taking his hand. He pulled her out into the light. Her darkskin glowing and shining. With one more pull she was out the water, sensing everything around her. Finally seeing everything around her. She can finally BREATHE.
8 126 - In Serial12 Chapters
A little bit of Villainy
Our world has become an apocalyptic wasteland where the only law is that of the strongest. In this nightmare, a band heroes rise up to save the remnants of humanity from itself.They build a great city to shelter the weak, only for the city (and all its inhabitants) to get blown to pieces by what many would call a villain. All the heroes die in the explosion but the goddesses of light and order transport their souls to a fantasy universe where they need to vanquish the demons and save humanity. The heroes succeed and 'peace' returns. These acts left the goddess of Chaos dying and as you all know desperate times call for desperate measures. "The only thing that can defeat a hero is a villain and luckily I know where to find one, one that has already killed them once." , -The goddess of chaos The Villain that once bested the heroes gets revived as a Dracolich, an undead dragon of great power, and brings with him a storm a Chaos and Fun. "I can't really say I won against them in our last life since we all ended dying in that explosion, but this time I'm gonna win our fun little rematch."- Villain This story is about a Villain who just wants to have a good time and maybe create a little mayhem. Note: I know I tagged this story with an anti-hero lead tag, but that is only because there is no tag called villain lead.
8 135 - In Serial17 Chapters
Summer School In Another World
Josh and his friends, Bobby, Pepe, Manuel, and Erin had just graduated middle school and the summer was just starting. The plan was that they would have sleep overs, go camping, fishing, play video games and just not worry about going high school. Elementary and Middle School over it was time to have fun before that new stage in life called high school. All was going well, video games check, sleep over at Pepe's house check, camping and fishing was next on the list. Erin backyard had some woods behind it and that was where they would be camping. The night was filled with stories, games, marshmallow smores and some pop that Manuel had brought with him. They fell asleep thinking tomorrow would be as great as today, but tomorrow would change them forever. Now they are in a different world, a world they had not fallen asleep to. They and others are now stuck here, where they are slotted into roles like in a game. And they have to level and fight who knows what. And all they wanted was to have fun before starting high school. But the kind of fun in this new place includes getting hurt or possibility of sort of dying.
8 209 - In Serial26 Chapters
My Alpha (My Alpha Series Book 1 boyxboy)(under revision)
••His eyes sparkled like the ocean against his pale skin while his pink lips stood out, asking to be kissed. ••
8 222
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