《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Falling to Pieces
Advertisement
Falling to Pieces
ih9344
Short Story, social anxiety, No-Fiction?, Commentary
I really like the use of puzzle pieces and the color being black and white.
Good; sweet and simple. States the problem and how she might be able to solve the problem. I really like how you tied the dialogue and the summary into one.
Good. It really didn't hook me, but it's a good start. You describe everything and nothing is missing.
What do you mean editing! This chapter is perfect! Grammar/ punctuation, even sentence flow is good. I do feel it should be a little longer, but I understand why it's not because this is a short story.
(I needed a little more; I felt like I haven't read your full potential. So Part 1 is a freebie)
5 💙💙💙💙💙
OMG Your my first critique I've ever given a 5. Everything is perfect. Everytging is pretty much stated above. I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭) Keep Writing
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial47 Chapters
The Last Orellen (An Epic Progression Fantasy)
According to prophecy, the ninth-born child of Lord Orellen will have the sort of power that changes the world. But in a land ruled by mage families, no one welcomes the possibility of a dangerous new player. Fearful even of their allies, the Orellens come up with an extraordinary and deadly scheme to protect themselves. If the most powerful sorcerers in the world wish to kill the ninth-born, they will have to find him or her first. And that's not going to be easy when the Orellens have called upon dark magic to create hundreds of heirs. The boys and girls are given new bodies, new names, and even new magical talents before they are scattered across the continent. Only one among them is the real ninth, but all of them will have to grow up in a world where they are fugitives. Kalen, once fated to die, is now an Orellen heir in hiding. And he is determined to survive, even if he has to master his strange new powers to do it. The Last Orellen is a long, character-focused progression fantasy set in a vast universe about a boy's journey to become a powerful mage. Reviews are deeply appreciated. Please do not repost my work elsewhere without my written permission. What type of reader is this book for? You might enjoy The Last Orellen if you like... Clever and resourceful protagonists. Big fantasy worlds. Multiple cultures, lots of characters, many different types of magic--this story is expansive rather than closely focused on a narrow storyline. Progression fantasy that takes its time. Our main character will be progressing through magical ranks, but this is going to be a lengthy story. If you're more about the journey than the destination, this might be the book for you. [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
8 245 - In Serial162 Chapters
Tides Of Protomis
(Updates are back, now every Friday) In 2006, The third world war began. What followed was a devastating conflict, were over a billion met their end. Only ending Seven years later, in the year 2013... It has been three years since it's end. In much of the world, things seem peaceful, as mankind begins to heal the wounds inflicted upon itself, though some conflicts continue, the scale is much smaller. Allowing for many of those involved to live somewhat peaceful lives. Enter Arctaius Corde, once a young boy thrust into life or death battles, connected to this very war, surviving with abilities gained as he became a proto-human. Today, he lives in the Tokyo. Though a troubled student at best, with a large amount of fights under his belt. They were nothing compared to those previous, and his life had become a more peaceful one. However, this would soon end. As a mysterious group that appeared during his childhood resurfaces, and begins to take action. Now, He begins his pursuit. (Desc is for Arc 1, currently on Arc 2. Make sure to comment your opinions, and discuss with other readers! Really enjoy seeing that kind of stuff, and it helps me improve my writing.)
8 80 - In Serial6 Chapters
The Cutest Demon Lord
One day out of nowhere, Kaede is summoned to another world. One eerily similar to New World Online with one key difference. As she treads the same path she once took, Kaede quickly figures out the differences between seasoned gamers and feudal citizens. This is a Fanfiction of Bofuri. I do not own Bofuri, it is owned by Yuumikan. Please support the original.
8 135 - In Serial30 Chapters
PERFECT
To a person one of the most important day of their life is their wedding day, the day they tie their lives for eternity with a person they love. Ashley wakes up married to Nick, her childhood nemesis, in Vegas after a night of too many drinks. The person you marry is someone who thinks very highly of you, but Nick calls Ashley a "carcass", not very endearing.Ashley wants an annulment but everyone in his and her family have a different plan. To everyone they were always and will remain the "perfect" couple. Everyone except the newly married couple is excited about the marriage, they have all made plans for the future for the couple. Does everyone's happiness matter enough to the two of them that they remain married? If not, will everyone let them walk away on different paths? If they remain together can they fall in love? Will this love be everlasting or just sexual attraction?Join Ashley and Nick as they make choices to make life perfect for themselves alone or together
8 101 - In Serial35 Chapters
Twoen
The struggle for an interesting game has been the story of my life for quite some time. Every game I find is either too easy, not interesting or too short. Luckily, my two brothers who match my level of skill, albeit in different areas, tend to spice things up. When I look at my older brother I have no idea how he gets anything done when he's such an idiot. Still it doesn't detract from my respect for him as a gamer, though maybe a little. When I look at my younger brother I marvel at the monster that my older brother and I created. Deadliness, craftiness and quiet, both in what he does and how he is. When it's just us three we tend to destory everything in our path. So normally we tend to compete rather than team. Although that isn't to say we're just good as individuals. When we work together our effectiveness multiplies rather than lowering. Well enough about us dorks. Anyway a new VR game came out, apparently in development for quite some time. Of course my older brother decided to drive out and buy three copies. What would this one be missing? Difficulty? Depth? Length? In any case I plan to reach the top before my brothers do. It was a competition after all. Twoen had all three things I normally yearn for in spades. Something I did not foresee. A keeper
8 138 - In Serial69 Chapters
Malec one shot
My boys malec and my crazy mind
8 190
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
