Pain and Privilege

Bluebirdwatching

Teen Fiction, Romance, Teen Drama

I like how the cover shows the class they are (Rich kids).

I feel like you don't need the second half of the summary. The top part is good enough. I like how you don't really state which are the boys and which are the girls, but you are missing one.

Everything is good. There is one spot though where you should state that she goes up to the mail box or how she gets the mail. Becuase when you said she was driving pass the beach and stuff I thought she was already heading to school.

This chapter was very short. You only should go as long or short if you need to get the point across/ idea/problem. Also, I like your writing in third person better than first.

Good. I still prefer third person. I feel like you are tending to rush in first person. To be honest most of us do. You need to establish that Aaron and Launice are not siblings.

3.5 💙💙💙

I was having a hard time debating between a 3 and a 4. Your story is well. It only needs some touches, but I can't stand how the prologue is in third and the rest so far is in first. I really like how you wrote in the prologue. I think you should stick to first. I don't usually read third person since I have a hard time with it. Keep writing. I might keep reading since I do like bad boy stories and I like the touch of rich and poor.

Rate from 1-5

💙💙💙💙💙

1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing

2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice

3: Good/Needs a little editing

4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on

5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on