《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Toto Cael: The Fall From Grace
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Toto Caelo: The Fall From Grace
RoryHoward0
Fantasy, medieval, adventure
I really like the quote and how nice and simple the cover is. The trees show adventure, and the letters show the boldness of the character or the atmosphere the character is going through.
I really like how deep your summary is. I think you should say a little bit more about one of the four. I think it was the one that is being persecuted?
The first couple of paragraphs seemed very fast. I had to re-read them twice. And then again once I realized what was happening. Besides that WOW. You describe everything, in which bringing the forest to life.
Good. I like how you incorporate a religion most people know about and then add your own little twist.
Good. You have some 'the' that should be 'they'
One-word WOW
4 💙💙💙💙
I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭)
There is some minor editing needed.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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