《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: thunderstuck (TLOU.)
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thunderstruck (TLOU.)
llimerence
Apocalypse, girl x girl, love, zombie
I like it. It says the main character is bold and it's a girl.
OMG, the cast. I really like your summary. It's nice and sweet and straight to the point.
: What is a loo roll? In the second paragraph you mention 'he', but who is he? What is plait? Explain why Jae was teased. I know the GIFs show us, but these are keen in a story.
Good, but what does everything look like? Does Jae have black hair? Blonde hair?
4 💙💙💙💙
This story has potential. Will I read on? No. I'm not keen on stories about apocalypse and girlxgirl.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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