《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: thunderstuck (TLOU.)
Advertisement
thunderstruck (TLOU.)
llimerence
Apocalypse, girl x girl, love, zombie
I like it. It says the main character is bold and it's a girl.
OMG, the cast. I really like your summary. It's nice and sweet and straight to the point.
: What is a loo roll? In the second paragraph you mention 'he', but who is he? What is plait? Explain why Jae was teased. I know the GIFs show us, but these are keen in a story.
Good, but what does everything look like? Does Jae have black hair? Blonde hair?
4 💙💙💙💙
This story has potential. Will I read on? No. I'm not keen on stories about apocalypse and girlxgirl.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial13 Chapters
The Ruins of Rimnir
The full story can be found at RuinsofRimnir.com/TheAlchemist --- It's hard being the poor kid at a rich suburban school, and Darren Karofski knows that all too well. He's ostracized, alone, and wants nothing more than to help out his struggling family. And he has finally found a way. The Ruins of Rimnir, an advanced, technical marvel of a game which allows players to trade game currency for real world dollars, is the teen's answer. Darren has a plan: go into the game, work hard, and reap the rewards. But it all changes when Darren is the first to find a rare, elite World Perk. And now, everyone is after him. --- Sign up for our mailing list!
8 430 - In Serial8 Chapters
The Bladed Priest: Curses and Sins
In a land plagued by traitorous politics and bereft of competent lords and kings, the dead rise. Navigating the earthly and otherworldly threats of this ancient land, a wayfaring rogue finds himself engaging the uglier sides of humanity. This is the first chapter of hopefully a longer narrative--maybe an anthology of stories. Tell me what you think!
8 125 - In Serial14 Chapters
Durgen the Bardbarian
Durgen, being the smallest orc in the village, was naturally near the bottom of the totem pole. Day in and day out, he's tasked with daily monotonous "quests" that offered nothing and only got experience points from killing things outside the village. Of coarse, this wouldnt be a good story if something didnt happen while out hunting one day that changed his life forever. Developing as much skills as possible, he sets out to forge his own path. "Dis story gud!" -Some git "Read dis book!" -Warboss
8 211 - In Serial82 Chapters
Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction
Eleanor Selwyn and Draco Malfoy had three things in common: a high, pure-blood status, academic talents and Slytherin house.Other than that, they were complete opposites and hated each other. That was rather unfortunate, as the Selwyns and the Malfoys had been part of the same social circle for decades. They went to the same parties, visited the same shops and restaurants and visited each other far more than Eleanor would have liked.If it were up to their mothers, they'd already have been betrothed, but ever since birth, the two were like fire and ice. But what happens when ice gets too close to fire?
8 502 - In Serial14 Chapters
The Reaper: Consumer of Souls
In a world where the strong rule, and the weak try to become strong. A 12 year old boy learns about the power that he holds. He tries to learn how yo use his power and become stronger to survive. However, life isn't always all pretty and peaceful, there is always danger. Follow the young boy as he struggles to survive with his companions and become strong enough to protect himself and the ones he loves.
8 140 - In Serial26 Chapters
Kaiju Paradise Roleplay (Ended Sept 19)
This roleplay is finally finished.Thank you for roleplaying with me, I really appreciate it ❤
8 128

