After a scandal unfolds in the Wood family resulting in near bankruptcy, Shanya Wood decides to take matters into her own hands. Like a cliché, she leaps at the chance of becoming a rich, young white man's fiancé. The pay? Enough money to let her write her own future. The bad news? The guy is a disdainful imbecile. The WORST news? His girlfriend is a category five hurricane.

Soon, Shanya realizes her 'golden opportunity at a better life' may have been more than she bargained for.

Stuck between his better judgement and fulfilling a disturbing proposal from a batshit crazy girlfriend, Paris Boden chooses the latter in hopes of impeding a ruinous family feud.

But he is appalled by the vanity and righteous indignance exuding from his hired fiancé and absolutely wants nothing to do with her. Only to find himself inextricably drawn to her in ways he cannot explain.

As conflicting emotions seek to drown him, Paris must make a choice he would never wish on his worst enemy.

(10/10) Your cover has a mysterious aura and definitely pulls in the right audience for your book. The font of the title is amazing, and your cover artist did a wonderful job at making it professional looking. As always, there is room for improvement. Using apps such as PicsArt can allow you to edit your cover and add filters. This is optional, seeing how your cover is already beautiful the way it is. A solid ten out of ten.

(10/10) The title might sound a little plain considering it's only one word, but it's perfect the way it is. I was a little shocked at how much your title clicked with your story, it just felt right. And that's exactly how you want your readers to feel. It is definitely an appropriate title for your story, and I commend you for it.

(2/5) I always recommend blurbs to be only a few sentences long. Why? Because you want to suck in your reader with as little as possible. In this case, less is more. There is a lot that can be crossed out in your blurb. While some details may be relevant to the story, they might not revolve around the main plot and conflict. Here is an example of my take of your blurb: Chased by a scandal that cornered her into bankruptcy, Shanya Woods will do anything to become financially stable—even if it means marrying her way into money. The last thing Paris Boden wanted was a hired fiance. But desperate to resolve a ruinous family feud, he'll play along—if only to defeat his worst enemy. It's only three sentences, and it conveys what your story is about without ruining the mysterious air about it. This is just an example that you can use as a guide to work on shortening your own blurb. Along with that, using all caps is an unprofessional way to emphasize something. A better option would be to use italics.

(5/5) Yes. Really, that's all I can say. Already, I can see the connection between the story and your title, and the way you've written your hook is breathtaking. It has a personal touch to it, and you're unfolding an idea that your readers can relate or agree with. It makes me excited because your hook makes sense, and I want to read more about these revelations. It's clear you know what you're doing when writing the beginning of your book—because it's one of the most crucial parts of writing a book.

(8/10) There are a few comma splices throughout your chapter. A comma splice is joining two independent clauses with a comma, and without proper conjunction (and, or, but, etc). An example would be: "Jaden loves chocolate, he ate some this morning." There are several solutions to fix this sentence. You can separate the two clauses by replacing the comma with a period, or a semicolon, or a conjunction. A correct example is: "Jaden loves chocolate, and he ate some this morning" or "Jaden loves chocolate; he ate some this morning". In your first paragraph, you have a comma splice. Can you find it? If you can't, just let me know and I'll help you. And make sure to check thoroughly throughout your chapter. There are several of these comma splices.

Along with that, there are a few subject-verb disagreements. This is when subjects and verbs do not agree in number. If a subject is singular, then the verb should be singular as well. If a subject is plural, then the verb should be plural. Again, in your first paragraph, an example would be "If the rumor were a grievous lie, you still won't go unscathed." The correct way to present this sentence would be: "If the rumor was a grievous lie, you still wouldn't go unscathed." Along with that, I've made a minor correction by replacing "won't" with "wouldn't" because of tense issues. Remember that your writing is set in past tense, but you sometimes slip up and write with present tense. This happens a few times throughout your chapter.

Lastly, there were missing commas and unnecessary commas. Commas are used to separate independent/dependent clauses, usually along with a proper conjunction. A comma used in an independent clause would be: "We took a walk, and we saw a dancer." A comma used in a dependent clause would be: "When we took a walk, we saw a dancer." Commas can also be used to string dependent clauses, like if you are creating a list. Using unnecessary commas can make your writing look unprofessional. Go through your chapter to catch these misplaced commas, and next time ask yourself: why am I using this comma? Is it necessary to use this comma, or does the sentence work without it?

(5/5) From reading your chapter, I haven't noticed any spelling errors. But then again, I might have missed a few. Don't rely too heavily on just your eyes to spot mistakes. If you don't already, use a site that focuses on spelling errors and grammatical ones as well, such as ProWritingAid.

(18/20) I'll be honest: there's a ton of books on Wattpad that have hired fiances or arranged marriages. But, as you've said, "execution trumps originality." Already, your writing skills are tremendously advanced compared to many writers with a similar plot. Therefore, this boosts your book up above the many other books on Wattpad. I'm sure you'll throw in a lot of plot twists to differentiate your story compared to others, so keep up the good work! I also love that your main character is a person of color, which definitely sets it aside from many books with similar plots. It's a wonderful representation, considering there aren't many books out there with people of color as main or important characters.

(10/10) Your characters are so vivid! The descriptions you use make them stand out from one another, and I can see that they each have their own personality stemming from your voice. Just a reminder: Make sure to save some room for personality improvement. What flaws does your main character have, and what skills will they develop throughout the book?

(20/20) Your voice is golden. It's unique and doesn't sound forced or awkward at all. I can really see that you've spent a lot of time perfecting your writer's voice and had fun writing this chapter! You slowly built up the tension with your descriptions, and there really isn't much more to be done to improve. Of course, over time, your voice will keep getting better and better. I can't even imagine what your writing will look like by then, considering it is already beautiful and breathtaking right now.

(5/5) You've built up the tension rather nicely, making me sit at the edge of my seat. Each paragraph transitioned into something further delving into the plot, and I loved how smoothly you've noted their emotions, their actions, and their surroundings without breaking off from your story and breaking the flow.

So, now that the grading/feedback is over, let's turn the focus to the specific details of Chapter 1.

***

There was one capitalization error I caught. "About furthering their social standing both in school and outside of school - The daughter of great architect and the son of wine merchants." (paragraph 6). Can you see the word that is unnecessarily capitalized? If you ever get confused, ask yourself: Is this the first word of the sentence? Am I referring to a specific place, person, or thing? If not, then you probably shouldn't capitalize it. Go thoroughly through your chapter in case this happens again.

Just wanted to point out since this can be confusing: 'best friend' is two words, not one. In paragraph 3, you used "best friend" as one word, which is grammatically inaccurate.

"Attention for one." This sentence would be less confusing for your readers if you added a comma. "Attention, for one."

"Nala, on the other hand, was quite the smart cookie..." (paragraph 6). There is an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Nala on the other hand was quite the smart cookie..." By the way, I love your description for Nala. "Sharp cookie" is a wonderful alternative to "sly" and/or "cunning." Good job.

Caught another capitalization error. "It's not everyday you learn that your mother, a renowned relationship expert, was having an affair with your Principal while married to your dad..." (paragraph 9) Despite what it may seem like, "Principal" is not capitalized. This is because you're already saying he is "your" principal and not referring him as to his position and name. Since you've already clarified that you're talking about a specific principal, the capitalization is incorrect. Along with that, "everyday" only counts as one word when used as an adjective, such as "everyday clothing" which describes the clothes you wear. Since you aren't using it as an adjective, "everyday" should really be two words.

"... Shanya mused as the burning embers of the events of the past eight weeks simmered down at the back of her mind," (paragraph 10). That sentence... is absolutely stunning. Your vocabulary and descriptions are making me fall in love with your writing.

In paragraph 12 you wrote, "... shooting daggers at her brother's very handsome features who was looking at her with a calmness that made her want to bash his teeth in." Again, wonderful description. However, you wrote that her brother's handsome features were looking at her, not her brother. Her brother's features aren't really defined by gender, so this sentence is inaccurate. Correction: "... shooting daggers at her brother's very handsome features as he looked at her with a calmness that made her want to bash his teeth in." This is a little hard to explain, so I hope you got the gist of it. If not, privately message me, and we can discuss this further!

"'I know that you cared about dad very much very much.'" (paragraph 24... I think). The word "dad" should be capitalized—unless you decided to write "our dad"—because since you're referring to a specific person, his name should be capitalized.

In paragraph 32, you wrote, "'Look, Chi,' Shanya tried again, letting her arms fall to her sides as she dipped one into the candy jar on the ground..." By writing this, you are essentially saying that she let both of her arms fall to her sides, but at the same time, one of those arms dipped into the candy jar. To correct this, you can write: "'Look, Chi,' Shanya tried again, letting her arm fall to her side as she dipped the other into the candy jar on the ground..."

"'I know you're worried I'll run off and die but I'm off age. I can take care of myself.'" (paragraph 33). "Off" should really be "of" because it's indicating relationships between the other words. You've also confused "of" with "off" in your 34th paragraph. "I know you're worried I'll run off and die, but I'm of age. I can take care of myself." (I've also added a comma.)

You did a wonderful job at emphasizing your words with italics instead of all caps, which can often look unprofessional and unusually perky sounding. Good job with that.

Paragraph 41, "dad" should be capitalized. This happens several times throughout the chapter, so make sure to look thoroughly.

Paragraph 51. "'Now why would you think that?' Her mum continued in a fruity voice, holding onto her what Shanya suspected was a cup of coffee." "Her" should not be capitalized, because "Her mom continued in a fruity voice..." is not a sentence by itself. It is a continuation of the dialogue, "'Now why would you think that?'". This means that "her" is not the first word of the sentence, "now" is. And you are already doing a good job of this, but I'd like to add that if not ending your dialogue with a question mark or exclamation mark, end it in a comma when using a dialogue tag afterwards or continuing the sentence after dialogue. A period should only be used when a new sentence starts after a dialogue. Hope that makes sense.

Paragraph 60. The word "morose" is an adjective, and should not be used alone. A good replacement would be "remorse."

Somewhere near the end of the chapter, Shanya's mother slaps her and starts yelling. Try to emphasize her words with italics instead of all caps, since all caps can look unprofessional to your readers.

Beautiful ending to the chapter. Definitely makes me want to read more.

***

I have to admit that I was so busy reading your story that I forgot I was supposed to be critiquing your work—that's how good your first chapter was. I was entranced by your writing skills, and I really don't know why you don't have more readers. Your story needs more recognition. I'm honored that you've offered this book for me to review, and I hope you weren't offended by any remarks I've made throughout this critique.

Congratulations! Your book has earned at least ninety points in my review—and therefore will be added to my reading list!