18-year-old Monica Brown has lived an ordinary, cocooned life. Well, until a billionaire decides to waltz in and wreck everything, bringing with him a mysterious attacker, the unveiling of a world-famous band, and most unfortunately, an outrageously good looking guy.

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'I stared with awe at the sight in front of me. The sun was reflecting on the glass windows to create a beautiful golden halo that encompassed the complex-

"You can close your mouth. We have facial muscles for that, you know."

I can see that there was a lot of thought and hard work put into the cover. However, I could not make a connection to your story. I suggest getting a cover maker on Wattpad to create a cover that better suits your story's genre.

From reading your first five chapters, I could not make a connection to your story and the title. When I first saw the chapter, I initially thought of this story as a horror or thriller/mystery story, not a bubbly, humorous light-hearted story. It's likely that this story will draw in the wrong audience for your story. I love the title as it is, but it unfortunately does not suit your story. I suggest changing the name to something humorous that will draw in an audience who can appreciate your wit and comedy throughout your story.

I can clearly see that you've put your all into your blurb. It's short, concise, and relates to your story. I really enjoyed the humorous aspect you've incorporated into your hook, letting some of your writing voice and character personalities shine through.

The humor you've added into the hook really drew me in. I loved that it made me smile, and already I have a feel for what your main character is like. By reading your hook, I'm eager to learn more. One thing I'd suggest is to convert the all caps into italics. Your readers will understand the emphasis. Other than that, I was surprised and impressed by how much you've hooked me in with this one sentence. You're off to a wonderful start, and I can already tell I'm going to enjoy reviewing your story.

I'm glad to say that you seem to have a strong grip on your grammar skills. I've spotted a few mistakes here and there happening frequently throughout your chapters, which shows that you still need a little work on recognizing these kinds of mistakes. While you seem to get a general idea of what commas are for, always ask yourself why you are using a comma. Remember that it is used to separate several clauses, and usually should be joined with proper conjunction (but, and, or, etc). Along with that, sometimes it's better for commas to be replaced with periods. Along with that, you mainly have a problem with the proper punctuation at the end of your dialogue. You tend to end your dialogue with a dialogue tag ("he said," "she said," etc) which is not a bad thing. However, a dialogue is not a sentence by itself; it is actually part of the dialogue sentence. Therefore, if you are not ending your dialogue in a question mark or exclamation mark, you should be ending it in a comma, and the dialogue tag should not be capitalized as it is not the start of a new sentence. If, however, you are having an action tag at the end of the dialogue "I started walking..." or "With those words, I spun around and left..." Then those are sentences by themselves, and the dialogue should end in a period; the action tags should be capitalized to indicate the start of a new sentence. This may be confusing, so if you have trouble understanding this, privately message me and I will help you! I will also further explain this during your chapter reviews.

I've caught a few spelling errors in reading your stories; more than I would have liked to see. I suggest going and thoroughly editing your chapters before uploading it on Wattpad to catch any errors. If you read your chapter out loud, this is a good way at catching any mistakes you've made. Along with that, sites such as Grammarly or ProWritingAid are good for pointing out spelling/grammar mistakes, and offers ways to restructure your paragraph with stronger diction.

I've read books with billionaires. I've read books with anonymous music bands. I've not read books with both billionaires, music bands, and humor. Some aspects of your story are a little cliche (such as being attacked in a dark alleyway), but it's always about how you execute your plot. You've spun this into your own story, and despite the things I have seen before, you've given me a fresh look through a different perspective. Wonderful job with the story plot!

One thing I've seen is that you write your characters with different voices. For example, Katy always says "darling" in her dialogue, which really gives me a visual for her characteristics and personality. It's like Katy is her own person, and I love that. However, I was not really able to catch a voice for Monica, James, Jimmy, or Lily. How can you make them stand out from one another? Along with that, many of your characters have names that start with the same letter (like James, Jimmy, and Jack). Since you're already so far into your story, you don't have to change this. But for future reference, keep in mind that a good idea would be to stay away from having characters starting with the same letters because it will confuse your readers. I also want to see flaws in your characters. What personal struggles is Monica currently going through? What about Lily? How will they improve throughout the story, and what skills will they acquire by the end?

Your voice in narrating this story is really what caught my attention. You did a wonderful job at really making your voice stand out amidst all these authors. By spinning your wit and humor into this story, you are really making your writing voice shine through your characters, and I can get a sense of who you are as a person behind your words. One thing I'd caution you to look out for is repetition. You repeat many adjectives and adverbs throughout your story. Don't be afraid to be on the hunt for new diction and ways to describe the scene and setting around your characters. One thing I do is I always read books and look for how other authors use their writing voice. What about a writer's voice attracts you to the story? You can learn a lot just by reading the works of the others, and you will expand your vocabulary and descriptions. I've been doing this for a while now myself, and already I can see my own writing voice improving over time. It might not happen overnight, but your writing voice will flourish if you take the time to nurture it into its own living, breathing thing.

One thing I've seen you do a lot is say "2 hours later" or "a while later" to indicate that time has passed. Try to replace that habit by describing this new scene and new setting, slyly and smoothly transiting your readers into a new part of the story. I further elaborate this in your chapter reviews, so just keep practicing this skill, and it will eventually begin to come out naturally on its own.

"'...it was 2 in the morning and I was so sleepy...'" (paragraph 2). When writing a story, I advise writing out a number, or it will seem lazy and less professional for your readers. Correction: "... it was two in the morning and I was so sleepy..."

"'It's okay, darling. No worries.' Katy said, before walking off." (paragraph 3). First of all, I love your keen eye for where to place your commas. However, there is a grammatical mistake here. It may be hard to understand, so if you still need help with this concept, make sure to message me privately and I will help you! "Katy said..." is not a sentence by itself. It is a continuation of the dialogue because it is describing how Katy was speaking. Therefore, the period at the end of the dialogue should be replaced with a comma. Correction: "'It's okay, darling,' Katy said before walking off." Along with that, did you notice the unnecessary comma I've removed? I also wanted to point out that this looks like a filler dialogue. A filler is when you write something that takes up a lot of space without contributing to the plot at all. For example, if you make a character say "Good morning, isn't it a lovely day out today?" and "Oh, yes, it is positively delightful!", these are fillers, and boring pleasantries that your readers do not want to go through. I suggest that you either remove this sentence, or add more to show the reader Katy's personality. That way, you are still making it contribute to the characterization rather than just letting it sit there doing nothing.

In paragraph 6, I suggest you remove the all caps and use italics instead. All caps should be used sparingly; only if you absolutely have to, such as if your character is literally yelling into a microphone or such.

I love how you're sprinkling details about your main character throughout this chapter without giving a long background irrelevant to the situation. Already, I've learned so much about your MC without feeling like I was learning anything. This is hard to do, so you did a wonderful job with this! I also wanted to point out that although it clearly says at the top in bold: Monica's POV, you should still place her name somewhere in the beginning of the chapter. I dived into your story and didn't learn her name until the very end of the chapter, when one of her friends called out her name. Make sure to insert her name earlier. A good place would be when Katy says, "It's okay, darling. No worries." The character would learn the MC's name, and this wouldn't be a filler sentence anymore.

In paragraph 17, try to work more on smoother transitions. Rather than starting a new part with "2 hours later..." Try something such as, "It's been two hours, and still Katy dragged me around the mall..." Here, you have the chance to add a humorous touch and make the transition smoother for your readers. If you want to indicate a new scene, you can separate the two situations with a line or ***. This is what I do; it helps the reader understand I'm moving onto a new scene and still explaining a little of what happened during the time skip.

In paragraph 21, I suggest you replace the all caps with italics. It will still have the same effect on your readers; I promise.

"She sashayed towards the counter clutching the dresses." (paragraph 22). Here, I suggest you add a comma to separate the two clauses. If you don't, some readers may interpret this sentence as Katy sashaying to the counter—which is clutching some dresses. Correction: "She sashayed towards the counter, clutching the dresses."

"I'm going to die of embarrassment." (paragraph 23). If you italicized this and turned it into a thought, then there is no problem with this sentence. However, if it is meant to be part of the narration, you should convert it into past tense, considering your story is set in past tense. Correction: "I was going to die of embarrassment."

Check paragraph 28, you have another tense-slip up.

In paragraph 29, this applies to what I've mentioned earlier. How can you seamlessly blend this transition with the next scene? How can you let your readers know that time has passed without just writing down that some time has passed?

"'Why am I friends with you!'" (paragraph 31). I understand that here you are trying to convey Monica's tone of voice. However, this sentence is phrased as a question. A suggestion would be to write it as: "Why am I friends with you?" or "Why am I friends with you?!"

Along with that, I suggest replacing all caps with italics in paragraph 31.

"'James is my one true friend.' I pronounced..." (paragraph 33). "I pronounced" is not a sentence by itself, because it is a dialogue tag, and therefore part of the entire sentence. Correction: "'James is my one true friend,' I pronounced..." Along with that, you began to describe Monica's friends in depth later on in the chapter. It's great that you are taking the time to paint a visual for your readers, but it's best to sprinkle this information in so your readers are soaking in the information—without feeling like they have to suffer through an entire paragraph. If you hit them with this information all at once, your readers won't remember it all. For example, you can start describing James after you bring him into the dialogue, "James is my one true friend." You can describe James' reaction to that statement and tie in what he looks like to his personality. For example, after that statement, you could say something such as "James studied me curiously with his large glasses, pushing back his wavy brown hair. His hazel eyes revealed the sarcasm in his eyes as he opened his mouth and said..." While this isn't your entire description, you have a whole story to sprinkle in slowly what James' skin color is, or whether he's cute in a dorky way. The same applies to the rest of your characters.

In paragraph 37, I love how you've summarized each character in a simplified way so your readers could understand which character filled which role.

I love how you've ended the chapter in paragraph 47. However, I suggest capitalizing the word "anonymous" because then it will serve as a double meaning for your characters; by capitalizing it, you are insinuating that they will no longer be anonymous, and they won't truly be able to be Anonymous as the band any longer (seeing as the purpose of the band was to stay anonymous).

In paragraph 2, "Kidding" does not have to be capitalized because it is not a certain, person, place, or thing; or the first word of a sentence. I also loved how you've hooked in your readers in your first paragraph with your humor.

In paragraph 15, replace the all caps with italics to convey the same emphasis while still managing to look professional for your readers.

In paragraphs 21, 23, and 24, I suggest replacing the all caps with italics.

In paragraph 25, remember that when someone new is speaking, you need to start a new paragraph. So when Katy responds with, "There you are, darling!" it should be starting as a new paragraph.

"'No.' I said firmly." (paragraph 27). Remember that "I said firmly" is not a sentence by itself, it it part of the dialogue sentence. The period should be replaced by a comma. Correction: "'No,' I said firmly."

Also in paragraph 27, you wrote that the dress was "bad enough" twice. Your readers will catch this repetition, and it may catch them off guard. You don't need to point out twice how horrible the dress is because your readers will already get the gist of it. Along with that, try to replace the all caps with italics.

In paragraph 32, try to write out numbers to look more professional for your readers.

"A small stubble was growing on his chin." (paragraph 32). Stubble is not one individual thing. Despite what it may look like, stubble is used as a plural word. Correction: "Stubble was growing on his chin."

"He walked up to the entrance, where Katy and I stood and surveyed us, as annoyed expression on his face." (paragraph 33). It looks like you have a typo here. "As" should really be "an." Along with that, you have an unnecessary comma. Correction: "He walked up to the entrance where Katy and I stood and surveyed us, an annoyed expression on his face."

"'It's a p-pleasure to finally meet you, sir.' She said..." (paragraph 36). Again, "she said" is not a sentence by itself, it belongs to the dialogue sentence. By using a period, you are indicating that "She said" is a new sentence. Since it isn't, "she" should also not be capitalized. Correction: "'It's a p-pleasure to finally meet you, sir,' she said..."

In paragraph 42, you have the same problem as I previously mentioned for paragraph 36. Can you find it? If not, please let me know and I will help you.

In paragraph 44, remember to write out numbers. "5" should be written as "five."

You also have a typo in paragraph 44. Look carefully, and you will find it.

In paragraph 45, remember to write out numbers.

In paragraph 46, you have the same problem as paragraph 42. The dialogue tag is still part of the dialogue sentence, so "She" should not be capitalized since it is not the start of a new sentence.

"Katy smiled on us proudly..." (paragraph 47). What do you mean by this sentence? Don't you mean: "Katy smiled at us proudly..."?

"'Now, our local band, consisting of Monica Brown, Lily Williams, James Kennedy, and Jimmy Davis!'" (paragraph 49). This is an incomplete sentence. By saying "Now," you are insinuating an action. However, you've ended the sentence without saying what they will do. You are essentially saying, "Now, the band."

Amazing way to end the chapter. I started laughing when I read the last sentence. You did a wonderful job at incorporating humor into the end to keep your readers reading.

"Jimmy, James, Lily and I ran off stage..." (paragraph 2). This sentence is kind of a mouthful. Your readers already know that it was James, Jimmy, and Lily on stage, so you don't need to mention that they each ran off by name. You can just say, "We ran off stage..."

"That's when a welcome intervention came, in the form of a petite woman, with long black hair and brown eyes." (paragraph 7). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "That's when a welcome intervention came in the form of a petite woman, with long black hair and brown eyes."

In paragraph 10, "she said" is not a new sentence by itself, it is still part of the dialogue sentence. Therefore, you should end the dialogue with a comma and rewrite "she" as a lowercase word.

You have the same problem in paragraph 11. "I said" is not a paragraph by itself, so you should replace the period in the dialogue with a comma to indicate that the dialogue and the dialogue tag is one whole sentence.

Again, in paragraph 12, "the woman said" is not a sentence by itself. You did a good job at not capitalizing "the," but the dialogue should still end in a comma and not a period. Check paragraph 13 as well, the same mistake happens there. Also in paragraph 13, I suggest you replace the all caps with italics.