Cassia Sencen is the sister of Keefe Sencen. Her mother, Lady Gisela, has raised Cassia to be just like her, but when Cass manifests as the most powerful Beguiler in the Elvin world and becomes best friends with Sophie Foster, she's a different person. Cassia has always wanted to be like her big brother, and she's shifting in that direction. Cass is breaking her mother and father's rules left and right without them even noticing... this could only end in disaster for everyone.

You have a nice picture here, with your title and name on the cover. What you're lacking, however, is creativity. What type of fonts can you use? What colors can they be, and how can you present them on the cover? What about the picture? What ways can you crop them or add filters? If you feel like you don't have the abilities to create a good cover, there are lots of cover artists on Wattpad you can go to.

This title can work. Since it's the name of your main character, it's easy for your readers to make the connection. However, I feel that this isn't the best title for your story. It doesn't accurately represent your plot or storyline, and it doesn't have the right ring to it. As you continue to write your story, you may find that a quote from your story may come to mind, or you can brainstorm new title ideas that appeal to you the most.

Your blurb is clean of any grammatical and spelling errors, and I do enjoy how it is short and concise. So let's take the time to focus on your sentence structure and clarity. Your writing here is all over the place. It's hard to make sense of what your plot is, and you could work more on rephrasing your sentences and tighten them. Try making a three-bullet-point list with the main events of your story. One could be what triggers the story; or what sets the story off. In this instance, it could be that Cassia Sencen is tired of being just like her mother (and I suggest not listing extra names here because your readers don't need to know the nitty-gritty details yet). Another could be that she manifests as the most powerful Beguiler in the Elvin world. The third is that she's beginning to break away from her parents' rules, and this could only end in disaster for everyone. Then, using these three details, turn them into a blurb. Experiment with your diction and try to tighten your sentences. Get rid of unnecessary filler words and make each sentence the best it can be. Your hook should be powerful and captivating. Again, don't mention names (Lady Gisela, Keefe Sencen, Sophie Foster, etc) because your readers will be confused by all of this, and they don't need names yet, do they? If you take a look at my blurb for Lavender Liars, you can see that I only use one name; Violet Gray (and she's the main character). Lots of other authors use this method; you want your blurb to be as clear as it can be.

As far as I can see, your hook is grammatically correct, and easy to understand. However, I can already tell that you struggle with the rule to show, not tell. You used the hook as an opportunity to info-dump, which is giving away unnecessary background information. There is a time and place to inform your readers of a certain history, and this was not the time. You shouldn't have to explain to your readers about the dynamics of Cassia's relationship with her brother and mother. Take advantage of your creativity. What is a better way to showcase this without directly saying it? You could start off with a flashback. "When I was five years old, this happened. [go more into depth here]. And now, something years later, I'm still stuck in this mindset..." This is a more interesting way to introduce your character to your readers. Readers love memories, and it'll hook them till the end.

For the most part, it looks like you nailed down your understanding of comma. I've hardly spotted any misused or missing commas. However, you tend to confuse yourself with your punctuation at the end of a dialogue sentence. If there is a dialogue tag at the end of your dialogue (such as "he/she said"), it is still part of the sentence; the dialogue can end in any punctuation except a period. If there is an action tag at the end of your dialogue (such as "I walked away" or "she sniffled," essentially describing an action), it is the start of the new sentence; so the first word of the sentence should be capitalized, and the dialogue should end in any punctuation except a comma. An example: "'I'm sorry,' she said." Here, I have not capitalized "she" because it is still part of the sentence (there is a dialogue tag after the dialogue), and I have ended the dialogue with a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't over yet. Another example: "'I'm sorry.' She sniffled." Here, I have capitalized "she" because it is a new sentence, and I ended the dialogue in a period to signify that the sentence is complete. (this is an action tag after a dialogue.) This mistake happens frequently throughout your first five chapters.

Excellent effort here! Through reading your story, I wasn't able to catch any spelling errors. I can clearly see that you've gone through and thoroughly edited your work. Just in case (if you don't already), I suggest you write your story on a Google doc or Word document and save it as a PDF. That way, when you read your story in a different format, your brain won't be used to your writing and you can look at your writing through a new perspective (and catch more mistakes that way).

I like the idea you're going with here, but I can see the path wavering. It looks like you aren't really sure what this book is going to be about yourself (your blurb also reflects this). What is the major event here? If I haven't been able to sense any rising action or triggering action/motive by your first five chapters, it means your pace is too slow. What is the goal your character needs to work for? You should establish that as soon as possible.

I don't know what your characters look like. The only hint I get is from the photos you use at the top of your chapters, but you shouldn't have to rely on that to get a visual across. Try vividly describing what Sophia or Fitz looks like (without overdoing it). I didn't get a strong idea of their personality, only the vague idea that Sophia was shy and Fitz was more outgoing. Because of this, I didn't get a sense of connection and no bonds were formed. Don't be afraid to tap in their feelings; your readers will want this. Along with that, you describe in Cassia's voice that she hates that her mother is making her be more like her and wants to be more like her brother. But then you went on to describe Cassia's achievements, and that she wanted her mother to like her, and she actually chose to be this way; and her brother Reefe is just a troublemaker with a lot of detention slips. If you want Cassia to look underachieving with what she really wants, don't contradict yourself. It's like calling someone ugly, then describing them in a flattering way.

I can see a lot of potential here! You have a clear voice and it was easy to get sucked into your writing. I have noticed, however, a lot of repetition in your words. Even if you repeat the same word just twice in the same chapter, your readers will probably notice. And three times? Four? They'll start to wonder what other words are in your dictionary. They might even get annoyed with you. To avoid this, be on the hunt for new vocabulary words. What I love to do is read other stories, find what techniques the authors use, and find new vocabulary words that I like, incorporating it into my writing. Don't be afraid to twist in some prose; similes, metaphors, and sensory details don't hurt either.

For the most part, your story flow was very natural and gradual. There were some spots where I was confused. You have to clearly establish that time has passed when time has passed. Or else, your readers will get confused and wonder where and how the time flew by without them even knowing. Keep this in mind for future writing. You could easily just start off with, "It had been a few weeks, and..."

Again, in your first few paragraphs, this is a lot of info-dumping. Maybe you could explain how the mother treats Cassia during her morning routine, when she's doing her hair or something. Perhaps you could start off with Keefe defying his mother in public, and Cassia could be jealous of his freedom. Whatever you do, don't explain your character's scene, setting, and history. You have to show it.

For your prologue, you're writing it as though writing in a diary. Remember that you are writing a story. You should have prose. Vivid descriptions and carefully structured sentences are a must. Telling a story is explaining one's surroundings, their feelings, and their character. Your prologue here is missing all of these points. You could go in more depth about her jealousy, and don't be afraid to use similes, metaphors, and sensory detail.

"Where Mom can't reach me, Keefe and I are exactly alike." (paragraph 2). Here, I believe "where" should be replaced with "when" to have a better effect on your readers. Correction/Suggestion: "When Mom can't reach me, Keefe and I are exactly alike." Again, you could also elaborate on this. Don't just say she likes doing something, show it.

"There was a new girl at Foxfire, in my year." (paragraph 3). Keep in mind that your story is set in present tense, but you slipped up and wrote in past tense. Correction: "There is a new girl at Foxfire, in my year." Again, don't say that there's a new girl, show it. Your readers want to be part of the action. Maybe as she was settling in her seat, a new girl entered the classroom.

"But this was pretty normal, I tend to get lost in thought, so I wasn't fazed." (paragraph 5). You could separate these clauses into several sentences for a better structure. Suggestion: "But this was pretty normal. I tend to get lost in thought, so I wasn't fazed." Along with that, you have two different tenses in this sentence.

"Keefe said," (paragraph 6). You don't have the right punctuation here. The comma should be replaced with a period, because the dialogue that comes after is its own sentence.

In paragraph 10, you're missing punctuation at the end of your dialogue sentence.

In paragraph 11, you already ended the dialogue with the punctuation "!" so you don't need to put a period after it, or you're basically using two punctuations for the same sentence (which would be incorrect).

"He declared" (paragraph 17). The "he" shouldn't be capitalized because it isn't the start of the new sentence. I'm confused as well. You wrote your prologue in present tense, but began chapter one in past tense. You need to choose one, and stick with it. Along with that, a prologue is typically used to describe a past event that is indirectly related to the conflict of your story, and sets the story off. You used the prologue simply to inform your readers of background information, and it frankly has nothing to do with your story at all. I suggest you get rid of the prologue entirely since it's being misused and instead sprinkle the background information in your story where it is necessary.

In paragraph 17, you have tense slip-ups.

I'm seeing the word "shouted" a lot in this chapter. Make sure to eliminate repetitive words and focus more on broadening your vocabulary/diction.

In paragraph 21, "He" should not be capitalized. Again, "He said..." is part of the sentence, not the start of a new sentence. There is no need for capitalization.

You have the wrong punctuation at the end of the dialogue sentence in paragraph 24. "He informed us smugly" is part of the sentence. Therefore, the period in the dialogue sentence should be replaced with a comma, and "he" should not be capitalized.

Keep in mind that new paragraphs should start when new people are speaking. When Cassia is speaking, you don't need to separate her words into two paragraphs.

For Sophie, "beautiful brown eyes" is a really generic description. It's an overused phrase, and it doesn't really give a good visual for your readers. A lot of people have brown eyes. So how are Sophie's eyes different from other people? How do they stand out?

In paragraph 22, you have the wrong punctuation at the end of your dialogue sentence. The comma should be replaced with a period. There is an action tag at the end of the dialogue ("Mom sniffed.") which means that at the end of the dialogue, the punctuation should never end in a comma.

"Beguilers, however, are much rarer." (paragraph 26). You have a tense slip-up here. Along with that, I suggest that you rephrase this sentence. Correction/Suggestion: "Beguilers, however, were much more rare."

You have more tense slip-ups in paragraph 26, so make sure to correct those and look through the rest of your chapter thoroughly.

In paragraph 30, you have more tense slip-ups.

"I took a few more steps forward and carefully sat down next to him." (paragraph 32). This comma here isn't entirely necessary. Correction: "I took a few more steps forward and carefully sat down next to him." You also have more tense slip-ups here.

In paragraph 38, you unnecessarily capitalized "He." It isn't the start of a new sentence.

"In his defense, I was literally jumping up and down, like a very enthusiastic baby bunny." (paragraph 1). There's an unnecessary comma here. Along with that, Keefe was the one who was teasing Cassia. So isn't he on the offense, and not the defense?

In paragraph 4, "He told me" is not the start of a new sentence. It is still part of the previous sentence, so the capitalization is unnecessary here.

You have the wrong punctuation at the end of your dialogue sentence in paragraph 7. The period in the dialogue should be replaced with a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't over, since "Keefe said from behind me" is part of the same sentence.

"I was grinning like a complete idiot." (paragraph 10). Here, you are using a passive voice. I suggest you describe the verb and action directly rather than cushioning it with filler words. Correction/Suggestion: "I grinned like a complete idiot."

In paragraph 15, "She asked me" is not the start of a new sentence. "She" shouldn't be capitalized. Along with that, you have more tense slip-ups.

In paragraph 17, you also have unnecessary capitalization in a dialogue tag. Can you find it? Along with that, more tense slip-ups.

In paragraph 19, you have the wrong punctuation in "I don't think so," The comma should be replaced with a period because "Biana shrugged" is not part of the sentence; it is an action tag and not directly related to the dialogue.

"She was smiling at me." (paragraph 20). Again, you can tighten this sentence and describe the action directly. Correction/Suggestion: "She smiled at me." Along with that, what does Dame Aline look like?

In paragraph 26, you have unnecessary capitalization.

Same problem in paragraph 32.

"They were all ignoring the fact that we were about to be late for announcements." (paragraph 35). Again, this sentence can be tightened. Suggestion/Correction: "They all ignored the fact that we were about to be late for announcements."

Paragraphs 41 and 42 can be combined because the same person is speaking here.

In paragraph 44, you have unnecessary capitalization.

I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but I suggest you fix and correct the word "kind" in paragraph 47).

The third to last paragraph, you have two punctuations. You wrote: "'Oof!'," The coma is unneeded here because "!" is already a punctuation mark.

In paragraph 11, you have unnecessary capitalization. "She yelled" is not the start of a new sentence.

You have tense slip-ups in paragraph 12. I'm finding these errors to be frequent, so make sure to go through your chapters thoroughly and fix these mistakes.

The word "intoned" is becoming repetitive here. There are other synonyms you could replace it with, but try to broaden your vocabulary to enhance your writing and not bore your readers.

In paragraph 15, you have another capitalization issue.

Same problem in paragraph 17. This happens a lot, so keep my suggestions in mind for future writing.

You have several tense slip-ups in paragraph 20.

In paragraph 24, you have a capitalization issue.

In paragraph 33, you have the wrong punctuation at the end of your dialogue sentence. You have an action tag (when someone does something after/when they speak), which means it's a new sentence. The comma in the sentence should be replaced with a period.

In paragraph 34, "He yelped" shouldn't be capitalized because it isn't the start of a new sentence.

In paragraph 48, you have a capitalization issue.

In paragraph 50, you finished the paragraph with an incomplete sentence.

In paragraph 55, you have a capitalization issue.

Same problem in paragraph 57.

The "of" in paragraph 1 should be omitted.

Wait...how much time has passed? Didn't Cassia just meet Sophia? And suddenly, she's familiarized herself with Sophia's house? If a certain amount of time has passed, try to make it more clear for your readers.

In paragraph 11, you have unnecessary capitalization. (at this point, I'm just copying and pasting my suggestions). Try to go through all of your chapters to find these mistakes.

In paragraph 34, "I said" should end with a period and not a comma. It is the end of the sentence.

You have a capitalization issue in paragraph 37.

Same issue in paragraph 40.

Also in paragraph 44.

Also in paragraph 47

... you get the idea.