"Demons are like obedient dogs. They come when they are called..." The witch stops with a wicked smile "And I was called just like the rest."

Nobody goes into the Forbidden Forest. No matter what. You never go. Nobody goes into the forest where magic leaks like a tap that will never close. Nobody goes where the witch lives. Nobody comes out alive if they do.

But Jae-Ho had no choice to venture into that wretched forest. He had no choice but to steal from his garden. He had no choice in anything at all. And he had no idea how far the consequences would go.

"Hate in return for love, great pain in return for great health, sorrows in return for eternal joy, death in return for a life, sacrifice in return for power. I do all this, just for you. So tell me dearest Jae-Ho, how am I cruel when I give you what you want?"

Your cover is lovely, and a vast improvement from your first cover. The images are a bit blurry, but then again it's hard to find good pictures for face claims. Your cover makes your story much more approachable to your readers, so I'm sure you'll find better success with your readers.

Your title makes sense. I can tell that it's related to your story, and it's very poetic sounding. You could always experiment with different titles and different structures for this title, and find the one that you like the most. Or you could also use a mysterious title or quote from your story that your reader can have a lightbulb moment with. If not, that's fine. Your title relates to the story, and although a little long, it's a good title! (if you couldn't notice, I have the same feedback here as your first review since your title remained the same).

Your blurb here is clear and is much better from your first one! You've gotten rid of unnecessary information. One thing is that I suggest you focus on your second paragraph. I've noticed that the structure you use for your sentences are repetitive. I'm aware that this is intentional, but you can still use the same structure with different variations of it. Along with that, some sentences were still unnecessary and could be tightened. For example, "You never go" isn't really necessary, and can be removed. In this case, adding words such as "and" would have a nice ring to it. Such as writing a sentence as "And nobody comes out alive if they do" and adding the and adds a note of finality to your writing.

I've noticed that you've incorporated prose into your writing for the hook. You set the scene, setting, and mood for your story, immediately transporting your readers into Jae-Ho's mind. It's absolutely lovely, and your descriptions are as vivid as always!

You have six kinds of mistakes I've noticed. The first and most important are your punctuation and capitalization errors. Often, you end your dialogue in the wrong punctuation and capitalize unnecessary words that come after it. Keep in mind that for a dialogue, if there's a dialogue tag after it (he said, she said, etc), then the punctuation can end in anything except a period; since the dialogue tag is still a continuation of a sentence. If there's an action tag after it (she walked away, he grinned, etc), then your punctuation can end in anything except a comma; since the action tag is its own sentence. An example of a dialogue and dialogue tag is: "'I hate you,' she said." Did you notice that this is one whole sentence, and the word "she" isn't capitalized? An example of a dialogue and action tag is: "'I hate you.' She shook her head and walked away." Did you notice that these are two different sentences, and "she" is capitalized, since it's the beginning of a new sentence?

Another problem is your apostrophes. I've noticed this mistake to be frequent throughout your chapters. You have apostrophes on unnecessary words, such as "see's" and "tree's." Make sure to go thoroughly through your chapters and correct these.

I've also noticed an excessive use of adjectives and adverbs. You either have a long list of words, such as "red, green, purple, yellow, and hints of gold in the sky..." These descriptions contain way too many adjectives, and should be shortened to at most three. Along with that, I suggest instead of using an adverb (a word describing a verb) to cushion a weak verb, use a stronger verb to replace both. For example, "She ran quickly" is weak. A better alternative to tighten the sentence would be: "She sprinted."

Lastly, your use of commas attracted my attention. You often string together many clauses that end up being two paragraphs long. I suggest ending a sentence and starting another, instead of putting them all in one long sentence. Along with that, you're often missing commas. Keep in mind that the basic rule of using commas is that they separate the several "topics" of your sentence. For example, we have the sentence, "She gasped tears filling her eyes." We have two clauses or "topics" here. One is that she gasped. The second is that tears filled her eyes. In order to not confuse your readers, you need to separate the two. Correction: "She gasped, tears filling her eyes."

Excellent job here! I didn't find any spelling errors here. Then again, I was sitting for about five hours doing this, so I probably missed something. If you don't already, I suggest using ProWritingAid. It's the perfect writing site to help you catch your spelling errors and grammar errors. Along with that, it'll help you restructure your sentences and separate them into more clear phrases.

You are definitely on the right track, twisting the tale of Rapunzel with your own ideas and turning it into your own. There weren't as many distractions as before, but there was still a lot of unnecessary background information here. Remember that background information should only be presented when the situation calls for it. When a girl's mother dies, then would be a good time to describe her relationship with her mother in detail. Only describe the background when called for, or else your reader will most likely skip it.

I didn't get a lot of personality from your characters. I didn't really get to connect with your characters in the personality department. What are they like, really? What flaws do they have? I felt very disconnected here. What skills will they acquire? These are all important things that the reader will want to know in order to build a strong connection to your characters. This is definitely all an improvement from when I first reviewed your characters, but you have so much unnecessary prose that it's hard to focus here.

What's unique about your writing is that you have such a unique writing voice. You have gorgeous prose and vivid descriptions. The main problem here is that you have too many of them. I've read you describing the trees at least four times while reading your story so far. If you describe it once, you don't need to describe it again. Along with that, you tend to ramble and write really long sentences. This makes it hard for your readers to understand your writing, so I suggest focusing on really shortening/tightening your sentences and be more straight-forward here.

Your transitions here were much more smooth, and I could see each thing leading towards the main plot of your story. There was still a lot of unnecessary information and sudden transitions, however. It looks like you struggled at times to move a scene along, and often used words such as "then," and "soon." Try to incorporate smoother transitions. This will improve as you continue to write.

"... and every single story makes his blood curdle, twisting his guts painfully." (p.1). Here, I suggest you replace the comma with a semicolon; however, it's not required or necessary.

"The forest itself is absolutely stunning, the absolute pure and raw beauty of the forest could captivate anyone." (p.2). In this sentence, I suggest you add a conjunction (and) because you're listing different clauses here. This isn't a dependent clause, these are independent clauses and present different topics indirectly related. Correction: "The forest itself is absolutely stunning, and the absolutely pure and raw beauty of the forest could captivate anyone."

"Even the soil looked rich and divine and so pleasantly ancient as the shadows of the trees darkened it's soft-brown colour further." (p.2). Your story is set in present tense, but you slipped up and wrote in past tense here. Along with that, there shouldn't be an apostrophe in the word "its" because then you're saying "it is", which doesn't fit into the context of your story. Correction: "Even the soil looks rich and divine and so pleasantly ancient as the shadows of the trees darken its soft-brown colour further."

Throughout your entire chapter, you have a lot of tense slip-ups. You should only tense-shift if you're describing the past. Words such as "was" and "didn't" should be replaced with "is" and "doesn't."

"But then it's morning and the trees are all glimmering goldens and oranges and plum-purples and wine-reds and bottle-greens." (p.5). You're missing commas here, and you could tighten this sentence. You have too many color examples here, I suggest narrowing down to at most three. Correction: "But then it's morning, and the trees all glimmer with goldens, plum-purples, and bottle-greens."

In paragraph 8, you say, "He remembers rushing inside and screaming her name at the top of his lungs." By using the word "in," you're implying that Jae-Ho goes inside. But he's actually entering the forest, so you should say, "He remembers stumbling into the forest and..."

I've noticed that the word "shouted" is becoming repetitive in paragraph 8. What are some synonyms for it? You could use roared, hollered, etc.

In paragraph 14 and 15 and 16, you have some tense slip-ups. Try to correct these.

Paragraph 18 can be broken down into several sentences. Instead of stringing together endless clauses separated by commas, use periods and start new sentences. If you don't, it essentially turns into a run-on sentence.

"Jae-Ho is quite fond of the Western Forest however." (p.24). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Jae-Ho is quite fond of the Western Forest, however."

"Jae-Ho had exclaimed, his voice loud, and so filled with worry and guilt." (p.37). You have an unnecessary filler word and comma here. Correction: "Jae-Ho had exclaimed, his voice loud and filled with worry and guilt."

"'Come with me! I think my mum can help you!' He had told her, grabbing hold of her hand and dragging her with him." (p.43). In this sentence, "He" shouldn't be capitalized, because it isn't the start of the sentence; it's a continuation of the dialogue sentence. Correction: "'Come with me! I think my mum can help you!' he had told her, grabbing hold of her hand and dragging her with him."

"I'll give you one to..." (p.47). The word "to" here should be replaced with "too."

During your italicized passage, you're writing about the past, so it's okay to use past tense. But you often slip-up and write it in present tense. You need to correct this.

"'Okay,' She said, "I like that." (p.49). Here, there are two sentences. One is "'Okay,' she said" and the other is "I like that." The word "she" shouldn't be capitalized because it isn't the start of a new sentence, and "She said" should end in a period since "I like that" is its own sentence. Correction/suggestion: "'Okay,' she said. "I'd like that."

I've noticed that you often use transition words to continue on the scene, such as starting a paragraph with "Soon," and "Then." This sounds very factual, as though you're writing an essay. I suggest that you refrain from using these and instead come up with more creative ways to move the scene along.

"'Hello honey,' His mother starts..." (p.61). You're missing a comma here, and this is one whole sentence so "His" shouldn't be capitalized. Correction: "'Hello, honey,' his mother starts..."

"'Thank you,' She had murmured into the crook of his shoulder." (p.72). Here, you have a capitalization error. Correction: "'Thank you,' she had murmured into the crook of his shoulder."

In paragraph 7, you have a capitalization error. "She" shouldn't be capitalized because it isn't the start of a new sentence.

"She furrows her brows and suddenly her features are softer and gentler as she looks at him in concern, 'You seem sad, why are you sad Blue?'" (p.10). These are two separate sentences, so the comma should be replaced with a period after the first sentence. I've also noticed that you use a passive voice often, writing that something was done by someone rather than someone did something. I suggest cleaning up and tightening those sentences, and you're missing a comma in the dialogue as well. Correction: "She furrows her brows and suddenly her features soften and become gentle as she looks at him in concern. 'You seem sad, why are you sad, Blue?'"

"'I'm not sad, just worried. Just worried is all.' Jae-Ho lies through gritted teeth." (p.11). This is one sentence, so the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period.

"'You won't die.' He whispers..." (p.41). You have the same problem here. Correction: "You won't die,' he whispers..."

"Midnight didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this." (p.43). You've slipped up in your tense here. Correction: "Midnight doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve any of this."

In paragraph 45, you have an abnormally long sentence. I suggest you break it up into several sentences. Along with that, keep in mind that commas should accompany adjectives when being listed.

"'Gemmi, forgive me please,' He had once whispered..." (p.58). The word "He" shouldn't be capitalized, because it isn't the start of a new sentence.

In your first paragraph, you have a tense slip-up. This happens often throughout your chapters, so make sure to go through and correct all of these.

"Jae-Ho see's it..." (p.19). The apostrophe shouldn't be here. Correction: "Jae-Ho sees it..."

In paragraph 20, you write Jae-Ho as being fearful. You're very good with your vivid descriptions; however, you could use some work here. How is he fearful? Think about the hammering of his chest, and how panic seizes it in a blind moment of pure fear. Can you see how you can make this more of an experience for your readers?

"Jae-Ho smiles at her with a little grin..." (p.46). Here, you're essentially saying he smiles at her with a smile; you're repeating the same thing twice. I suggest that you shorten this and write, "Jae-Ho grins at her..."

"He crushes the berries until all that remains of them is the stalks and mixes them with the flower and berries." (p.49). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "He crushes the berries until all that remains of them are the stalks, and mixes them with the flower and berries." Also, you've misused a word. Make sure to use "are" instead of "is" since you're referring to something plural.

"'But I do want to die.' She rasps out dramatically." (p.56). This should be one sentence, not two. The period in the dialogue should be replaced with a comma, and the "she" shouldn't be capitalized since it's not a new sentence.

You're missing a comma in paragraph 64. Keep in mind that a sentence has several topics. You want to separate each topic with a comma to not confuse your readers. Along with that, commas usually accompany conjunctions (and, but, or, etc) so make sure to be on the look for those.

"The tree's watch him as he passes by..." (p.78). There should be no apostrophe here. I'm catching this kind of mistake frequently, so make sure to go through all your chapters and fix these.

"The soil crunch underneath his feet just to get him in trouble." (p.78). You've confused plural and singular. Obviously, you aren't referring to a single grain of soil; you're talking about a billion tiny specks of dirt, which is soil. Therefore, you need to write "crunch" as a plural word. Correction: "The soil crunches underneath his feet just to get him in trouble."

It looks like you have a lot of unnecessary descriptions throughout the chapter. You've vividly described the forest so many times, you don't need to keep describing it each time Jae-Ho passes through. It can get boring for your readers, since that isn't what they came for.

You tense-shift so many times throughout this chapter that about half of your writing is in present tense, and the other half is in past tense. Make sure to correct these as you go along.

"'Go. Give your Midnight a kiss from me, hmm?' The witch tells him." (p.198... I think?). Here, "the" shouldn't be capitalized since it isn't the start of a new sentence.

"'It's my fault,' She says." (p. I'm not even going to try to count). Here, "she" shouldn't be capitalized since it's not the start of a new sentence.

"The tree's scream..." (p. near the end). There shouldn't be an apostrophe here.

This chapter is so long that it took thirty minutes to read, thirty minutes to critique, and I also had to shorten my chapter review here. The length is so much better than last time, but there were so many good parts you could have left as a cliffhanger, and start a new chapter instead. Remember that one chapter should never go past 3000 words, and the desired length is usually around 1500-2000 for readers on the go.

In paragraph 2, you have a tense slip-up.

What I've noticed about your writing is that you tend to string a bunch of descriptive prose together, making it confusing to read and hard to untangle. I suggest taking away the amount of adjectives in your writing, and focus on tightening your sentences. It wouldn't hurt to shorten your sentences and separate a paragraph's worth of a sentence into several.

A lot of your descriptions are very repetitive in your chapters, and you reuse descriptions. Your reader probably gets the idea by now, so I suggest cutting back on those. For example, I've seen the description "burnt orange" too many times to count.