Carlie Gable doesn't know how to exist without her long-term boyfriend by her side. Carlie and Jacobo, that's how it has always been and the only way she can imagine their future. Her family treats him as their own and her friends wish they could find a boy like Jacobo Alcantara. But what happens when the boy voted prom king decides he no longer needs his queen?

Struggling to cope with the break-up, Carlie turns to the people around her for help, but when her best friend moves halfway across the world and her home life gets tough, she realises there is only one person she can really depend on - herself.

Follow Carlie as she juggles romance, friendship and school work whilst she discovers that sometimes things need to break before they can shine.

I was able to connect your cover and your story/title together. Your cover is very clean and organized, but lacks creativity. How can you make your cover stand out and look unique? What about experimenting with the font presentation/sizing/color/style? What about photo filters and placement? If you can't come up with ideas to experiment with your cover, you can also go to a cover designer on Wattpad.

From reading your first five chapters, I wasn't able to make a connection between the title and the story. However, I trust that you'll make a connection with the story later on. Other than that, your title is unique and seems to hold a symbolic meaning that I enjoy.

I was impressed with the conciseness and organization of your blurb. I got the gist of your story plot, and there weren't any grammatical errors littering your writing. One thing I suggest doing is separating your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. That way, it's easier to absorb information for your readers; with one small paragraph at a time.

The first line had me hooked. You dove straight into the story with the action triggering the story plot. It was short, snappy, and sharp. I just wanted to add that although this isn't part of your hook, I noticed as I went further into your story that you contradicted your own writing. In the beginning, you wrote how Jay was so nonchalant about his decision to break up with Carlie, but later on you had tears and you showed that he still cared about her. If he really did care for her, why was he so unemotional and normal about it in the beginning? The behavior doesn't match up, and unless he's faking the tears, you should try to stay consistent with portrayed emotions. If you're trying to make it seem as though he's hiding his feelings, try to portray and express the mood, because as a reader, it felt that he wasn't genuine with his words.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You also had a lot of comma mistakes. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

Speaking of commas, you additionally had an overwhelmingly large amount of comma splices. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

I also noticed your tense and capitalization mistakes. Your writing is set in present tense, so you should avoid words such as "didn't" and "wasn't", rather using "don't" and "isn't." You also got confused with which words to capitalize, particularly with titles. For example, you should only capitalize "Mum" when there isn't a subject pronoun in front of it. If you have the sentence, "I asked Mum to bring it to me," it is capitalized because of the lack of the subject pronoun. In the sentence, "I asked my mum to bring it to me," it isn't capitalized, because of the subject pronoun used.

While I didn't spot any typos, I found an excessive amount of filler words used, or you misused words in a sentence. Before posting your chapters on Wattpad, I highly suggest proof-reading and editing your chapters. Make your writing as clear as possible, and work on tightening/shortening unnecessarily long sentences.

I appreciated the concept you used here for your story. For the most part, it was well-paced, and I could sense the general build-up of the plot. You did have some parts where you didn't clearly express something, or diminished an important scene. You tended to explain serious, important scenes, rather than showing. Instead of writing that Carlie cried for hours after being dumped, write about her tears and her state of mind. Don't skip over these details. Because of the excessive filler words used and your grammatical mistakes, I often struggled to understand certain sentences as well. This took away from the plot, and I had to reread some paragraphs to break them down and understand them.

I didn't struggle to understand who was who in your story, and that I appreciated as well. However, you struggled to project different voices into them. No one is the same, and no one speaks the same. However, you had trouble giving different voices to your characters. They all spoke the same way. If you work on fixing your grammatical errors (mostly the comma splices), your readers will notice a more distinct difference with the voices of your characters. You also often described emotional scenes with a very distant mind. I could sense a wall between you as the author and the scene. Don't be afraid to write your heart out; your readers will notice if you don't. I'll elaborate on this more.

Continuing from above, your writing voice was lacking in several areas. You didn't use strong verbs or adjectives in your writing, and you had a very passive voice. This, in turn, didn't invoke many emotions within me while reading a very emotional story. Think of ways to visually describe something without overdoing it and think of writing as an art.

As I've mentioned before, you tended to shorten important scenes and lengthen filler scenes. You skipped over the emotional aspects of the writing and simply called it good after writing that your character had a good cry for a few hours. Your story pacing was very stilted and not very consistent. Try to be mindful of this when writing. Ask yourself if an important scene is long enough, or too long.

"Jay is staring at me..." (p.2). Here, you're using passive voice. Passive voice is saying that something has happened/something is happening, rather than just saying something happened/happens. You typically want to avoid passive voice, as it has a weaker impact on your readers. Suggestion: "Jay stares at me..."

"Perhaps I didn't hear him properly, I'm sure as hell that he wouldn't want to end this, it's perfect, one of the best things that I have in my life right now." (p.2). Here, you have a series of comma splices. A comma splice is joining two clauses together without a conjunction. This is incorrect, and in this case, you can either replace the commas with periods, or add a conjunction along with the comma. Correction: "Perhaps I didn't hear him properly. I'm sure as hell that he wouldn't want to end this. It's perfect, and one of the best things that I have in my life right now." (Suggestions can vary for comma splices in terms of corrections, but this correction is the one that I highly suggest using).

"But if he was, he'd tell me surely, we've been together for over three years." (p.4). Again, you have a comma splice, and I'm seeing this mistake often already. Along with that, you have a tense slip-up. Since you're writing the majority of this in present tense, make sure to stay consistent with it. Correction: "But if he is, he'd surely tell me. We've been together for over three years." I also mixed the organization of certain filler words, and this is optional.

"Say something please." (p.6). You need a comma here. Correction: "Say something, please."

"Suddenly I notice that I am too." (p.15). You need a comma here. The main clause is "I notice I that I am," and "suddenly" and "too" are separate from the clause. Correction: "Suddenly, I notice that I am, too."

"He kisses the top of my head, 'Believe me, I've been thinking about this for weeks and I wish you could, but I need to be alone to figure this out.'" (p.18). The action tag that comes before the dialogue should be a separate sentence, and the dialogue shouldn't be a continuation of the sentence. That means the comma should be replaced with a period. Correction: "He kisses the top of my head. 'Believe me, I've been thinking about this for weeks and I wish you could, but I need to be alone to figure this out.'"

"In year 7 I dated Spencer Morgan, it was the best two-week relationship I ever had, he was the most popular boy in school and he bought me a DS game." (p.23). You have comma splices here. Without ending/starting new sentences or adding proper conjunctions, you're simply joining endless strings of clauses together. Correction: "In year seven, I dated Spencer Morgan. It was the best two-week relationship I ever had. He was the most popular boy in school, and he bought me a DS game." I also added necessary commas, and I suggest writing out numbers if they're between one and ten.

"'He cheated on me.' I had said so seriously but in year 7 that meant he gave Abbie Bennett a daisy chain." (p.28). You need commas here. There are three clauses here that should be separated. Since the dialogue is accompanied by a dialogue tag, the dialogue tag is a continuation of the sentence. You need to replace the period at the end of the dialogue with a comma to indicate that the sentence continues. Correction: "'He cheated on me,' I had said so seriously, but in year seven, that meant he gave Abbie Bennett a daisy chain."

"My phone is buzzing in my pocket, three missed calls from my Mum, 'Hello?' I say, managing to answer before she rings off." (p.33). You're using passive voice here. You also have a comma splice, and the action tag should be separated as a separate sentence from the dialogue. Correction: "My phone buzzes in my pocket. Three missed calls from my mum, 'Hello?' I say, managing to answer before she rings off." You'll also notice that I didn't capitalize "mum," as you have a subject pronoun in front of it, "my." If you write "mum" without a subject pronoun "my/your/her/his/their" then you should capitalize it.

"I miss the hour long facetime calls we had daily and the nights where we'd both fall asleep on the phone." (p.52). You need a hyphen, and "FaceTime" needs to be capitalized. Correction: "I miss the hour-long FaceTime calls we had daily and the nights where we'd both fall asleep on the phone."

"Oh God. School." (p.53). You need a comma here. Correction: "Oh, God. School."

"I know, I'll do my make-up, get dressed into those leggings he always said I looked good in and saunter into school a little later—I'll say I had the dentist." (p.54). You have comma splices here, and you're missing commas. You also have an unnecessary hyphen, and it seems that you forgot to complete the sentence. Correction: "I know. I'll do my makeup, get dressed into those leggings he always said I looked good in, and saunter into school a little later—I'll say I had a dentist appointment."

"I feel my cheeks burning and I can't help but look down at the ground, I know I look good but he isn't the audience I'm hoping to appreciate it, 'Thank you, I've got to get going, I'm forty-five minutes late to Maths.'" (p.59). You have comma splices here. Along with that, the action tag coming before the dialogue should be a separate sentence. You're missing a necessary filler word, and you need a comma as well. Correction: "I feel my cheeks burning, and I can't help but look down at the ground. I know I look good, but he isn't the audience I'm hoping for to appreciate it. 'Thank you. I've got to get going, I'm forty-five minutes late to Maths.'"

Although you initially capitalized "Maths," you didn't stick with the capitalization. You need to stay consistent with your capitalizations later in your chapter, as there were times where you didn't capitalize it.

"Once we are sat..." (p.1). The phrasing of this sentence is awkward. I suggest avoiding the use of passive voice. Suggestion: "Once we sit..."

"Well, his hoodie is very comfortable so thank you." (p.6). You need a comma here. Correction: "Well, his hoodie is very comfortable, so thank you."

"I can get my Mum to come and pick you up if you need her to." (p.17). Here, "mum" shouldn't be capitalized, as there is a subject pronoun in front of it. She's already specific in saying that it's her mum, so you don't need to capitalize it. Correction: "I can get my mum to come and pick you up if you need her to."

"'Carlie.' Spencer says, popping out of nowhere, 'I'm really sorry if I said anything to hurt you today, it was honestly just meant as a joke.'" (p.24). Since the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence, the punctuation should be replaced with a comma (to indicate that the sentence continues, and isn't over). You also have a comma splice. Correction: "'Carlie,' Spencer says, popping out of nowhere. 'I'm really sorry if I said anything to hurt you today. It was honestly just meant as a joke.'"

"Thank you Miss." (p.36). You need a comma here. Correction: "Thank you, Miss."

"It's spitting with rain..." (p.40). The phrasing of this sentence is awkward. What is spitting with rain? I suggest you rewrite this as, "The sky is spitting out rain..."

"It's not until I'm walking up the drive, kicking the chippings as I go, that I notice." (p.46). Notice what? This sentence is incomplete, and you should include the next sentence with this one.

"Your Dad has some news." (p.60). Here, "dad" shouldn't be capitalized as it's accompanied with a subject pronoun. Correction: "Your dad has some news."

"'Luke, Dad's home.' I say, reaching the end of our street..." (p.3). Since the dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag, this should be one whole sentence. By ending the dialogue with a period, you're essentially saying that the dialogue tag is its own, separate sentence, when it isn't. You should replace the period with a comma. Correction: "'Luke, Dad's home,' I say, reaching the end of our street..."

"I mean it doesn't take a genius to work out that this would be the likely outcome it would lead to." (p.7). You need commas here. Correction: "I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work out that this would be the likely outcome it would lead to."

"Luke's childish giggle echoes through the phone, 'When has Dad ever stuck to his word about things like that? Remember when he told us that he was finally going to settle down and find a nice wife and the next woman he dated was a twenty-two year old.'" (p.11). The comma before the dialogue needs to be replaced with a period, as the action tag is its own sentence. You also phrased this as a question, so it should end as one. Correction: "Luke's childish giggle echoes through the phone. 'When has Dad ever stuck to his word about things like that? Remember when he told us that he was finally going to settle down and find a nice wife, and the next woman he dated was a twenty-two-year-old?'" I also added necessary hyphens.