Bad news everyone, there's a killer vampire on the loose. The vampire, codenamed Night Reaper, has a death count of roughly ten thousand, and unless he's stopped, he will kill thousands more.

In response to the grave threat, governing angel Rigel sends a mortal, Amelia Garcia, on a quest. Eager to prove her worth and conquer her fears, Amelia ventures to the supernatural world in search of the great hero Death Meister.

All the while, something far more sinister lurks in the dark places of the world. Something so powerful and malevolent that it threatens the world and the gods who've sworn to protect it.

This new cover is an improvement from your cover before. However, there are still some things I'd like to address. Have you thought about the placement of the photo, and what kind of filters or graphics you might want to have? The title should easily be the largest text on the cover as well, and I didn't see creativity in the placement or font of the title. If you choose to change the font, think about what fonts go with what genre and how to make your title stand out. You can also take a look at the cover shops on my reading list—there are some excellent cover designers on Wattpad who will gladly take a request from you.

I enjoy the uniqueness of your title, and I can tell you put a lot of thought to it. However, it won't attract a lot of audiences. It doesn't hint towards the genre your story is in, and the title is vague/generic. You can certainly keep it as it is, but if any other ideas come to mind throughout the story (such as specific people, symbolic objects, a special place, or a repetitive phrase), keep your mind open to those ideas, and find which are the most appealing to you. (Copied and pasted from previous review).

I was impressed by the conciseness and clarity of your blurb. You stated the triggering act and the general plot within your blurb, and I was easily able to skim through and understand the story genre. I also got a taste for your writing style and wit. A few things I'd like to point out are that you should try to avoid repetition. For example, you already addressed that there was a vampire on the loose, so for your next sentence, you don't need to say "vampire" again because potential readers will understand from the context that Night Reaper is the killer vampire. I suggest you start the second sentence as, "The codenamed Night Reaper has a death count..." or something like that. I found that the ending of your blurb was a bit lacking as well, because I didn't get a sense of closure from it. It's a good hint/teaser for the contents of your story, but it felt as though there was something missing. I suggest tying up the events mentioned in order to close up your blurb. These suggestions, of course, are optional, and frankly, your blurb doesn't need any corrections/suggestions; I'm just being picky here.

I like that you brought us immediately into the protagonist's mind with a quote she favored and followed up with her surroundings. There weren't any grammatical errors I could find, although the following words after the quote were rather abrupt. Instead of saying, "The line came from the father of cosmic horror, H.P. Lovecraft," shorten it down to, "H.P. Lovecraft: the father of cosmic horror." Your readers will already know that you're referring to the quote. (copied and pasted from previous review as I'm not starting from chapter one in this one).

The most repetitive mistake I found was that you often slipped up your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

You hardly had any, but there were some instances where you had a comma splice. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." While this explanation is unnecessary, I wanted to let you know in case this is new information for you.

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

This next one isn't really a grammatical error, but I wasn't sure where else to put this. You have a habit of repetitively stating names over and over again. For example, this sentence, "Ella went to the kitchen. Ella decided to eat lunch and settled on the couch with a sandwich. Then Ella took a nap," is awkward because of the amount of "Ella"s in it. This makes the sentences flow awkwardly and feel stilted. Instead, it'd be better to write it as, "Ella went to the kitchen. She decided to eat lunch and settled on the couch with a sandwich. Then she took a nap." If you've already mentioned a name earlier, there's no need to do it again (as long as it's obvious which person is being referred to). Instead, replace the name with a pronoun. I've pointed out some examples down below.

I spotted no spelling errors, and the mistakes I did spot seemed sparse and accidental (not repetitive). I noticed that some of your vocabulary and diction or phrasing was repetitive, however. This wasn't a huge problem, but when editing your chapters, I suggest limiting the amount of times you use a word. If working on a computer/laptop, you can use ctrl+f to see how many times a specific word shows up. If you also use writing tools such as ProWritingAid or thesaurus.com, there are alternate/more unique options for overused words.

Just like the first time I reviewed your story, the plot is impeccable. You've thoroughly incorporated world-building and had your characters have their own voices. You've thought through how each scene should work and even established rules or ordinary things in your world-building that might not be so ordinary in the real world. Your plotline has a clear direction and there is no confusion. I took off a point because as I ventured further into the story, there were specific scenes that were rushed or not expanded on. I've pointed out some examples in the chapter reviews, but I'll also address this when talking about your writing style/voice.

I adored the way you described and introduced new characters. You included necessary non-generic descriptions and helped me visualize their personality or current mood. You have a habit of not being completely connected to your characters. When writing about a scene, you write about their actions or reactions, but you don't reflect or analyze those actions or feelings they may invoke. This makes your characters seem a little distant and vague in certain situations. Whenever something happens that you believe can have an impact (no matter how big or small) on your characters, it's important to expand on that. Tap into their emotions and how strongly (or not) they may feel. This helps your readers understand them and sympathize with them more.

As always, I received a wonderful quality of writing to critique. You have a distinct writing style that was very easy to become absorbed into as a reader. The largest problem here is your analyzing skills. While your action scenes were heart-pounding and adrenaline-invoking, you were missing personal connection. Having a character experience strong emotions can enhance the reading experience for your audience. For example, in chapter nine, when Torngarsuk Nanook is about to die at the end, you could have expanded on that. Have him wonder about who would think about him when he dies. How would his family members feel? Does he feel that his death is unfair? Does he feel bitter about the current situation, or is he too frantic to think such things? How desperately does he try to get help? These qualities can bring out a reader's cry of outrage and sympathy for the character.

Your story flow was very smooth. Because of the easy transitions into each scene, I was able to easily sink into your story without a fuss. I took off a point here because the somewhat rushed action scenes broke me out of my reading trance. While the action scenes weren't actually "rushed", they felt impersonal and disconnected. You'll notice how this particular element affects different aspects of your writing, so working to improve this means improving your writing voice, your characters, your plot, and your story flow.

"There are several deities out there, and..." (p.1). You have a tense slip-up here. Keep in mind that you're writing in past tense. Correction: "There were several deities out there, and..."

"... then proceeded to give a vague warning of guaranteed doom should I ever tried to bring harm to her." (p.11). This can be confusing, but here, you're writing in past tense about a future action. Therefore, "tried" should be in the present tense form. Correction: "... then proceeded to give a vague warning of guaranteed doom should I ever try to bring harm to her."

"Even as we exited the Garden, and entered the city's environment, Arther continued..." (p.14). Here, if you have more than three clauses strung together with commas, it's okay to join two clauses together as one. Comma rules can be fickle, and while this is optional, it can also be good to know. Suggestion:"Even as we exited the Garden and entered the city's environment, Arther continued..." This makes the sentence flow more smoothly. Additionally, the second clause technically has no subject, so it's better to have it as part of the first clause.

"Before us, was a black, three-story building." (p.31). You have an unnecessary comma here. The beginning of the sentence should be included in the main clause. Correction: "Before us was a black, three-story building."

"All of them turned their attention to Arthur and me." (p.32). Instead of having "Arthur and me," it should be, "Arthur and I." I noticed you understood and applied this rule earlier, so I'm sure it was just a slip-up.

"A mercenary made his way towards Arthur and me. The mercenary stopped just a few feet away." (p.33). Again, it should be "Arthur and I," or you could say "me and Arthur." Additionally, you already wrote "mercenary" in the first sentence, so I suggest you avoid repetition and replace it in the second sentence with the pronoun "he." Correction/Suggestion: "A mercenary made his way towards Arthur and I. He stopped just a few feet away."

"His mouth, and the area around his mouth..." (p.34). You have an unnecessary comma here, and to avoid repetition, I suggest replacing the second "mouth" with "it." Correction/Suggestion: "His mouth and the area around it..."

"I won't lie..." (p.68). Here, you have another tense slip-up. Correction: "I wasn't going to lie..."

"... Arthur said. Arthur gestured to an empty seat." (p.70). Here, you have "Arthur" written twice close to each other. If you read this aloud, it sounds stilted, awkward, and repetitive. I suggest replacing the second "Arthur" with the pronoun "He." This is something that happens frequently through your writing, so I suggest focusing on finding these little spots and fixing them.

"... today is Mutant Monday in which mutants get a five percent discount on all orders." (p.82). You need a comma. Correction: "... today is Mutant Monday, in which mutants get a five percent discount on all orders." I also love the creativity you have in world-building. It's funny but strangely realistic at the same time.

In paragraph 1, remember to replace "Arthur and me" with "Arthur and I," or "Me and Arthur."

"Now if I was swarmed by a pack of monstrous men..." (p.4). You need a comma here, as "Now" is an introductory word and is not part of the main clause. Correction: "Now, if I was swarmed by a pack of monstrous men..."

"Was despars synonymous with dollars..." (p.13). Since "Despars" is plural, "was" should be in its plural form, not singular. Correction: "Were despars synonymous with dollars..." I also appreciated how you had your protagonist reflect upon her thoughts to inform readers of things they may have missed or are unfamiliar with.

"... these can back alleys..." (p.17). Here, you're missing the necessary filler word "be."

"A mercenary was pointing to Arthur and me." (p.22). Again, it should be "Arthur and I." Additionally, you're using a passive voice here. A passive voice is indirectly describing an action. Instead of saying something was done, say something happened, as it has a stronger impact on your audience. Correction/Suggestion: "A mercenary pointed to Arthur and I."

"The awkward silence that followed, allowed for a chirping cricket to make itself known." (p.25). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "The awkward silence that followed allowed for a chirping cricket to make itself known."

In the beginning, after Tala ran in, I suggest expanding upon the heightened atmosphere. You were a bit brief in the descriptions, and if you described the state of her emotions (for example her body language and facial expression), the readers would have immediately been more concerned and would have sensed an urgency that would've added on to your narrative later on.

In paragraph 21, you have some repetition going on. You've already mentioned that the vampire tried to take her to a second location (in those exact words). If you're trying to summarize for clarity for your readers, then I suggest wording it differently. There's no point repeating something for clarity because readers can always go back to read something. Instead, provide a fresh or different perspective for them to think about in different angles. Additionally, this scene was spent with the character summarizing the events and speaking with the others. If the vampire was really dangerous, you could have expanded on the crowd trying to restrain him, or written of how the vampire may have tried to walk away. And since the vampire decided to stay and talk it out, why? Some readers are used to vampires escaping without confrontation, so this may be new to them.

"My birthday has gone to hell, my friends are desperate for money..." (p.65). You have a tense slip-up here. Keep in mind that you're writing in past tense, not present. Correction: "My birthday has gone to hell, my friends were desperate for money..."

"... swords are mostly obsolete in combat, however, there were some scary exceptions." (p.1). You have tense slip-ups here. Additionally, starting from "however," these should be two separate sentences. The comma before "however" should be replaced with a period or a semicolon, as these are separate clauses. If done like this, it's considered a comma splice. Correction: "... swords were mostly obsolete in combat; however, there were some scary exceptions." OR "... swords were mostly obsolete in combat. However, there were some scary exceptions." If you also find that some sentences are bordering on the longer side, such as this one, you can split it to provide more clarity for readers.

"Buwan put pressure around the massive gash that ran down his leg, whilst Tala sobbed." (p.3). The comma here is unnecessary. Correction: "Buwan put pressure around the massive gash that ran down his leg whilst Tala sobbed."

"Apart from me, Ivan butchered at least twelve people. Ivan paused and stood over bloody, mangled bodies." (p.4). Since you've already written "Ivan" once, it's best to replace the second "Ivan" with the pronoun "he." Suggestion: "Apart from me, Ivan butchered at least twelve people. He paused and stood over bloody, mangled bodies." As long as it's obvious who you're talking about, it's best to replace names with pronouns if already used earlier, preferably at a close distance.

"Where is he?" (p.47). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "Where was he?"

"There were a few witnesses, but, despite Ivan's injuries..." (p.54). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "There were a few witnesses, but despite Ivan's injuries..." Keep in mind that commas tend to come before conjunctions; not after, and not both.