"You think I 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 that peice of shit? Excuse me, Jeon Jungkook! I do not even remotely, not even one tiny bit do I like Mister Jung Hoseok! I could never like that sunshine-smiling, starry-eyed motherfucker! Never! No! Absolutely not! What type of sane bastard can even look into the eyes of that... that hoe!?"

Where Min Yoongi despises his - whatever Jung Hoseok is to him for being too happy and too loud and too... Hoseok. Because no! He doesn't think Hoseok's laughter is like bells' from heaven. No! He does not believe that Hoseok has stars for eyes. No! Hoseok is not his happy-pill with his rainbow smiles and stellar cheekbones.

A wonderful tale about enthusiastic Jung Hoseok and the-very-much-better-than-everyone-on-this-entire-fucking-planet-in-the-whole-wide-universe-definitely-better-than-Jung-Hoseok Min Yoongi.

(Or; Yoongi has too much of a big ego to go and talk to Jung Hoseok.)

I appreciate the cleanliness of your cover. It's simple and professional. I was confused on the title—is is missing an 's' on purpose? Additionally, when I read your blurb, this seemed to be more of a light-hearted story, but the cover doesn't convey that mood. You can keep it as it is, but I also suggest checking out some cover makers on Wattpad as well. I have some amazing cover shops featured on my reading list.

I immediately got the sense of the mood of the story when I read the title. Your title is witty and will attract the right readers for your story/genre. I thought this was a well thought-up title. Well done!

I appreciated the humor and wit you've incorporated into your blurb. I got the overall sense of the story, and your blurb draws in the right readers looking for a story in your genre. There were some grammar mistakes, however. You were missing the clarity that should come with the blurb as well. There was some repetition with your descriptions as well. I suggest tightening/shortening your blurb so there is no repetition, and it's easy to read for your audience. You also have a spelling mistake with the word "piece."

Right off the bat, I got a good taste for the mood of the story, the mindset of your protagonist, and your writing capabilities as a writer. You jumped straight into the story with clean writing and good readability. Well done!

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

You also had some comma splices. As a reminder, a comma splice is joining two clauses together with a comma, but without a conjunction. A comma splice can look like this: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two independent clauses. To correct the splice, you can replace the comma with a period or add a conjunction. The correction can look like this: "I went to work. I drove in my car," or "I went to work, and I drove in my car."

You struggled with apostrophes and contractions. For example, the contraction "let's" and the word "lets" have different meanings, and should be applied appropriate depending on the context of the scene. Before adding an apostrophe, say out the full words "let us" and see if it makes sense.

There were several instances regarding your story where I found misspellings/typos. While your grammar is extremely clean, it's hard to get clean spelling/writing on the first try. I suggest thoroughly editing and proof-reading before uploading on Wattpad, if you don't already. I was also impressed by the lack of repetition with your diction/vocabulary. I rarely saw the same description twice, which is something that makes me very happy, as it's something you improved on.

I appreciated the direction the story was taking. The mood of the story matched the blurb, and although I can't tell much from just the first chapter, you seem to have a strong plot going. I thought it was a bit odd that Yoongi, at eight years old, had increasingly violent thoughts. Is this a development that affects the plot in some way? I'd love to know! I also appreciated how each scene was meticulously thought out. I didn't sense that you rushed or crawled in any areas, and you described each new character in a way that I could visualize and imagine them in my head with ease.

The characterization is very strong here. You have a clearly defined definition for each character, and their personalities were different. I noticed that even the way they spoke was different, which I found to be a thoughtful addition. As long as you have room for character development, there's nothing to worry about here.

I'm pretty sure I've told you this a thousand times, but you have a beautiful, distinct writing voice. I would be able to tell it's you from your writing, even if I can't see your username. Your descriptions were vivid and lively, and I found it very refreshing as I continued to read. I took off some points because you could increase readability. Your sentences tend to lean on the longer side, which makes it harder for your audience to read. I suggest shortening your sentences or separating them into smaller bits and pieces.

As I've mentioned above, I didn't feel that any scenes were rushed or too slow. Your story pacing was very steady. However, some of your transitions were repetitive. For example, you increasingly used "anyways" (which should be "anyway") or "oh, yes," constantly when changing the subject or switching scenes. I understand that since we're in Yoongi's head, this is the way he thinks, but I'd like to caution you against this, as it can get quickly repetitive and tiring for your audience if overused.

In paragraph 3, the hyphen is unnecessary with the words "elder brother."

In paragraph 4, "hyung" should be capitalized as it's a title; much like a name. Additionally, saying "Jisung Hyung" is like calling your father "Steven Dad." Typically, you would only call him "Dad," and this applies to "Hyung" as well.

"Yoongi bursts out crying; stinging, salty tears pouring out of nebula-black eyes but his hyung doesn't stop there, oh no, his monster-hyung dangles him outside the window, and Yoongi screeches so that his lungs must rupture - and at this moment, he felt like a dinosaur." (p.6). This sentence is abnormally long, and you have a comma splice here. I suggest separating this into several sentences, which will improve readability for your audience. Additionally, you have a tense slip-up. Keep in mind that you're writing in present tense, not past. Correction: "Yoongi bursts out crying; stinging, salty tears pouring out of nebula-black eyes, but his hyung doesn't stop there. Oh no, his monster-hyung dangles him outside the window, and Yoongi screeches so that his lungs must rupture - and at this moment, he feels like a dinosaur." I also added a necessary comma.

"Yoongi's already imagining his new neighbour's." (p.8). You have an unnecessary apostrophe here. By adding one to "neighbor," you're turning it into a contraction, and saying, "neighbor is." If you apply it to the sentence and say, "Yoongi's already imagining his new neighbour is," it doesn't fit in with the context of the situation. Correction: "Yoongi's already imagining his new neighbours." You have the same problem repetitively in the same paragraph.

"Enzo hyung, himself, is only twelve years old but he terrifies Jisung to the death, and Yoongi's going to be exactly like him when he's older!" (p.11). "Hyung" should be capitalized, as it's a title. You also have misplaced commas. Correction: "Enzo Hyung is only twelve years old, but he terrifies Jisung to death, and Yoongi's going to be exactly like him when he's older!" I also removed unnecessary filler words.

In paragraph 17, keep in mind that "Anyway" should be singular when used, and an 's' shouldn't be put at the end.

"'Go' his eyes say." (p.23). You need punctuation, even if this technically isn't dialogue. Correction: "'Go,' his eyes say."

In paragraph 34, "vinalla" should be "vanilla."

Every time I review one of your stories, your writing is always getting cleaner and more clear! Your improvement is reaching milestones, and I was impressed by the lack of repetitive diction and the interesting vocabulary you used throughout this chapter. The main thing to do now is to improve on readability. That means shortening your sentences or separating long sentences into shorter ones.