"𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬."

Viola Drake appears to be a normal teen pursuing an education in Italy, but a shadow of a change is following her, and she knows it. The only problem is that she doesn't know when this change will happen, but she has a horrible feeling that it will take place at the royal ball. Contact from an old acquaintance only confirmed it for her- her life is going to change at the royal ball and nothing will stop this change. Will this change be good or bad, and will she be able to keep her life? Or will it all be over again, sentencing her to an eternity in darkness?

"𝐀 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬."

Your cover seems to represent your story and goes hand in hand with your title. I found I didn't really get the sense that it was a romance from the cover; it seems to belong to a more of a dark or mystery genre. You could be more creative with placing the title and photo, as well as the font used—make sure it represents your story. Overall, your cover is good, but not great. There are easily covers out there in the same genre that would hold more attention because of the cover. If this doesn't worry you, then I suggest keeping it as it is. If you want your story to have the best chance, however, then I suggest seeing one of the featured cover designers on my reading list—they'll help you out!

Your title seems to hint at an overarching goal or particular plot/element of the story that isn't pointed out in the blurb. Because I only read the first chapter, it's hard to tell whether it suits your story; if it represents your story, genre, etc. You will have to make that decision yourself. Is it the best fit for your story? The title is easy to remember and also hints at the story/genre, so you'll be able to draw in the right readers for your story if you keep it as it is.

Your whole blurb is very passive. Almost the entirety of your blurb is you telling the audience that Viola knows something's going to happen soon, and probably at the royal ball. You don't need a whole paragraph to describe this, and I especially advise against using questions in your blurb. I learned almost nothing from your protagonist here, except that she is a teen named Viola Drake pursuing an education in Italy. In your blurb, you need to include the overall conflict/plot, the triggering action, and maybe even the obstacles the protagonist may face along the way. Your blurb is missing these essential elements, so I suggest rewriting it to include these. That way, your reader will understand what they're getting into if they choose to read the story. It will be interesting enough for them to click on, and all without giving away too much information. On the grammatical scale, I found no errors, which I appreciated. It left a good impression on me as a reader. However, you awkwardly structured some sentences here, so I suggest removing unnecessary filler words and tightening/shortening sentence lengths. This can clear readability for your audience as well as have a stronger impact upon them as well.

I will not grade you on this section, as the chapter required to review does not include the hook of the story. However, if you choose to focus on this area as well, I suggest making sure that you're jumping straight into the story. Whether it be an action, a philosophical thought or quote, or just one word, it needs to entice the reader to continue reading. It should show us the mindset of the protagonist, and it should also portray your writing style. You have a lot of flexibility in this area to experiment with descriptions and your use of similes/metaphors. Don't waste this wonderful opportunity to stun your readers with a beautiful beginning (that still hints at or represents the mood of the story/beginning of the story).

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it makes little sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to show that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If over one clause is joined, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You sometimes misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

I noticed one or two comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. Here, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car."

You were solid in this area. I found no misspellings or silly typos, which shows me you (hopefully) proof-read this chapter at least before publishing it. Always make sure to decently edit a chapter before showcasing it to the world, as you can always go back and edit in depth later. Additionally, you have a lot of creative space here to fill up with your vocabulary and diction. You stray for more simple diction choices. While they can be great with readability and clarity, it's helpful to expand your vocabulary and spice up your writing a bit.

Obviously, I wasn't able to get a lot out of one chapter. The chapter I read seemed to include a few filler paragraphs, such as pointing out the setting several times or including pointless greetings. It was hard to get a good grip on the overall setting of the story, too. I assumed she was from a small village or town, but it's hard to tell. Spend some time world-building so your audience can immerse themselves within the narrative. I didn't even get a sense of the weather, except that it was windy. Was there a warm/icy breeze? This can also set up your story in terms of the atmosphere and overall mood. This was also a relatively brief chapter, so most of this information could be dispersed evenly throughout other chapters. You have some room here to have your protagonist self-reflect upon her choices and opinions, as this can help your readers understand her better. The overall plot seems to go in the right direction, but again, it's hard to tell. Make sure that the fundamental conflict is involved with the genre. In this instance, your genre is romance, so the romance needs to be the main conflict. You can have other subgenres, such as mystery/thriller or fantasy, but your readers probably came for the romance, because you advertised it as such.

I didn't get a strong sense of your protagonist in this chapter. Near the end, it seemed to hint that she was more independent and ahead of her time, and wasn't interested in being a part of the society. This is valuable information for the reader, but it isn't expanded upon. You could take the time to slow down and show your audience her decisions and opinions without telling them. You have a lot of space (since this is a kind-of-short chapter) to make even her actions come to life. Maybe her restless fidgeting showed that she was more active and bored easily, or that her nimble tree-climbing skills pointed to the fact that she loved the outdoors.

You have a simplistic, nostalgic kind of writing style that I particularly enjoyed throughout the chapter. It was diminished slightly from repetitive phrases and grammatical errors, but your writing voice will improve on its own if the writing itself is clean. For now, I'd focus on cleaning up errors, removing repetitive phrases, and shortening/tightening your sentences. Then, you can include colorful descriptions, such as metaphors/similes, sensory detail and figurative language, etc. As I've mentioned earlier as well, it doesn't hurt to expand your vocabulary and to replace your basic use of diction.

From what I can see, your story flow was very smooth and consistent. I didn't feel that you went too fast or slow in any parts, and your transitions weren't awkward or repetitive. There were a few spots where I felt that you used repetitive phrases to move the story along, but there weren't enough spots for me to make a solid case on. I suggest keeping an eye out for those, however, as they can negatively impact your writing.

In paragraph 2, with the word "fugue," did you mean "figure?" From what I know of, a fugue has to do with music.

"'Come, it's much easier to speak face to face than it is to shout.' The figure - Rose - responded in a soft voice." (p.4). This should be one sentence. The dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue, and the capitalization/punctuation should reflect that. The punctuation should be a comma to express that the sentence continues, and the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'Come, it's much easier to speak face to face than it is to shout,' the figure - Rose - responded in a soft voice."

"Walking up to the tree, Viola set down her bag and pulled out a book and her apple, then began to climb the tree." (p.4). Here, you're mentioning the tree twice. You should avoid this repetition. You can rephrase it to sound something like, "Viola set down her bag and pulled out a book and her apple, then walked up to the tree and began to climb it." After a bit of restructuring, this sentence is now shorter and tighter, and repetition of the word "tree" is gone.

"Third day in a row, now I have to attend detention with Hubble." (p.5). You have a comma splice here. A comma splice is the joining of two clauses with a comma, but without a conjunction. To correct this, you can replace the comma with a period, or add in a conjunction. In this case, you can use either option. However, I normally always suggest doing the former, because smaller sentences have clearer readability. Correction: "Third day in a row. Now I have to attend detention with Hubble."

"'You could have been sent to the headmaster's.' Rose responded, not really paying attention for she was too focused on her book." (p.6). Here, the dialogue tag should accompany the dialogue, and the punctuation within the dialogue should reflect that. I also suggest adding in a comma. Correction: "'You could have been sent to the headmaster's,' Rose responded, not really paying attention, for she was too focused on her book."

"'Yes, but now all the boys are discussing me as if I'm some sort of beast from the wild.' Viola whined, upset about her rude classmates." (p.7). Here, you need to have proper punctuation regarding the dialogue and dialogue tag (as mentioned before). Correction: "'Yes, but now all the boys are discussing me as if I'm some sort of beast from the wild,' Viola whined, upset about her rude classmates."

"'Do you have anything to eat?' She asked, attempting to get Rose more engaged in the conversation." (p.7). Again, the dialogue tag is part of the sentence, so the beginning of the tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. Correction: "'Do you have anything to eat?' she asked, attempting to get Rose more engaged in the conversation." This is also an example of you telling, not showing. The way you described this felt very detached and clinical. You could show that Rose wasn't engaged in the conversation from the lack of eye-contact, short answers, or awkward pauses in the conversation.

"Or at least, I hope that's how the world sees me." (p.9). Here, you suddenly jumped into the first perspective. Up until this point, you were writing in third-person, describing your protagonist as "she/her." You must stay consistent with your point of perspective. If this is a direct thought from your protagonist, then make sure to italicize it so your readers understand that.

"'The entire twelfth class is getting an invitation, they get one every year. Since you're the only girl in the class, all eyes will be on you.' Rose explained, not surprised that Viola didn't know." (p.10). You have a comma splice here, and you confused the punctuation regarding the dialogue and dialogue tag. Correction: "'The entire twelfth class is getting an invitation. They get one every year. Since you're the only girl in the class, all eyes will be on you,' Rose explained, not surprised that Viola didn't' know."

"'... and I'm not going to gain anything from it.' she replied while yawning, still sitting in the tree." (p.11). As you can see, this should be one sentence. The dialogue tag is appropriately not capitalized, but the punctuation should also reflect that the sentence continues. Additionally, if the scene is fixed and your character is still in the same spot, your audience will already know that, so there's no point in saying that she was still in the tree. Correction: "'... and I'm not going to gain anything from it,' she replied while yawning." Now that the excess information is removed, this sentence is tighter/shorter, and the punctuation is grammatically accurate.

"'It never has and it never will be. What people think of me won't affect me, and I don't think that people would ever care about me.' was the response from the tree, seemingly higher up now." (p.13). You need a comma here, and the punctuation regarding the dialogue and dialogue tag is incorrect. Correction: "'It never has, and it never will be. What people think of me won't affect me, and I don't think that people would ever care about me,' was the response from the tree, seemingly higher up now." Notice how commas typically come before conjunctions.

You have a very whimsical, distinct writing voice, which I particularly enjoyed while reading this chapter. There were some repetitive grammatical errors which I've pointed out for you, and not much else is needed to be done after cleaning those up. I recommend focusing on showing, not telling, and expanding upon details to enhance the reading experience for your audience.