"I didn't know you could swim too." He started coming closer and had a notorious grin on his face.

"I am a woman of many talents." I spoke with caution and simultaneously moved backwards.

"Like what?" His voice came out gruff, sending shivers down my spine. There was barely any distance between us.

"Umm." My mind had become clogged; overwhelmed by his closeness and his scent.

"Yeah?" he came closer.

**

Emily wanted nothing more than a free start. Free from the strenuous years of high school, she hoped that college would bring something different, something new.

Being the daughter of a millionaire, a straight-A Student, she didn't have to think about her future as it had been planned for her since she was born. She was destined to take over her father's business.

Everything in her ship was going fine until she met someone at college who could potentially wreck her life.

Theodore Anderson, the best swimmer in the university and heartthrob was more than happy with his life.

Opposites attract you say? But what happens when the worlds of these two people collide who are similar in more ways than you can count.

From looking at your cover, I immediately assume that this is a romance story. It represents your story well, but I'd suggest having your story put in the romance/YA section, not teen fiction, as it presents some sexual themes within your story. That way, your cover will accurately represent your genre as well as your story. My only other complaint is that the way the cover is formatted is familiar within the romance genre. Lots of authors use dark images and bright white/glowing titles in their romance stories. You can keep your cover as it is, but if you choose to change the cover, keep in mind that you should be aiming for a cover that doesn't look like every other romance novel.

"Evermore" means forever; always. My interpretation of this title is about young adults who feel they have a love that would last forever, or maybe the happiness from their youth will stick with them for the rest of their lives. However, this connection is weak at best. This is true for pretty much every teenage love story, so if there's a deeper meaning to the title, please let me know! Additionally, this title is pretty common, and doesn't help with showing your audience the genre of your story or how it represents your story.

You have a few grammar mistakes in your blurb. For example, in "he came closer", the beginning of the action tag should be capitalized, as it's a separate sentence. You can take a look at the grammar section as well and see what suggestions apply to your blurb. Your blurb is also on the longer side. I suggest choosing a shorter excerpt to include at the top, as it contributes greatly to your lengthy blurb. As for the actual synopsis, I have to say it's pretty cliché. I'm not sure why, but I review a lot of stories where the blurb starts out as: "Emily wanted a free start." And yes, the protagonist's name is also always Emily in all those stories. My point is that a great number of books deal with protagonists trying to move on or wanting a free start. It's pretty much a given, so instead of giving details that don't surprise the reader, I suggest including the main conflict that's new to your reader. Additionally, your descriptions in your blurb with your protagonists are very cliché and generic. Again, it's a given for a lot of Wattpad stories to have rich and beautiful protagonists. This blurb doesn't help me understand your story well. Try to focus more on the actual conflict rather than describing the characters.

At first glance, I found no grammar errors, and you immediately brought me into Emily's mindset. However, your transition seems to be choppy. Instead of letting the story flow smoothly, you abruptly go to the next point with only a few words, instead of expanding upon your descriptions. Your summary in the beginning went way too quickly for me to process, so I suggest slowing it down. Describe Emily's encounter with her best friend before he went to college in-depth to help your audience understand. This also helps the story flow more smoothly and helps it seem less random.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

I noticed that you tended to leave out punctuation in your dialogues. Just like ending sentences, dialogues need to be ended as well. Just because you add a dialogue mark to the end doesn't mean it's a complete sentence. It isn't complete until you add a punctuation mark at the end. I've pointed out some examples of this below.

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

I noticed that you had unnecessary capitalization, or you were missing capitalization in certain places. The beginning of a new sentence, a certain person, place, or thing, must always be capitalized. The next time you capitalize (or don't capitalize), keep this rule in mind. Titles should always be capitalized unless there is a possessive pronoun in front of them. For example, "Mom" is capitalized when used alone. However, when you say, "my mom," it doesn't have to be capitalized. You were confused with this rule throughout your writing, and you also capitalized unnecessary words, which I've pointed down below.

You struggled with apostrophes and contractions. For example, the contraction "let's" and the word "lets" have different meanings, and should be applied appropriate depending on the context of the scene. Before adding an apostrophe, say out the full words "let us" and see if it makes sense.

You had no spelling errors that I was aware of, but you used simple diction choices and repetitive vocabulary. This made your narration narrow-minded when you could expand upon some of your descriptions. By incorporating interesting vocabulary, you can enhance the reading experience for your audience and avoid repetition.

There was no conflict shown at all in the first five chapters I've read. These were all pretty much filler chapters, more like a diary than an actual story. We went through Emily's days and encounters, and while this helped me understand who she was as a person, the direction of the story went nowhere. The romance between the lead characters was very cliché as well, and it felt like many romance stories on Wattpad I've read before. I suggest finding a strong conflict to use in this story and obstacles for Emily to go through. Additionally, how can you make her love story interesting and unique from all the others out there?

You gave all your characters the same descriptions. For example, they all smirk. I suggest taking your characters apart, one by one, and giving each of them life unique to another character's. That way, they're all different and if your readers don't stay for the plot (or lack of one), they'll stay for the characters. For example, Brian and Theo seemed exactly the same to me, and Kayla was a very distant character for someone who showed up at least once in each chapter. Try to have your audience relate and feel close to your characters. This can be done by establishing habits, personality traits, etc. It also helps to elaborate on their actions or reactions in depth, instead of showing instead of telling and moving on.

I appreciate the simplicity of your writing style, as it makes it very easy to understand your story. However, there is no trait in your writing that makes it unique to you. I have to admit I've critiqued many stories that incorporate simple writing voices such as yours. To give your writing voice more character, you can incorporate writing techniques, such as metaphors/similes, sensory detail, and figurative language. You could also use humor or have your character reflect on certain things in a philosophical manner.

Your transitions were very blunt. Because you showed instead of telling most times, you never stopped to expand upon your descriptions. One moment, Emily might be awake, and suddenly, she's waking up from a nap I never knew she took. Make sure to establish time skips in your transitions (and this can be done by summarizing the time skip) or spending more time making it clear Emily took a nap so the reader won't be confused.

"We both had planned to go to the same college and probably have kids at the same time so they could be best friends too, the latter planned by me." (p.2). This is a long sentence, and you have misplaced commas. I suggest splitting this into several sentences and removing unnecessary filler words. Correction: "We both planned to go to the same college and have kids at the same time. That way, they could be best friends too. The latter was planned by me."

"The summer had passed quickly, most of my friends had already left for their respective universities and I was excited to leave as well." (p.3). You have a comma splice here. As a reminder, a comma splice is joining two clauses together with a comma, but without a conjunction. To correct this, you can either add a conjunction or replace the comma with a period. I typically advise the latter, as shorter sentences are better for clearer readability. Correction: "The summer had passed quickly. Most of my friends had already left for their respective universities, and I was excited to leave as well." Notice the comma I've added as well.

"Goodbye high school." (p.4). You need a comma here. Correction: "Goodbye, high school."

"I put the last box in the car and looked at the surrounding for the last time before leaving." (p.6). Here, I suggest saying "my surroundings" rather than "the surroundings." Additionally, you only described the sky. I was under the assumption you would take the time to describe her home, or the feeling her familiar surroundings gave her.

In paragraph 11, you need hyphens in "ten-year-old."

"I quickly drove to the nearest supermarket to get all the foodstuffs and basic essentials." (p.16). I suggest simply saying "food." Correction: "I quickly drove to the nearest supermarket to get food and basic essentials." Notice how I got rid of the unnecessary filler words as well.

"To make this day worse, right after checkout, some weird guy, who, I think was drunk, literally crashed into me causing all the things in the bag to fall." (p.16). You have five commas in this one sentence. I suggest em dashes here instead of commas. Additionally, you're actually missing a comma where it's needed. I also don't see the need for "literally," as how else can a guy crash into someone? Correction: "To make this day worse, right after checkout, some weird guy—who I think was drunk—crashed into me, causing all the things in the bag to fall."

"'Sorry Madame' he spoke, letting out a small chuckle." (p.17). Where is the setting of this story? You'd use "madame/madam" to address a Frenchwoman, and as Emily is young, he would call her "mademoiselle" instead. If he's saying this cause he's drunk, let your audience know. Additionally, you need punctuation within your dialogue, and in this case, a comma.

"'I am angry with you.' He said." (p.20). This should be one sentence. As the dialogue tag is a continuation of the sentence, the punctuation/capitalization should reflect that. Correction: "'I am angry with you,' he said."

"Then nodded and I think he stopped for two seconds to listen to what the orange had to say." (p.21). You need the pronoun "he" in there. Additionally, you use "I think" repetitively throughout the chapter. This is unnecessary and clogs up your sentences. Correction/Suggestion: "Then he nodded and stopped for two seconds to listen to what the orange had to say."

In paragraph 22, you need to end the dialogue with punctuation.

"... laughingly took him away." (p.29). This doesn't make sense to me. Instead of using adverbs, I suggest simply saying, "... he laughed as he took him away."

In paragraph 35, I highly suggest writing out numbers that are from 1 to 10 to remain professional and not break the flow of the story. Here, "3" would be "three.'

In paragraph 1, I suggest writing out numbers from 1 to 10. "5" and "2" would be "five" and "two."

"'Did you even hear what I said?' her voice showed clear annoyance." (p.5). These should be two separate sentences. The beginning of the action tag should be capitalized to show that it's the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'Did you even hear what I said?' Her voice showed clear annoyance."

"'Uhhuh.' I said..." (p.6). "Uh huh" is two words, not one. Additionally, you have the incorrect punctuation within your dialogue, as this should be one sentence. Using a period shows that you're ending the sentence and starting another. Correction: "'Uh huh,' I said..."

"She waved her hands in the air trying to remind me of herself." (p.10). You need a comma here. Correction: "She waved her hands in the air, trying to remind me of herself."

"'So when did you move in? She asked as she carried one of the boxes in." (p.16). Here, you forgot to end the dialogue. Additionally, this should be one sentence, so the beginning of the dialogue tag should not be capitalized. Correction: "'So, when did you move in?' she asked as she carried one of the boxes in." Notice the comma I've added as well.

"Yesterday only." (p.17). "Only" is unnecessary here. Correction: "Yesterday."

In paragraph 18, "check out" should be two words.

"'Do you know how to cook? She asked and the look on her face told me that she didn't know how to cook." (p.24). Again, you forgot to end the dialogue. And this should be one sentence. Correction: "'Do you know how to cook?' she asked, and the look on her face told me that she didn't know how to cook." I also added a necessary comma.

In paragraph 28, you need to end the dialogue with punctuation.

Again, in paragraph 31, you need to end the dialogue with punctuation.