《An Italian's Virgin Escort (IRS Book 1)》Chapter 35
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Leonardo Point of View
"Buddy, I need to meet you right now. Get to our usual hangout." I called one of my best friends and drove myself to our usual hangout place with a concerned heart and disturbed feelings.
Such a complex condition I am in. On one hand, I feel ashamed of myself for not caring for her but on the other hand, I feel confident that I can give whatever she's looking for even after marrying her.
Can I give her the things she's yearning for even after intervening our destinies together?
"Ouch. The hell is wrong with you man." I yelled in pain when a strong fist collided with my jaw.
Damn, it hurt.
It took me a couple of minutes to fix my jaw in place and glared at my dear friend with a murderous look.
He was seething with anger and took a fighting stance. I just rolled my eyes and went to the couch and poured myself a large glass of scotch.
"The hell is wrong with you, Arse. You effing separated my jaw from my face." I scowled.
This man has an extra efficient iron fist, I say.
"Oh, you deserve a painful death for what you did to me." He huffed and snatched the scotch glass from my hand.
What is his problem now? Such a drama king he is.
"What did I do? I have my own shits going on and here I'm being abused by my own friend without any reason." I poured myself another glass of scotch desperate for the feel of bitterness burning through my throat.
"Why the f**k didn't you tell me I have a son, you bastard." Arsenio, my ex- brother-in-law gritted and moved forward to punch me again but this time I defended myself with good reflexes.
"Well... I thought it would be fun when you know later at the time you court my sister again. Darn it. You found out already." I said casually, feeling proud of myself to instill this kind of reaction from the King, himself.
"You chose to hide my heir and future king of my kingdom for fun? You seriously need doctor's assistance, my dear friend." He spat out, uttering the words 'dear friend' with sarcasm.
If he is not the king in real, then I would say he is rightly qualified to be the king of sarcasm. He lives the title.
Arsenio gulped down the half of the drink from his glass in one go and leaned back to his seat, composing himself.
"What the fudge happened to you suddenly that you called me here? Please don't tell me what your sister is doing again to get over me. I'm tired of her useless attempts." He said casually like he doesn't care at all. But hell I know how much he loves my sister a lot.
If anything or anyone can make him exuberant with just one look, then it would be Val.
"Not really. She's busy teaching your son not to be an a** like you. But this time, I'm here with my own problem. I don't stuck in a very difficult situation and I choose anything, I'll lose." Arse raised an eyebrow, intrigued at what I am saying.
"And what is that?" He queried bringing a bottle of whisky and pouring it for both of us.
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"I – I – Which option is better. Leaving your loved one for her own happiness or keeping her with you for your own happiness?" I asked him, totally investing myself in this discussion.
"Depends on the lady love and the situations. Why? Did your little Lilliput reject you for marriage?" I sighed with the headache seeping inside.
"Something like that. She said she cannot feel anything for me unless she feels something for herself and somehow I did understand her agony and despair." And so, I explained him everything whatever happened in these few days and in my study. And after listening to everything, he just nodded his head occasionally but didn't say anything for a few seconds.
He listened to me carefully and smirked at me for asking his advice.
I would not choose to go knock his door for advices if not for my current situation which needs a little insight from third person point of view.
And Arse, being a kind is wise contemplating every angle of an issue.
"Sometimes, it is better to leave your loved ones for their own sake, just like in my case. You know why I was keeping your sister away from everything from past couple of years."
Yes, I do. If not for his reasons, I would've killed him by now but instead I'm supporting him from all these years.
"Hmm. So should I give her the freedom she's asking for then? I can't do that, Arse." I shook my head at the very thought of leaving her.
I cannot stay sane without her. I know I'm insufferable at times but I just can't live know Lilliput is not by my side.
"No. I didn't say that. But you tell me one thing, what is freedom in your definition?" He asked, showing off all the wisdom he has.
Freedom...!
"Doing everything you want without any hindrance?" I asked doubtfully. Arse gave me an blank look nodding his head a little
"And do you think she will never get that when she marries you?"
Doesn't she?
"Of course not. She has every right to do and say whatever she likes." I answered immediately with confidence.
'Then why is she still looking for sources to get away from you' Countered my conscience.
Why is she...?
"Exactly. When you ask me if you are right or wrong in all the things you did, then I would tell you that you are 100% wrong in making her feel so choked. You were selfish and just thought of yourself but not her. In that case, I understand how desperate she is to be free from you. But – "He paused and looked at me with a passive look like he is trying to gauge if I'm understanding or not.
"But?"
"But sometimes being tied down is necessary. It is safer and free than being free by yourself." His twisted words confused me.
Can't he just talk in a language that I can understand? Why is he using all prose and poetry on me in this situation?
"What do you mean by being free than free and free by yourself. What?" He chuckled and leaned forward putting in elbows on his legs and looked at me with interest.
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After Niccolo, if there's anyone who can actually understand me, then its Arsenio. He was always the wisdom factory in our group.
Being a king, one should be open with their opinions and judgments and that's exactly the reason I'm sitting with him to discuss this matter in hand.
He is an apt person to fill the gaps in one's ways and tracks of thinking.
"Sienna is thinking that being free from you is freedom for her but it is not. From a very long period of time, she has been bounded by many invisible chains and has no knowledge of how the outside world can be. She may be educated in theoretical sense but looking at it practically, she's naïve to the world. Alright let's put it this way. What do you think will she do if you suddenly tell her that you free her?" He asked. I was silent and was thinking what she would do.
What will her reaction be?
Will she be ecstatic and take the offer without turning back?
But she has nowhere to go. Nothing to do to keep herself living.
"Exactly what you are thinking. Even if you give her a lot of money to make sure she's fed and secure, the main problem here is she is not cared and loved like you and I. The invisible bound she's talking about is not just about choice of decision making, it is also about the lack of warmth that she had not experienced from family. If you leave her, she will not get her freedom. If not you, if not the escort house, there will be another kind of invisible chains that will suffocate her later and the worst part is she has no one to rely upon." His words made me think about this situation in deep and observe it in many angles. I looked at him and nodded a little telling him I'm getting his point and nodded once to continue.
She has no family and she said that her only family, her brother was already dead.
How can such innocent girl live in this harsh world. It is even hard for a man to live up with it's pace and rules. How will she survive?
"Men are animals, Leo. If not you, there will come a day when someone else use her naivety against her. Hell, even you and I are rascals and bastards. Even though we have family and were taught good, we are still men and men just go with their primal instincts." I squinted my eyes towards him and fell deep into thinking.
Being a man, I should've been a support and understanding her but I still, like other men, went for her weaknesses and targeted them. How can I expect her to be with me when I never was emotionally?
"So, you support the idea of marrying her?" will it be a good decision to proceed with the plans of marrying her? Will it be good for her?
"Yes I do. Like I said, sometimes, binding is necessary. Leaving her to her own means in the name of freedom is foolish. She thinks living by herself and doing everything herself is the freedom she is looking for. You show her that being with you, cared, loved and treasured by you is the actual freedom she needs. Do not untie the bounds that are linked to you. Untie the bounds that are binding her emotions and insecurities. Let her have her way in everything but never let that same way distance you from her. Give her the security and assurance to speak her mind anytime with you. But first and foremost, what you need to do is apologize and profess you love to her. You have wronged her in many occasions and she deserves a genuine confession from you that you felt guilty for everything."
Never untie the bounds linked to me but untie the chains that restrained her insecurities,..!
Everything Arse said was right on point. Now that I think about everything that happened, I was always so self-centered only thinking about what is beneficial to me but never thought what Lilliput's thoughts are, how she is feeling.
I never placed myself in her shoes and assumed how it would be if I were in her place. She never got what I and Val got.
My mother was a b**ch but we still had my father and grandparents guiding and loving us. Lilliput did not experience that. It is normal that she has many anxieties overpowering her.
When I should be caring and treasuring her, I was always having my wicked way with her in the name of love. I never seriously thought of asking her for forgiveness for being a monster to her.
When I was never a person that can be a cure for her wounds and instead gave her many wounds myself, how can I expect her to stay by me and love me?
I never gave her a reason to love me. I was never there for her when she was all alone. I never behaved like a man who loves her.
I was never her home that she could happily return to.
And when I was questioning myself all these, I felt a huge emptiness fill in my heart.
"I never acted like a human being with her, Arse." I spoke out lowly still looking at him to which he just gave me a proud grin.
Bastard!
Let your time come when you will be groveling for my sister. Then I will be the one smirking and you will be the one crying. Stupid Rascal!
"Then be now. Whatever you must be to her and never was before, take the chance and be now. Show her that marrying you will only benefit her. Show her that marrying you will be her most memorable joy. Show her what you really are and what you really felt for her." His words filled in determination inside me.
Arse was right. I need to make her realize what I am.
I need to show her that I can be her safe home where she can sleep without a worry for tomorrow.
And I think it's time for some confessions. But before that, I need to instigate Val a little against this rascal. He's having so much fun right now. When his time for begging comes, how can I forgo the chance of make him helpless and grieved!
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