Touching down on New York tarmac couldn't feel more invigorating and the fact that the weather has blessed us with its comforting warmth is just an added bonus, really.

Aidan and I slept for most of the flight, cuddled up to one another much like two penguins huddling for heat and now, even though it's late, I couldn't feel more awake.

Both Hannah and my Dad know about Aidan taking me to New York, courtesy of Anna and her rather big mouth and even Kyle and Hayley are in on our 'little secret' or rather, 'big secret' as my sister so kindly likes to put it. She's still not onboard about us secretly seeing each other but has agreed to respect my decisions and has even accepted that being with him makes me a better person.

As for speaking to my Dad regarding his minor interruption at the party last weekend, our conversation has stretched as far as a quick, "be careful" to which I ensured I would be. Truth be told, he's being rather calm about the entire situation and although it pleases me, I'm slightly concerned about his laid back attitude.

Drew, Jess, Chloe and Dylan are all non the wiser, although all four did pass judgement on how coincidental it was that I had a business trip the same weekend Aidan was visiting a 'work friend' out of town. I'm pretty convinced they all have their suspicions but are not saying anything out of respect for us.

"What should we do first then, darling?" asks Aidan, interrupting me from my thoughts as he leans across to unclip my seatbelt and slyly pecks my lips on his way back.

He makes work on his own seatbelt and once we're given the all clear from the air hostess, we set about gathering our belongings as quickly as possible.

"It's quite late. We could dump our bags, grab a quick bite to eat and go straight back to the hotel." I suggest, lugging my heavy rucksack off of the overhead compartment. "New York can be brutal. Maybe an early night so we're fresh faced tomorrow would work best?" I add, certainly not missing the unmistakable twinkle in his eyes at the mere mention of an early night.

"Food, then bed?" he questions, helping me with my bags as we disembark the plane.

"Food, then sleep." I clarify, nudging him with my side as we step onto the runway.

One hundred percent clarity is needed on tonight's entirety and with strenuous exercise not being an option, I need to pre warn him as to not get his hopes up. I wasn't lying when I said New York can be brutal and if we want to complete even half the things on my list, we need as much sleep as possible.

"Whatever you want, darling." he agrees, landing a swift kiss on top of my head. "I just want this trip to be perfect for you." he adds, pulling me alongside him as we attempt to claim our luggage off of the winding carousel.

Little does he know, this trip is already perfect thanks to him.

~~~~

Once we check in and leave our bags at the five star, luxury Hampton Hotel, Aidan and I make a head start on our to do list and aim straight for Benny's for pizza, loading up on extra cheese and fries. We chat aimlessly about life while I point out certain landmarks and reel off interesting facts about my past; Aidan, ever the gentleman, never once tiring of my constant talking.

"I love learning more about you. I wish I knew you back then." he admits as we veer off towards my left and head towards Times Square. "I would've loved to see little Amelia run around the streets of New York with a thick accent that would scare the shit out of anyone." he adds, chuckling to himself when I shoot him a filthy stare.

"My accent does not scare the shit out of anyone!" I defend, although do so on a slight giggle. "Besides, it's almost gone. I'm a Californian girl now." I smile, guiding him towards the hustle and bustle of a large crowd mostly made up of tourists.

"Nope, your accent it still there and it happened to scare the shit out of me when I first met you." he argues, pulling on my hand to hold me closer as we fight our way through the hoard of people. "But I also found it sexy." he quietly adds, nibbling on my earlobe in a way that can only be described as inappropriate for being in public surroundings.

I pull away from his intoxicating hold and while putting on my best Bronx accent, offer him a reply in the form of a very stereotypical, "you talkin' to me?"

He graces me with his adorable laugh as a result and seeing his expression as a great opportunity, I set about readying my camera wrapped securely around my neck.

"You wanna take a picture?" I ask, gesturing towards the giant billboards surrounding us in all their blinding glory.

Without even so much as waiting for a reply, I unclasps the safety feature and snap a few pictures of him before turning the camera on myself and signalling for him to join me in a shameless selfie. I capture the exact moment Aidan reaches down to kiss my temple and press the print button, already loving the image. I wait patiently for the picture to develop and when I finally have it in my hand, I present it to Aidan with a beaming smile.

"You keep it." I instruct, slipping the square piece of card in his chest pocket and gracing his plump lips with a shy kiss. "Shall we head back to the hotel now? I'm getting tired." I then inform, adding in a rather suggestive "and I can think of another thing to tick off our list before we go to sleep."

Aidan's face lights up at my offer and with a determined force that can only be described as pure desperation, he grabs my hand and begins to pull me back the way we came, seemingly keen on getting me back to our hotel room which we manage to do so within ten short minutes.

~~~~

As anticipated, Aidan and I make leeway on the 'make love at least six times in the hotel room' suggestion and do so rather rapidly. It took all of fifteen seconds for us to relieve one another of our clothes and with Aidan gently laying me down on the comfortable, king size bed almost immediately after, it's no surprise I'm now completely exhausted and fighting for breath.

"You OK, beautiful?" he asks, resting his naked body next to mine and inflicting a feather-like touch on my bare stomach.

He used to do this to me back when I was pregnant and the sudden memory of him doing so feels confusing to my, otherwise, content mind.

"I'm perfect, you?" I reply, with a slight nervous edge to my tone, betraying my casual rouse.

He must sense my slight apprehension and instantly halts all actions, seeming apologetic while doing so.

"I'm sorry." he sighs, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck and inhaling a sufficient breath.

"Don't be sorry." I plead, twisting my body around so that I can face him head on. "I like you touching me, it just reminded me of-"

"I know. I used to do it to you when you were pregnant." he whispers, confirming my exact thoughts. "It sounds stupid but I was convinced he could hear us in there." he admits, gesturing towards my flat stomach. "I used to think he could feel me through touching your tummy."

His voice cracks slightly towards the end of his revelation and although I know he's capable of stopping himself from reaching too deep, I place a hand on his smooth chest and land a soft kiss on his sun kissed skin.

"I think he knew we loved him." I admit, both wanting and needing to believe in my statement. "I'm just sorry I couldn't keep him safe for us." I express, immediately jolting up when Aidan moves from beneath me.

"It wasn't your fault, Amelia." he ensures, taking both sides of my face in his hands and holding on for dear life. "Please tell me you know that." he begs, searching my eyes by rapidly moving his own.

"I do." I admit but do so hesitantly. "But I do feel slightly responsible and I think I always will to some extent. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to have a baby when I first discovered I was pregnant, so what if losing him was me being punished for even considering that option in the first place." I admit, slightly lowering my tone to a gentle whisper.

"I understand that, darling, I really do. But just know that I could never blame you for losing our baby. I don't blame you for anything, even for ending things between us. I respect that it's what you needed at the time and although I didn't see it back then, I think it was for the best." he admits, somewhat shocking me by indirectly admitting he's happy with how things have turned out between us.

"Are you happy we're not together now?" I ask, fully understanding I'm being unreasonable by asking him to compare a hypothetical life with his real one.

"It's quite complicated and I can't really explain it without confusing you ." he replies, sitting me on his lap in a straddling position. "But I feel like if we'd stayed together after it all happened four years ago, we would've grown to resent each other. You were the strong one who made a decision I was too weak to make." he reasons, oddly enough making total sense in his way of explaining. "And in answer to your question, no I'm not happy we're not together." he admits, squeezing me tighter in his arms. "I just wish I could turn back the clock."

I reach forward and land a feverish kiss on his jawline, desperate to convey my every thought through a gentle caress, silently agreeing with his every word.

Don't we all?

~~~~

Waking up the next morning to the sound of heavy traffic and blaring car horns brings all kinds of memories flooding back and with a forceful shove, I prepare to exit the extremely comfortable bed, unwillingly so. Last nights conversation carried on well into the early hours of this morning and having cleared a few things up regarding our past, Aidan and I both feel much better moving forward.

He admitted that I broke his heart when I ended things with him all those years ago and went on to tell me how for the first year or so he was angry with my decision. He met Sophie soon after he moved to England and while he says they reminded friends at first, he eventually took the plunge and attempted to move on in the form of another relationship. They were together six months before he proposed to her only five months ago, though he claims the decision was more of a mutual understanding, rather than a traditional proposal. He never got down on one knee and she had even picked her own ring out the day after the decision was made.

I admitted that I was jealous of her claim on him and while I was careful not to place any doubt directly on his shoulders, I expressed my feelings regarding their seemingly odd relationship with each other. It seems the pair care a great deal for the other but the element of being 'in love' appears to be missing and while I didn't directly state that, Aidan certainly knew what I was hinting towards.

We soon changed the subject after that and whilst tactfully steering away from all Sophie-related topics, we began reminiscing about 'old times' and after that, time just seemed to run away with itself.

Now, it's 7.30am and while I want nothing more than to fall back into bed and curl myself up next to my sexy man, I refuse to let this trip pass me by in and endless blur and poke Aidan in the chest as a way of gently waking him up.

"Morning, beautiful. Sleep well?" he mumbles whilst simultaneously wiping the sleep away from his eyes.

"Hmm, like a baby." I reply, kissing his perfectly plump lips. "You?" I question, gauging his reaction to my rather impressive wake up call.

"Very well. I always do with you next to me." he smirks, pulling my entire body on top of his. "So what are we doing today, darling?" he asks, digging his nails into my side and tickling me with an impressive strength. "You need to take me to the Cheesecake Factory and I absolutely want you to show me where you used to live." he states, flipping us both over so he can trap me beneath his delicious body.

He attacks my stomach with playful kisses and even goes as far as to nibble on my bare flesh, sending my already heightened feelings into overdrive.

"Can we visit my Mom today?" I ask, immediately halting his actions.

"Of course, darling. I'd like to finally meet her. We'll stop off at the florist on the way and pick up some flowers. You said it'll take about fifteen minutes on the subway, right?" he asks, sitting up to type 'local florists' into the Google search engine on his phone.

"Yep, roughly that and my old house isn't far from where she's buried, so I can show you that when we visit." I reply, removing myself from his tight grip to quickly jump in the shower. "And don't even think about joining me in there, we're on a tight time schedule and the second you touch me it all goes to shit." I laugh, enjoying his boyish smirk when my words, no doubt, register in his mind.

"I wouldn't dream of it." he claims, with a slight mischievous glint taking over his entire expression. "I'm on my best behaviour today. I'm meeting my girls' Mom for the first time and need to make a great first impression." he adds, triggering a huge smile to form on my lips.

"I'm sure she'll love you." I reply, grabbing the toiletries from my suitcase and loading up on moisturiser. "You're hard not to love." I then state, meaning every word behind my revelation.

~~~~

The graveside is rather empty and despite being a place to morn the dead, it's a pleasant experience overall. Together, we walk the long path with Aidan carrying a bunch of white and purple lilies while I attempt to remember to the best of my knowledge where her headstone is situated. I've only ever been here on one other occasion and with it being the day of her funeral it's no surprise my seventeen year old mind blocked out as much as possible back then. I remember having to do a small reading at the service and the rest of the event was spent mingling with people who 'claimed' to know and love my Mom, which was a difficult task in itself. Back then, I didn't know much about my Dad and I remember watching him shed a tear and slightly resenting him for it. It took me a while to cry over my loss and I still think to this day if it weren't for Aidan, I may never have grieved for my Mother in a healthy way.

I certainly have a lot to thank him for.

"Here she is." I state, halting at a small area in the right hand corner holding five similar headstones.

Her name stares back at me in the bright sunlight and I sudden wave of emotion washes over me. I didn't really prepare myself for this moment and now I'm here, I feel oddly emotional.

"Hi Mom, this is Aidan. Aidan, my Mom, Frankie." I introduce, feeling rather silly for doing so to an empty shell of a person.

Aidan, however, has no reservations as he plows on forward and places a single flower on the, now, flat grass.

"Hi, Frankie. It's lovely to finally meet you." he says, smiling up at me afterwards and offering up the remainder of flowers. "I've heard a lot of great things about you." he continues, seemingly having no struggle to maintain a one sided conversation.

I quickly follow his instruction and get to positioning the bunch in the provided holes by either side of her headstone, snapping a picture afterwards and texting it to Anna straight away. She made me promise to give Mom a big kiss from her and asked that I take a picture of her grave once I finished laying down the flowers for her.

"I picked this up too. I thought maybe you'd want to put it next to your Mom." interrupts Aidan, pulling out a small blue teddybear from his rucksack. "For our boy." he clarifies, completely tipping my already emotional mind over the edge.

I instantly exhale a sharpe breath and bury my face in my hands, embarrassed by my ever flowing tears.

"Shit, darling, I didn't mean to make you cry!" exclaims Aidan, dumping the small toy on the floor and wrapping me up in his strong arms.

I bury my face deeper into his thin T-shirt and let all my emotions flow from my body in an effortless cry. Four years I've been bottling everything up and I suddenly feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

"You didn't make me cry." I ensure, hoping I sound convincing through my dramatic sobs. "I love the idea, I just miss her, that's all. And I miss him too, our baby, which I know sounds stupid considering I never even met him."

Once again I break down and allow Aidan's comforting embrace to calm me alongside his encouraging words which are currently being whispered into my ear.

"But I miss you more than any of that, Aidan," I admit, fisting my hands into the fabric of his shirt. "because to some extent this entire situation is worse. While I grieve for my Mom and our baby who are both dead, I feel as though I'm grieving for you too but you're still here. Everyday you walk the same earth as me and breathe the same oxygen, yet I can't have you. It's like the universe is playing some hideous trick on me and I'm trying not to be selfish and I'm trying to be happy about you going back to your established life and being the best damn business entrepreneur there ever was but I can't help it. I want you to stay here with me. I'm not ready for you to leave." I sob, not daring to look him in the eye in fear of seeing resentment in his expression.

It works for a little while but I soon find my head being lifted from his shoulder and positioned in between both his hands where intense, hazel eyes blare into mine.

"I understand, darling. I miss my Mom everyday too and our baby. The pain doesn't get any easier, you just learn how to deal with it better, but it's different with you. The pain gets worse everyday that I'm not with you and I can't learn how to deal with it because I don't want to. I'll never get over you, Amelia because I simply have no desire to. You say you miss me, well the feeling is very much mutual, darling. I've thought about you every day since I met you." he states, powerful as ever in his speech. "But I promise it'll all be okay."

I stare back at him in wonderment, slightly taken back by his affectionate display, and silently convey my every thought to him. He'll never truly understand how much he means to me and while kissing him on the lips in a loving caress is merely just the tip of the iceberg in regards to my feelings, I do it anyway.

"Do you think they're up there together? My Mom, your Mom and our little boy. I like to think that they're both looking after him for us." I admit, suddenly shy about what I'm stating.

Aidan smiles and picks up the teddybear, gently placing the fluffy bundle in my hands and turning me around so that I face my Mom with his front to my back.

"That's a lovely thought and I'd like to think they're doing just that." he admits, landing a gentle kiss on my temple.

I smile at his words and place the teddybear next to my Mom's flowers, loving the thought he's put into this mornings flying visit. Words cannot express how grateful I am for his small gesture and I'd even go as far as to say it's helped. Yes, I had a mini meltdown only moments ago but overall, I feel optimistic about things.

"Do you mind if I have a moment alone with her?" questions Aidan, seeming suddenly embarrassed.

I look at him for a moment before nodding my head.

"I'll grab some water for the flowers." I suggest, offering him at least a few minutes to be alone with my Mom for whatever reason he deems fit.