don't know if i want to hug you or slap you.

i blink - you're trembling - flexing fingers - i can almost hear the bones crack.

how do you feel?

your eyes slate to the side - bloodshot - i want to try again.

you're unbelievable.

how do you know it didn't work?

i cant do that again - don't make me.

don't ask - i won't be able to say no.

i undo the ties - you sit up, slowly, fists clutching at the sheets and the tendons in your neck strain - a beautiful disaster if i've ever seen one.

i would be able to feel it.

was it different with the horcruxes?

yes.

how?

it's different - the pain was - this... this was something else entirely. i cant identify where but - you trail off, rambling. i like when you do that.

perhaps you're comfortable around me - if that's the right word.

i did just raise you from the dead.

it wasn't enough - there's something missing. a factor wasn't included. i was almost there but it has to be stronger.

cautiously, i step closer - tugging the ropes away - your joints burned red - i hadn't realized how hard you had been pulling.

what has to be stronger?

you don't look at me - debating - no, i deserve more than that.

i don't know but i think i can love you - loving someone doesn't take much work. as long as you don't know them well enough.

that was the key.

if you get too close the image gets blurred and you can't even tell what's there anymore - no two people should know each other if they want to fall in love.

you'll never love me - i'm aware.

taking hold of your chin, i pull your face to mine. you blink - you look like a boy - tired - worn - youth - excitement.

tell me.

your hand clasps around my wrist - it hurts - bones aching - scraping - they're dry and it hurts - i don't mind it.

the will to live needs to be stronger.

my lips tilt up - i would think your fear would be enough but it's not. i think you have to love life for this to work.

your grip loosens - i didn't think of that.

you're one of the smartest idiots in the world.

you glare - not fully - you're tired. i can tell.

your theory has a fault, you cough - ink bubbling - burning - searing your throat.

your hand is still holding onto me - don't let go.

how so?

love is a matter of opinion.

why would that matter?

you seem thrown for a loop and i laugh - of course the boy who loves nothing wouldn't understand.

fear isn't love. terror isn't love. violence isn't, either.

i often see them mixed together nonetheless - the world is tragic for a reason.

what are you suggesting?

i shrug and sit next to you - bed dipping - i tilt closer - one push i'm in your lap - you're warm - cigarettes and death lulling me.

i don't think this is going to work unless you stop running.

i'm not running.

brushing some of your curls back, you stiffen at the touch - you're not use to mere affection, are you?

sighing i drop away - you're lying. running away or running to, it doesn't matter. you have to stop or else this little game of yours will kill you.

you're quiet - i feel so small next to you - you're like an expanse that sucks everything in - withers it away - you drain me but i can't move.

how do i stop?

you're just a boy.

i don't you think can.

and you're not afraid of the great unknown? your voice is deep - quiet - slumber on your lips. you lean back, one hand twirling my hair again.

what would be the point?

uncertainty ails me.

picking at the hem of my skirt i turn away - you're overwhelming - i can't breathe.

i have no control over it so why exhaust myself? if there is something then there is - if not, oh well.

you make existence seem so futile - you mumble. i look over, you look half asleep.

but i grin - you're one step there, thomas.

meaning?

you think you have a purpose on this earth, you strive towards it. that's good - as long as it's not rooted in fear. you may be able to do it.

you hum, lashes heavy - you're beautiful.

yearning shoots through me - don't die.

i won't.

i don't believe you.

i promise.