( Two years and eight months ago)

Dear Diary,

Honestly, I have no idea what to write actually. Let me start from the start. So I've been ignorant to the fact that I've been feeling quite nauseous from a couple of days. And today only I realised I missed my menstruation.

I did the pregnancy test. It's positive. Oh heavens, Hans and I are going have a baby. We're going to be legit parents. I can't believe it!!!

A little anti-stereotypical but I'm not that good with kids. I mean I'm not like the cruel oldie man in almost every neighborhood, but I'm very bad at handling kids.

But that's not the problem, because Hans is very good with kids. Actually he loves kids. And I'm sure as hell that even if I make a horrible mother, he'll be a wonderful father.

I had to go the hospital and Hans was busy with work, as usual. Well, don't get him wrong. He would be jumping on the bed, dancing and be right beside me holding my hand and hugging me, except I just haven't told him anything.

I wanted to tell him in person. So I went to the hospital alone. And here comes the real problem. There I got diagnosed with a brain tumor. It's something called Gangliocytomas.

Although, it's not very critical. It can be operated.

But the doctor said, it will be a bad idea to carry on the pregnancy and also gave me some abortion pills. He said my body cannot handle a childbirth. Moreover, it can affect the baby.

But I honestly want to have the baby. I don't know what to do Diary. I just hope Hans comes soon. Then we'll discuss it together. After all, it's his first child too. The decision should be mutual.

Oh screw it. I'm going to the office by myself. I can't keep it anymore. Bye Diary.

Love Noriana.

❤❤❤