CHAPTER 37:

"Just let me in and let me show you what I'm meanin'." ~Another World, One Direction. 

Wednesday, 18th December 2013

DONIYA'S POV

I can't believe Dad. He did what he always does. And he didn't even care that by his harsh words, he's hurting his own son so damn much.

After Zayn had so bravely told our parents everything about him and his relationship, Dad had blown up, not even considering what Zayn was saying! And Mum doesn't even say anything, ever!

After Zayn had said all he could say, he had stormed off to his room. The room was awkwardly silent for a few seconds after Zayn left, then I broke the silence.

"I can't believe you guys!"

Dad started to say something but I cut him off. "No, Dad. Let me say what I want to say, on Zayn's behalf. Actually, this is my opinion too."

We were all still standing in the dining room, and Mum had now sat down, still silently crying. Was she crying over her son being gay? That her son couldn't be perfect? Probably.

I took a deep breath and started, facing Dad who had a grave expression on his face. "Dad, do you realize how much Zayn cares about your opinion, of your approval? No matter what he said? And you just crushed him like that!"

He is never happy with anything! When I told him about Jake, my fiance, he just looked for things to berate him about. He still does, to this day!

"Well I said what I wanted to say. Liking boys is looked down upon. What he is doing is wrong and he should know it."

I snorted in disbelief. "No, it isn't! Those were the old days. Nowadays, a same gender relationship is accepted. Like Zayn said, love is equal and he's right! He loves Harry, Dad! Mum! Can't you see how happy he makes him?" I almost pleaded.

Why can't they see that? They're hurting him, they're taking their own son's hapiness away, just because of other people's opinions!

"By telling him not to see Harry anymore? That was too much," I shook my head. I looked up at Dad and he was frowning. Mum looked deep in thought.

"I need to go talk to him," Mum started, getting up but I stopped her. "I think you should wait, he won't want to talk to you right now." She didn't say anything, just shook her head, biting her lip.

"So? Did what I just said meant anything to you Dad?" I asked him. He gave me a leveled gaze and turning around, walked back to his study.

"I-I'm going to rest. Try to talk to Zayn, Doni?" Mum asked me and I nodded to her.

I hope Mum and Dad realize how much their opinions matter to Zayn. Ever since he was little, he wanted everyone to think good about him, he always wanted good opinions, he couldn't take even a slightest bit of criticism.

It's still the same with him now. He cares too much about what people think about him, and he can't help it. He just wants to be accepted. And our parents don't get that. That, by disapproving of Zayn's relationship, disapproving who he is, they've devastated him.

~*~

ZAYN'S POV

I heard Doniya and Dad arguing downstairs, no doubt about what just happened. I snorted. Doni should save her breath, Dad was never going to budge.

I removed my head from my hands and ran them over my face. I needed to get out. Right now.

Going through the front door meant facing my parents, and I sure as hell didn't want that. Before I could think any further, someone knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"Zayn, it's Doniya."

I walked over to the door and unlocked it, letting my sister come in. "How are you holding up?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Great."

"Zayn, I talked to Dad. I tried to make him realize how wrong he was. I-"

"It does't matter, Doni. I don't care," I spat, looking out my window.

"I know you, Z. And I know that secretly, you've always vied for Dad's approval and not getting it on this relationship, it's hurting you." I scowled at her words, 'cos they were absolutely true.

"Yeah, well, I didn't care when Dad didn't like the other girls I dated, yeah?"

Doni rolled her eyes. "That's 'cos you didn't care about them. You love Harry. You said so himself and anyone with eyes can see that you love him, by the way you just talk about him."

I cracked a smile at Doniya's words, at the thought of Harry. "See! Even the mention of his name made you smile!" She pointed out smugly.

I smiled sheepishly. "Yeah."

Doni placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, Zayn. You just have to stay strong. Mum and will come around, sooner or later. I know it," she spoke firmly and somehow her words calmed me.

Doniya squeezed my shoulder again and got up from my bed. She then lifted an eyebrow. "And where were you going?" She asked me, noticing I had my leather jacket and beanie on.

"Er, to meet Harry."

My sister smiled. "Then go already! Mum and Dad are in their room," she added and I smiled at her gratefully as I passed her. Doni just rolled her eyes and pulled my in a tight hug.

After she let me go, I quietly climbed down the stairs and slipped out the front door, retrieving my bike from the garage.

I drove to the woods, to the hill where I'm supposed to meet Harry. It was a bit early, but who cares. It'll be good to have some alone time as well.

~*~

HARRY'S POV

I had just finished baking with Mum and boy was I tired! Mum could now walk a bit more easily, and to celebrate she had demanded we bake something.

So now we were both tired out on the couch, eyes closed, the smell of baked goodies surrounding us.

"Too. Much. Baking!" I gasped out. I even had to bake stuff at the bakery!

"Oh cheer up! You had fun!" Mum chastised.

I grinned at her, opening one eye. "Yep!"

"Sometimes, I used to wish I had a daughter," Mum started. She glanced at me cheekily. "Looks like my wish is granted!"

When I made sense of her words, I slapped her leg, laughing! "Oi!"

My eyes strayed to the clock. Oh, damn! 2 minutes to nine!

"Mum, I gotta go!" I quickly got off the couch and dusted all the flour I could see, off my clothes. I shrugged my thick coat and pulled my favorite beanie on.

"Mum, can I take your car?"

"Sure lovely," Mum smiled.

I raised an eyebrow. She just doesn't let me drive that easily. Especially when it's at night. "You're in a good mood today?" I asked suspiciously.

Mum just shrugged, a smile still on her lips. I shook my head with a smile and grabbed the car keys from the hook, dashing out the door. I got inside the warm car and twisted the key in the ingition, starting it.

I vaguely remembered the directions, let's hope I don't get lost.

~*~

I managed to get lost two times, but finally got to the right route.

"Sorry I'm late!" I huffed as I reached the top of the steep and spotted Zayn's back. He was sitting near the edge, his legs tucked in, with his chin placed on his knees. I sat down beside him. It was freaking cold, but after scooting closer to Zayn, I felt a smidge less colder.

"So, I missed you," I spoke, smiling at Zayn. We had met up after almost five days 'cos we were so busy. And now, he wasn't even kissing me? Something's wrong.

Zayn didn't reply, just stared out front. "Uh, Zayn? You okay?" I nudged him. He shood his head and looked at me, smiling weakly.

"Hey, Haz."

"Are you okay?"

Zayn frowned. "Uh. My sister came today."

"Oh!" He talked a lot about his sister, and she seemed nice. She knew about us as well. "I can't wait to meet her."

"She can't wait to meet you either, love," Zayn smiled, taking my hand in his and squeezing it lightly.

But I still felt that something was on his mind. "Zayn?"

"Mhmm?"

"What happened?"

Zayn sighed. "I told my parents today," he told me, looking into my eyes, sadness in his brown ones.

He told his parents about us. And judging by the look in his eyes...

"They..." I trailed off, biting my lip. They didn't approve. Zayn told me that they weren't as open minded as my Mum or our friends were. I was expecting it, but still it shocked me a bit.

Zayn noticed my face, my emotions, and his expression hardened. "He fucking told me it's wrong!" he exploded, standing up.

"And do you know what else he said to me?" Zayn asked me, his eyes glassy. His Dad didn't approve of him. By the way Zayn talked about his father, you would say that they both never saw eye to eye. But, when you listened closely, if you knew Zayn well, you could tell how much his Dad's approval meant to him.

"He told me I should stop seeing you!" My breath caught in my throat and I looked up at Zayn with panicked eyes.

"S-so? Are you, are we-" I started but Zayn cut me off. "No, 'course not Harry!"

Zayn took deep breaths to calm himself. For quite a while, we were both silent, sorting out our thoughts. I hoped Zayn will be strong enough for us. I know his Dad will see reason if Zayn will make him see hard enough.

I wouldn't be able to bear it if Zayn actually leaves me. He means so much to me. I-I think I love him.

After a while, Zayn laughed humorlessly, interrupting my thoughts. "You know Harry, I'm a fucking coward. What I should do, is not care about what my Coach says, what people at school say, and what my Dad says about us. And what society says about gay people. But I can't!" Zayn was close to hysteria right now and he was now pacing back and forth.

I jumped up and grabbed his arms. I looked into his teary eyes. "We'll get through it, okay? I told you, I always tell you, don't care what others think. I care about you. You care about me. That's all that matters."

Zayn looked at me for a long time, thinking. "You see?" he sighed. "You're perfect, Harry. You can do it. You're so fearless. You have your own style. All the while, I pretended to be someone like you. Someone who didn't care about fitting in. You were right before. I always acted. I always act!" He shouted, throwing his arms up.

"Zayn, love. Calm down," I soothed him worriedly. Zayn told me about how Coach had moved him to the second line on the team, and it had affected him badly. Now, rejection from his parents was the last blow, before he exploded, and now he had exploded.

Zayn was now sobbing, he had lost control, and I felt my eyes watering as well. "I have this fear, Harry. It was there from the start. The fear of not being accepted. I'm a fucking coward, that's what I am. You don't deserve me!" She choked, shaking his head.

"NO! We both deserve each other alright! Never say that, Zayn!" I told him forecefully. "I'll help you get through this, okay. I'm here," I gripped his hands.

"You don't deserve someone who can't even handle a few harsh comments. You deserve someone like... Carter."

I looked at Zayn in disbelief. His pain was making him talk like this. Talk nonsense. All I could do was soothe him. How could he, for even a second, think like that?!

He was the one who was absolutely perfect, the one who only had a hard exterior, but was just as soft and kind from the inside. He always cares about people who mean to him.

"You are NOT a coward. You are one of the bravest, sweetest and caring people I know," I told him firmly. "And don't care about others, I accept you and that's all that matters."

Zayn shook his head, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I can't. I can't right now. I need to be alone."

I nodded, gulping. "Okay, I'll give you your space," I told him softly, letting go of his hands.

Zayn didn't glance at me twice, and went down to his bike, leaving me all alone on the hill.

I couldn't help but cry. Why can't he get over his fear? No matter how much I help him? I try to help him as much as I can, but it's never enough.

~*~

Well, they didn't fight, so that's good. Zayn had a breakdown :(

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