as i lay on the

hard floor,

hearing my mother

snore;

i envy her deeply.

i envy how

she can sleep in peace,

after all the

nightmares she's

given me.

i get up and

walk in the hallway,

seeing the man

deep asleep

on the floor

the one who is

her husband,

but they never

said they love

each other,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how

he is void of

emotion,

how he chooses

everything

but us,

how he manages

to break our

hearts every

single time.

i see the

man sleeping

on the bed,

the one who

claims to

care for his son,

but he is the

reason

his granddaughter

claims to have

no family,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how he

wakes up

everyday

without the guilt,

without

acknowledging the

pain he'd caused

us.

i sit on the

balcony

and look at

the house

of the boy

next door and

imagine him

laughing with his

friends late at night,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how

he smiles at me

everyday,

a smile that is

never returned by me.

i turn my head

to the apartment of

the old couple

in front of me

and think of them

singing old songs,

i envy them deeply.

i envy how

they look into

each others eyes,

as if there's

no one else in

this world but them.

i rub my eyes

and see the sun,

shining ever

so brightly,

i envy it deeply.

i envy how

it doesn't need

anyone else to

do his job

and i envy how

it does it daily.

i walk towards

the bus stop

with the bag full

of books

and i see the

girl who was once

my best friend,

i envy her deeply.

i envy how

she has no shame

looking at him the

way he looks at me.

i shake my head

and walk into the bus

and i see her,

i envy her deeply.

i envy how

she ignores the

wolf whistles and

the everlasting stares,

i envy how every strand

of her hair seems

to be exactly right.

i sit next to the window,

as the bus stops

for a second and

my best friend

sits next to me,

i envy her deeply.

i envy how

perfect her life is,

how she has a note

in her lunchbox that

says 'we love you'

everyday.

i walk in the

classroom into my

assigned seat,

next to the boy

i hate with a passion,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how

he says he loves me

everyday

when i can't even

love myself.

i pretend to

ignore him and

my eyes wander to

the boy i once used

to know,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how

he still looks at me

the same way

he used to when

he said he

loved me too.

i smile at

the new girl,

who looks so

out of place,

i envy her deeply.

i envy how

she wasn't here

earlier,

how everyone

doesn't know her.

i go upstairs

to eat lunch with

my 'friends'

as my eyes take

in the senior

in front of me,

i envy him deeply.

i envy how

he doesn't care

about the stares

or the fact

that he

writes poetry too,

just the one

which isn't exactly true.

the day passes

and i see everyone

walk by,

i envy them deeply.

i envy how

they aren't me,

that they get to

have happy days

and go meet

people i haven't

known yet.

[ all works in this book are original unless specified and the original poems are copyrighted by me. i do not accept translations or plagiarism, kindly let me know if you see my work plagiarized somewhere.

- angel.]