《"See?" » Zarry ✔》17: Green
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Three days had passed since that night when Zayn had gone to bed and spent the rest of it thinking about letting Harry know how he felt. Since he hadn't seen him, some of that newfound confidence had decreased dramatically. It wasn't that he didn't like him anymore. He still liked him just as much. He just wasn't so ready to blurt out the truth yet. He'd rather take his time and get there naturally.
So whenever he showed up at Harry's house and was reminded of those thoughts he had just 72 hours ago, he knew he had to disguise his feelings very well. Harry didn't have to know how he looked at him. He didn't have to know how excited he got every time he heard him welcome him into his home.
"Alright. Done. I didn't find anything."
"How are you done?" You just went looking five minutes ago. Why do I get the feeling you're not really looking for those cigarettes anymore?"
Zayn held his hands out and let them fall at his sides. Probably because I'm not."
"Harry stood up from the couch. "Fine, then. If you don't want to look, then we might as well go on and leave for the park. I'll go put my shoes on. You go get the stuff we need and take it outside."
"Okay."
Zayn took his blindfold off of his head and he went into the kitchen. A cooler was sitting on the counter already packed with food and a blanket was folded up underneath it. He picked them both up and took them out to the car. By the time he came back, Harry was there with his shoes on and a key on a clip in his hand.
"Ready?"
"Yes."
"Let's go then."
Together, they went outside and after Harry locked the door with his key, he let Zayn guide him to his car. He really didn't need Zayn's help to get from the house to the end of the sidewalk but he wanted it this time and he purposely chose not to remind Zayn he could do it on his own.
"I haven't had a picnic in so long." Harry told him as they pulled off from the side of the curve.
"Me either."
"The last time I picnicked, it was when my grandma took me to the park as a kid, specifically to do that."
"Oh. Nice. I went with my family a few summers ago before Safaa started college. So it wasn't that long ago. We couldn't really enjoy it though because it started to rain. The clouds just came out of nowhere. But then again, that was our fault for planning an outdoor activity without looking at the weather first."
"Yeah. It is. But now I have to ask. Did you look at the weather today?"
"Of course I did. It's supposed to stay sunny all day."
"Good. Because I'm fairly certain that soggy sandwiches would not be a good meal."
"Right."
They laughed about that before sitting back and enjoying the ride. As always the journey to their destination seemed to fly by quickly and the next thing they knew, they were at the park and searching for a place to sit and eat lunch.
"I think we should settle here." Zayn said.
"Here? Where is here?"
"We're in the grass but we're also next to a huge tree and there's a wild rosebush growing next to it."
"Oh. That's sounds nice. Okay. Sure. Are we close to anyone?"
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"Not really. Why?"
"Just curious. I can hear talking."
"Oh yeah. There's a family a little ways away from us." He sat the cooler on the ground. "Hand me the blanket and I'll lay it out for us."
Harry reached out in the direction of his voice and handed it to him.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
He took his time and stretched the blanket out across the grass, making sure the ends were as flat as they could be and then he took the cooler and sat it on the blanket. "And we're ready."
"Now if you can just lead me to my spot, we can get started on today's lesson. And then you can explain why you decided we needed to picnic in order to learn it."
"It makes sense. I promise."
He took Harry's hand and helped him step on the blanket and when he let go, Harry knew that was where he was supposed to sit. So he plopped down where he was. Zayn took his place next to him on his left and then retrieved his phone from his pocket. He already had his notes of today's color pulled up so all he had to do was unlock the phone and read what was on the screen.
"So today's color is green. I remember you asked me when we were going to go over this color sometime back."
"Yeah. When I was listening to Holes. I finished that story in a week by the way."
"Nice. Well, finally, we're going to talk about it. And I wanted you to know that as I was reading over it, that was when I came to the conclusion that the park would be the perfect place to learn about it."
Harry leaned back on his hands. "Okay why is that?"
"It's pretty simple, really. Green is the color of nature and out here, nature is all around us. It helps to try to soak up the vibes while we're here. We can feel the grass blades with our fingers and feel the wind in our hair and sun on our face. That's natural. We can even go smell some of the flowers later if you want to."
Harry smiled. Clearly Zayn mentioned those things in a way that would be appealing to the senses he had. That was so considerate of him. "Sounds inviting. So please enlighten me about this exciting color."
"My pleasure. Besides being the color of nature, it symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness and fertility. Plus, it has strong emotional correspondence with safety, unlike red. Dark green is also commonly associated with money. Something everybody loves as we mentioned before."
He smiled. "Yes."
"And to go even further, green is the most restful color for the human eye so that means it's easier to look at without really having any negative feelings. It can mean stability and endurance too."
"Interesting. Hearing you say all that makes me want to make friends with this color. I wish that was possible."
Zayn smiled at him. "Really?"
"Yeah. Green sounds like it would be a good reliable friend."
"Wow."
"What?"
"Nothing. I just think that's interesting. But you might change your mind when I read what a couple of these other specific colors of green are about."
He shrugged. "Well read them and we will see."
Zayn held the phone up to read again. "Dark green is associated with ambition, greed and jealousy while yellow-green can mean sickness, cowardice, jealousy and discord, which is disagreement."
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He waited for Harry's reaction now.
"Well, I don't care. I still would want to be friends with green if it were a living thing. I want to be with anything or anyone who makes me feel safe."
"Does that include me?" Zayn asked in a joking manner.
Harry turned in his direction, although he never directly faced him. He looked hurt that Zayn would ask that even if he was joking. "Of course, Zayn."
"Good. Just wanted to know..." He looked at his notes again. "We only have two more colors of green to talk about and then we can eat."
"I'll also want to know something I don't know about you and you can do the same for me."
"Oh. Right. I keep forgetting we always do that."
"Conveniently forgetting."
"True. So we should get this over with before I conveniently forget again."
"Yeah."
He referred to his notes once again.
"So I know it probably seemed like I was trying to break your positivity about green a moment ago. But this should contribute to it because these last two colors are beautiful. Aqua is associated with emotional healing and protection. Olive green is the traditional color of peace. The fact that green has these type of qualities when it comes to its appeal to humans just amazes me. Because we see green everyday when we go outside. The leaves on trees are green and the grass is green. Most plants are green as well. So I really do wonder how we never get tired of seeing green when we see it all the time."
Harry chuckled. "See? Then I'm not much different than you after all. I don't get tired of seeing green either."
Zayn didn't know why that tickled him so much but it did. He loved Harry's jokes. He always seemed to tell them at the right time. "Good one, Ace."
"Thanks." His face suddenly fell and it was not reminiscent of someone who had just received praise for telling a funny joke. Even more so, he didn't react to his new nickname the same way he did last time. It concerned Zayn.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
But Zayn could tell that he was lying.
"It's alright. You can tell me. I don't care. What's wrong?"
"Well... It's just... You trust me, right?"
He paused and frowned. What sort of question was that? "Trust you? Of course I do."
"And by that, I mean you trust that I trust you. Like you don't go around secretly wondering if I'm always thinking you'll lead me to danger or steal from me just because I'm blind? Right?"
"No, Never. I've never wondered that. Why would you ask?"
"Because of what you asked. You asked if I felt safe around you. I do. But I don't know if I said anything to make you think otherwise."
"Not that I know of. No."
"Not that you know of? When people say that, it usually means they're lying."
"But I'm not."
Harry was silent and tilted his head a bit. His facial expression made it appear as if he was drawing away.
"Harry, I don't really know what you're talking about, because I trust you and I know you trust me. But I feel like you're getting the wrong idea about me, about us and our relationship."
"I am?"
"Yes. You are. I can guarantee I've never felt that way about you."
Harry's eyebrows furrowed hard. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"But... I don't understand."
"I think you've got it mixed up with how other people treat you. I'm not them."
Harry's heart started to beat fast. He was panicking. "But I thought... I thought you... I could've sworn you were different."
Zayn looked confused. "I am."
Harry was irritated. "But you're not. You hang around me differently but you don't care as much as I thought you did."
"What?"
"You were just pretending? The whole time, none of that was real? How could you do that to me?"
"What?" He asked again because that was all he could think to say. Harry wasn't making any sense.
Harry pouted to himself and he resembled a little child who didn't want to see or talk to anyone.
"Harry."
"No." He said. "Leave me alone."
"I don't get it. What did I do?"
That question lit a fire in Harry and he was mad. "You don't get it?! Well neither do I. I never thought you were the type of person to lead someone on just so you could make them feel bad about what they feel later. You didn't seem like that kind of person." A tear rolled down his cheek from underneath his sunglasses and he sniffled. "I thought you liked me, Zayn. Because I liked you."
Zayn moved closer to him and stood up on his knees then sat back on the heels of his feet. "I do like you."
"Just not the way that I thought."
"I didn't say that."
"But it's true."
"No it's not. That's not true."
"Yes it is. Cause I don't even think you know what I mean. I know you don't."
Zayn really didn't want to argue with him, so he shoved his phone in his pocket and he shut up. That wasn't true. Zayn liked Harry and he liked him more than Harry even knew. How was it that he derived that Zayn didn't like him just because he asked if he felt safe around him? Shouldn't that mean that he cared enough to want to know his standing with him?
He thought that a picnic at the park would be nice for them and that how he felt would be conveyed in some way through the meal they shared. He did not expect it to be the place where they had their first real disagreement.
They sat there quietly and awkwardly and Zayn was just sadly watching the family across the way. Those people were having fun and enjoying themselves. They weren't arguing over something they didn't really understand. So Zayn felt out of place here. And he was sure that if someone was watching them just like he was watching them, they could easily see that as well. So he tried to talk to Harry again.
"Harry."
"No."
"But I'm sorry."
"So? You think saying you're sorry is going to magically make me feel better? Well, you're wrong."
"So are you. I didn't say anything wrong. I thought asking if I made you feel safe was a good thing. I just wanted to make sure that I am not the one to make you feel... Handicapped. That's all. Cause I know your grandma taught you to believe you could do anything and I didn't want to ruin that by being overly helpful. That's what I meant."
"Yeah, right."
"I did. And how can you get mad at me for not trusting that you trust me when you think that I'm lying? Obviously that means you don't trust me."
"You're right!" He spat angrily. "I don't anymore. And for good reason. What did you think that was on Wednesday? You thought I just invited you over for dinner for fun? You think that when we were sitting on the floor talking about what you went through that I was just bored and needed to hear a story? No. I listened because I genuinely cared! I listened because I like you! But you had to go and say you don't feel the same way about me. That's real cute how you play with people's hearts but still expect those same people to feel sorry for you when yours gets broken."
That last statement kicked Zayn in the gut. "Now wait a minute. First of all, I was saying that I never felt like those people who assume that just because you're blind, that you can't do anything on your own. Secondly, I never asked you to feel sorry for me. I only told you those things because I trusted you as a friend. And thirdly, who says you're the only one of us two that likes the other? You didn't even bother to ask."
"Well, maybe because when you spend the whole night as close as we were, then you don't need to ask!"
Zayn scoffed. "Okay then. And I agree as long as you don't assume that I'm leading you on just to reject you again. But if you like me and I like you, what the hell are we even mad about?!"
"I don't know!"
Harry folded his arms and pouted once again. Zayn just sat there wondering what had just happened. Clearly, the truth had just come out and it turned out not to be what either of them thought it was at first. But Harry was still upset. Their miscommunication still left a small rift between them. So what was he to do about that? How would he try to get rid of it?
He spent a lot of time thinking about it but still didn't have an answer. Not until he saw Harry take off his glasses to rub his eyes.
"Whoa."
"What?"
Harry stopped and faced his general direction but Zayn put his hands to his face and turned him toward him. It was the first time he'd ever seen Harry's eyes. They weren't like anyone's he'd ever seen. Unlike where his own eyes were various colors of hazel, honey and black, Harry's were all tones of gray. It was amazing being so up close to them. "I just noticed this is the first time you've ever taken your glasses off around me."
Harry forced his face out of his hands and put his glasses on again. "Okay."
"Why do you wear them? I've always wondered why blind people do that if they can't see anyway."
"Because my doctor told me to. Some blind people can see light, so I've heard. I can't though. My eyes don't work at all. But just because I can't see light, it doesn't mean it can't affect me. I wear these to protect my eyes from light because they're very sensitive to it. With these on all the time, the UV light and radiation from the sun and indoor lighting can't cause more problems for me. And I don't want anymore problems."
"Oh. I see."
"Why did you point that out? Did it make you feel grossed out or something?"
"No, no. Of course not. I just decided to ask because I wanted to know."
"Well, some people say it makes them uncomfortable seeing my eyes because they can't really see them in detail. Apparently I don't have pupils, whatever those are."
Zayn shook his head in disbelief. "What? I can't believe someone said that to you. Whoever told you that is not smart at all." He knew he sounded like a young child when he said that but it was hard to concentrate on choosing words from his expanded vocabulary when he was focusing on Harry and wondering what he would look like if his eyes weren't always hiding behind those sunglasses and he could see his pupils and irises. What color would his eyes be? Would they have been hazel brown like his? There was a great possibility. But he would never know.
"But you know what, I like to think that it's better not to know."
"The color of my eyes, you mean?"
"Anything. Because mystery is sometimes better than knowing. And this kind of mystery is better because you make it whatever you want to make it."
Harry smiled. "True. But what would I want to make it?"
"A color you really like. I don't know. Only you can choose."
"So green?" He asked without hesitation.
Zayn laughed quietly. "Sure. If that's your choice."
Harry, hunched his shoulders cutely and Zayn was able to relax again. The rift had been mended.
"Since we're both smiling again, shall we just forget about what happened and have our picnic now?"
"Yes. Let's do it. Hand sanitizer, please."
Zayn plucked the tiny squeeze bottle from his pocket and squeezed a little of it into Harry's hand, as well as his own.
"Hey, Zayn." Harry said to him as he finished disinfecting his hands and had started to unpack the cooler.
"Yeah?"
"Regarding all that mean stuff I said about you earlier, I'm so sorry. Even if you did do the things I accused you of, I still wouldn't have meant what I said. I was just upset."
Zayn put Harry's sandwich in his hand. "I know."
"And I promise I don't think you're that kind of person at all. I guess we should have clarified what we were both talking about. It would have made things much better and would have saved us from the argument we had."
"True. We should have."
"Do you forgive me though?"
"Yes. To tell you the truth, I actually forgave you immediately after you said it."
Harry tilted his head sideways and that told Zayn he didn't believe him. "Impossible."
"How?"
"I said some pretty mean things. I don't know anyone who would forgive that fast. Mindy might not even forgive me so quickly. And she loves me."
"Well, now you know me."
"Prove it."
"What?"
"Prove it. I don't believe you."
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"I don't know. You're the one who says I know you."
Zayn looked at his hands as if they would tell him what to do. What could he do right now when they were dead in the middle of the park and about to have lunch to prove to this man that he had forgiven him? Then suddenly, he got an idea. He could also use this opportunity to show how he felt about him too. Without thinking twice about it, he stretched forward toward Harry and he leaned in to kiss him on the lips quickly. Perfect. What could be more convincing than a kiss?
But Harry just paused where he was. "Um. What was that?"
Zayn was hesitant. He thought he might've actually overstepped his boundaries and offended Harry. "I-I'm not sure. What did you think it was?"
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