More times than not, I thought about what my future would be like. I'd heard many times before that it would be anything but delightful. It's no secret that after what happened two years ago I fell into a deep hole. No one tells you that the worse part of digging yourself out is knowing what to do once you can see again.

It's like starting over, but not knowing where to begin. You can graze through the days pretending to be in a complete state of bliss, but no matter how good of an act you put on, you know that it's all a mask. You try to paint all these exquisite colors, but the only ones you have are black and white.

So I started with red lipstick. I prayed and prayed that Lannan would like it because no other boy ever had. The closer we got to Lannan's apartment, the more my hands began to shake. Nikki continued to tell me that I looked amazing and that he would love it, but I wasn't even sure why it mattered so much what he thought. Validation maybe, or maybe just that he was the first boy that had actually began to break down any barriers that I had built up.

"We're here. Would you like for me to walk you up?" Elliot offered.

"That's kind of you, but I think I can manage." After a couple minutes, I found myself standing in front of his door. I lifted my hand to knock on the door, but I couldn't finish the action. The door flew open and I saw a blonde just about the same height as me. She was a tad bit taller and I watched as her eyebrows furrowed together when she saw me.

"Who are you?" It seemed like my breath was caught in my throat at this point.

"I-I think I have the wrong apartment." That's when Lannan appeared behind her.

"It's Sammie. Can you go now?" The girl rolled her eyes and left the two of us alone. "How are you?" I shrugged my shoulders and he led me into the apartment. "This is my place. You're welcome to anything you need. Snacks are in the cabinets. Uh, bathroom is down the hall and to the right. I think that's the necessities." He came closer to me and brushed my hair out of my face. "You look beautiful." New lipstick?" I felt a small smile creep onto my face and nodded. Once again he gripped my jaw in his hand and pressed his lips against mine.

"You really like the lipstick?" He nodded gave me one more kiss before jumping on the couch, patting the spot next to him. I cautiously sat down next to him. He rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him.

"Why sit so far away, this is the best seat in the house." He said pulling me into his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. "Tired?"

"A little." He turned on a random movie, and placed his head on top of mine while I slowly drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

"Yeah, she's really great. The only issue is, she's from America." I kept my eyes closed, to not interrupt the conversation he was currently having. "I want to try to make it work. I really do enjoy being around her, mum." He said goodbye and that's when I began to shift in his lap. "Hey, she's awake."

"How long was I out?" I pushed myself off of his lap and onto the couch next to him.

"About 30 minutes. You hungry?" I nodded and he hopped up. "Grilled cheese okay?" We spent the next hour laughing over his failed attempts at making grilled cheese and his lame puns.

"I'll have to go soon. We have class dinner tonight." His face dropped and he nodded. "But, I could say I'm not feeling well and spend a little bit more time here." And that's exactly what I did.

Lannan and I spent the night watching movies and nonstop laughing. It was impossible to be anything but happy around him. What meant more to me is that he wanted to learn every part of me. He asked every question that I didn't deem important. He was unlike any guy I had ever met. All he wanted was to know me. His intentions were pure, but I know by the look in his eyes that he wanted something he knew I wasn't comfortable with giving at the moment.

"Can I ask what happened with your ex?" My breath hitched for a second and I let out a shaky sigh.

"Well, I met him when I was 15. I fell in love with him and I thought we would be high school sweethearts. Out of nowhere he broke up with me. I found out a couple days later it was because of another girl. It broke my heart. You're actually the first guy that I've actually liked in quite some time. What about you?" He grabbed my hand and sighed.

"I haven't actually had a serious relationship." My eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head. "Not that I don't want to! Every girl I've dated, they just haven't been the right one. Too mean or too controlling. Too much or too little. I'm really sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Especially not you." His eyes met mine, and I could tell he was sincere in what he was saying.

Lannan held me in his arms for what seemed like hours. He told me about his childhood, how he wanted to be Spider-Man, and just about anything and everything in between. In return, I told him how I always wanted to be Belle and how my mom would take me to fish every other Sunday after lunch. She would always tell me it taught me patience, and that even princesses fish. She taught me just about everything, the only thing she didn't teach me was how to live without her. Lannan tried to sympathize with me, but we both knew it was a feeling you couldn't understand unless you've been through it. It didn't stop him from pulling me flush against him for minutes at a time.

"I don't want to sound like this broken girl, because that's not who I am. I'm just a normal girl who bad things have happened to. Granted, losing my mom still hurts all the same, but I still had 16 years with her. That's more than some people have." I paused looking up at him. "I know I talk about her a lot, but it's the only way I can remember her. I always dread when people ask about my mom, but in the end, I'm glad they do. It gives me the chance to keep her alive." He hummed in response, not letting go of me. "I think she would have liked you." He glanced down at me and smiled.

"I sure hope so."