I could feel the grin on my face as I watched Lannan take the first bite of this "extraordinary" chicken tender. I was a bit bummed when all I received as a response was a shoulder shrug and a "not bad".

"You disappoint me, Lan." He chuckled and continued to take another bite. "I was hoping for a life changing experience or maybe an epiphany." He raised an eyebrow.

"An epiphany? Over a chicken tender? Babe, I love you dearly, but chicken tenders aren't gonna change my life." He paused for a minute, glancing down at his plate. "You already did that."

"What do you mean?" Once again, he took one of my hands in his.

"Before I met you, I was always trying too hard. Posting videos every day, making jokes that were never funny, all because I wanted to be the best. But I was only making it harder on myself. Then I saw you in that airport. You were getting off the plane, and I was wonderstruck. It was like I knew I was seeing my future for the first time. You not only helped me feel more confident in what I do, but you made everything so much easier." He paused once again, lowering his voice ever so slightly. "You made me enjoy what I do. You changed my life in so many ways, and I'm not sure I could ever repay you." I smiled and squeezed his hand before we both went back to enjoying our dinner. Even though I was disappointed at the small reaction Lannan had given, he said he was open to eating chicken tenders again. Which is a check mark in my book.

The sun was starting to set as we set out to wander the streets of Sydney. There were a few street musicians who played some of the loveliest music. Lannan stuck his hand out to me and motioned for me to take it.

"Dance with me." I hesitated for a moment before finally taking his hand. I wouldn't call what we did dancing, as it was more of a swaying motion, but it seemed as if everything else disappeared. For that moment, it was Lannan and I. "Did you ever think you'd be dancing with Lazarbeam in the middle of the street in Sydney?" I giggled.

"Definitely. I knew it was gonna happen." He stopped swaying to the music and slowly brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I love you." He said ever so softly before closing the gap between us and pressing his lips against mine. I'd like to say it was a normal kiss, but this kiss felt more surreal. It wasn't any "I love you" kiss. It was more of an "I never want this to end" sort of kiss.

You know when someone says something without using their words? This was one of those moments. Lannan was saying everything he wanted to say to me with this one kiss. The second he pulled away I felt cold. Immediately missing the feeling. He kept his hands on my waist as his head rested against mine. The sun had set by now. It had said its goodbyes and all we were left with was the fairy lights that clung to the buildings around us. It was a magical moment. One of which I knew I would never be able to forget.

"I never would have taken you for such a softie with how you act in your videos." He chuckled and we finally continued on with our mission back to my house.

"Because I'm only this way with you." He glanced over at me, before stopping in his tracks. He quickly dropped his hand from mine and he stood frozen. I was just about to ask if he was okay when someone interrupted us.

"Lannan?" I glanced up and I was taken back by what I saw. She was a beautiful girl. Her long blonde hair being grazed with the wind. Everything about her seemed perfect. Which is why I could understand why Lannan was so shocked. "Lannan! It's been too long." She threw herself into his arms and he slowly hugged her back. "How are you?" He stared at her with wide eyes.

"I-I've been good, Ilsa. Too good." I could hear the trembling of his voice. Wait. Ilsa. That sounds familiar. "This is my girlfriend, Sammie." Her eyes finally locked on me, but instead of being friendly, I could see the hatred behind her eyes. "Sammie, this is Ilsa." I stuck my hand out to shake hers but she gave Lannan a quick side glance and threw her arms around me, pulling me in for a hug.

"It's so nice to meet you! I hope you're treating my Lannan nicely." My Lannan? I could feel the tension in the air as looked back at Lannan. "Will I be seeing you tomorrow?" I raised an eyebrow and glanced at Lannan.

"What's tomorrow?" He looked over at me before his gaze landed on her.

"Click is filming a video. I was gonna ask you if you'd like to come when I dropped you off, but now that the cat is out of the bag, would you like to come?" Now I wasn't one for being petty. It definitely wasn't something people would describe me as. But with the smirk that rested on Ilsa's face, all I could think about was evening the score of a game I wasn't interested in playing.

"Of course I would, babe." I could feel the guilt setting in. On any normal day, I would agree to partake in Lannan's plans if he invited me to go. Simply because I wanted to. It was nice being around him. But right now, it felt like I was only agreeing to go to prove to Ilsa that I could score points in this game also.

I had never been the jealous type. Not till I dated Jacob. And the only reason I would ever feel that green monster on my shoulder is because he went behind my back and cheated with other girls. I know that Lannan is nothing like he was. But when you're in an abusive relationship, you learn all of these abusive coping mechanisms. Which are hard to unlearn when you finally leave the toxic relationship. The thought that Lannan would some day find someone who made him happier than I did was a daily thought I had to live with. It always lurked in the back of my mind. But for the most part, it was easier to keep myself grounded. I knew in my heart that I couldn't associate what Jacob did with Lannan. They were two different people and Lannan's feelings were genuine. As far as I knew.

But standing here in front of this beautiful girl who used to be in my position felt as if a trigger was going off. It already felt like I was shooting myself in the foot and wondering why it was bleeding. I had always heard that love was giving someone a loaded gun and trusting they wouldn't pull the trigger. But what do you when you're the one who has the gun and you're aiming it at yourself? If there was one thing I knew that Lannan didn't, it was how experienced I was at self-sabotage. I learned to push people away because eventually they get tired of trying to push back. I didn't want this to happen with Lannan.

So instead of pushing him away, I wrapped my arm around his waist and counted to fifteen. It was an exercise I had learned when I lost my mom. If the weight of the world feels too heavy, close your eyes and count to fifteen. I was never one to give advice, but I was always told sometimes you just have to take that leap. Do what scares you. And in this moment, I was terrified. Ilsa looked at me as if I were her prey, and Lannan didn't know what else to do.

"We're gonna get going. It was nice to see you." I could see the visible pout on her lips as the words left Lannan's. But without a second thought, she leaned close and pecked his cheek.

"See you around." As Ilsa walked away, Lannan wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me as close to him as physically possible.

"I'm so sorry that happened." I shook my head and hugged him just a little bit tighter.

"You couldn't have known." But all I could think of was how frozen he had become when he saw her. How quiet he had been. I could already feel pain tugging at my heartstrings, and he hadn't even given me a reason to feel any heartbreak yet.

As Lannan said goodbye that night, I held onto him just a few seconds longer. Because I knew that once you realize it's the last time, you always wish you had hugged them tighter for just a little bit longer. As I crawled into bed I glanced at my phone to see one unread message. My heart fluttered as I saw the name.